Black, white and the in between

There's a saying that things aren't always black or white, sometimes there's a lot of grey. I tend to gravitate toward this saying, but it's hard to say with a straight face sometimes, now that our society has been introduced to "50 Shades of Grey". It's funny how an awful book can ruin things sometimes.

Anyway, I was having a discussion with a colleague yesterday and it made me realize how far I've come personally and also with how people perceive me. Those of you that have known me for awhile probably remember when I was hot headed, get annoyed and frustrated at EVERY LITTLE THING and my view is always right.

Now, this isn't to say that I don't have those tendencies still. Because I do. And I recognize that. However, over time, I've had a lot of experience dealing with people - kids, adults, tweens, teenagers. It's amazing what teenagers can teach you. But what I've learned during that time is that many times, there's not a "right" or "wrong" answer. There are some beliefs that I have that are hardcore and not changing. But in most things, there's just a difference of opinion and views. But those differences are what can make something huge and impactful. If we'd put aside our stubbornness (yes, I am quite stubborn) and realize that we don't all have the same views and that's ok, I bet we'd be able to solve the problems of the world.

But right now, I see a lot of screaming from one side about how there is no good to taxes. I see a lot of screaming about how my view is the right view. But what we need to look at is how do we hold our beliefs, but still be flexible and listen to others? How do we put the right questions and model to the situation that will work best at that time? How do we take our beliefs and look at the long term consequences and what's best for everyone?

I can't answer all these questions. But I do think that as people that come from very different backgrounds and styles, we need to each ask ourselves these questions.

Looks can be deceiving...

I'm sure we've all heard it before that first impressions matter. And while this is true in most cases, I think we need to take those impressions with a grain of salt.

I look at this from my own experience. I've been told that I tend to seem stand-offish much of the time. I try to work on this, but in all honesty, it's a coping mechanism for me. Despite seeming outgoing, I really am nervous about meeting new people that I don't know much about and also interacting with people that I know do not like me. I put up a wall in order to protect myself.

As we continue to evolve, we need to make ourselves aware of our faults and try to work on them. But in that process, we also need to accept that there may be something more to those faults. Someone may act like a jerk not because they are, but because they're uncomfortable, worried or anxious.

So, while first impressions matter, I hope that we can sometimes learn to look past them. Many times, I have had the opportunity to change my opinion of people and add them as friends. We certainly could all do with a bit more understanding of others.

Change can be...uncomfortable

"Things do not change; we change." - Henry David Thoreau

Over the last six months, things have felt off. In some ways, I haven't been able to pinpoint it except to say that there are changes: changes in priorities, changes in interests, changes in how I feel, changes in how I look at things.

As I've changed interests and added goals, it's changed my priorities. I'm not as social as I used to be. Part of that is because I'm working on saving money (so not going out as much), I have been busy with school so I can finish my degree next year and honestly, I've just been tired. I still like beer, but I'm not the one you're gonna find drinking it more than once or so per month (if that). Running goals sometimes dictate my schedule and force early bedtimes.

As we change, it seems like things around us change also - sometimes it's that you don't fit in anymore. Sometimes it's that you're seen as anti-social. Sometimes it's seen withdrawal. But, sometimes people see it for what it is - that you're focusing on you for a bit.

So, that leaves me feeling...uncomfortable. In groups, in organizations, at home. It's not always a bad thing. But sometimes it does feel as though you're "on the edge, looking in". In the short term, it may be odd and rough. But I'm trying to see the long-term, bigger picture. The light at the end of the tunnel, if you will.

I still want to help people and learn things. I still want to teach people things. And in many ways, the uncomfortable feeling is teaching me about myself.

Thanks to the 90s

As I drove home from Ann Arbor tonight, I decided to do a quick blog as a shout out to the 90s music that kept me awake and driving. From grunge to rap, metal to cheesy songs, I had quite the sing-a-long.

One of those songs reminded me of one of my favorite concerts I've been to. The Wallflowers just put on a great show where they played and shared their music. And this song sort of feels fitting tonight.

Some would say I'm crazy...

Today was the annual Winterlaufe 8K race in Frankenmuth. This is the second year I've done the race, and it almost didn't happen because I really didn't want to get up this morning. But, after some prodding, I got up, got in the car and headed with my friend Dave to run the race.

Now, it was much snowier this year than last year. I don't have YakTrax and I thought I'd be ok. What I didn't bank on was the amount of snow that was on the roads and trail in this race. Most of it is on the roads, but there's a section that goes onto a trail that takes you over a bridge. I never felt like I could get my bearings and ended up walking a lot more than I had hoped.

During the race, I had a few thoughts about this running thing. I started thinking that maybe I'm not cut out for it. In the end, I ran about 14:46/mile, much lower than last year's 11:01/mile. I knew I was going slow. I anticipated being last in my age group (second to last). But it still felt like maybe I'm not good enough. But I kept going.

In the end, I remembered that I haven't been training regularly (and just getting back into it) and having to build myself back up after a lackluster end to 2013 and beginning to 2014. This was the opportunity to start over for the year (February 1) and recommit to my training. It also happened to be Declare It Day through Fellow Flowers (I have one of my favorite t-shirts from here - it's about courage).

So, I made an audacious goal:

It's a good thing I'm already signed up for 3 this spring, right?

In addition, I learned a few more things out of today's run (in no particular order):

1) I need YakTrax (I just ordered them).

2) I'm not entirely sure how to log a family style meal at Zehnder's into My Fitness Pal, so I'm just going to call it a ridiculous amount of calories and accept that I was not under my calorie goal today.

3) I DO have pain from my fall the other night (and I felt it with almost each step and I can feel it as I twist).

4) It could have been worse.

5) I might have a race plan for the year...