I've written before about how I know I'm a slow runner, and I don't expect to get MUCH faster over time. In fact, I am actually becoming more comfortable where I am, though still working to get faster (with mixed results).
But at this point, I've been thinking more about my preferred running conditions - mostly in the realm of "run with a group or alone?"
It doesn't make sense, but I tend to push myself more when I run alone. I do run with my coaches for Team in Training, but I sort of feel like I end up going a bit slower. When I run with friends (who typically tend to be a bit (or a lot) faster than I am), I find myself feeling bad for slowing them down.
When I run in a race, I tend to shut out the other people around me and focus on my running. I'm a music runner - but I have also found out that I can run without music. Both ways allow me to focus on myself.
I realize that running with a friend or group has its benefits - I probably would've stayed in bed yesterday had I not been running with someone. But I end up feeling a pressure when running with others (usually one that I impose on myself) that somewhat hinders me.
It's odd - it sort of goes against all logic. But as a super slow runner who is trying to accept that I'm not going to be a 9 minute miler (and tends to be an overachiever), I think it makes me feel like a failure to be super slow. I'm getting better at dealing with where I am, and remind myself that I'm doing a lot more than many people do. I've pushed myself outside of my comfort zone (the couch) and had some great experiences doing so.
So, as I begin my taper this week for my half marathon, I remember that my goal is to beat my time in my D.C. race. I will run that race and do my best. And I will FINISH.
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
What a difference a year makes...
I'm officially 33 years old today.
The day has been pretty good, mostly because people took time out of their day to wish me well and I decided I was going to eat whatever I wanted to (really not any different than the last couple of weeks, but now I had an excuse).
But I found my mind wandering a bit, thinking about this time last year and what has happened since.
September 24, 2012: I had made a decision to let go of something very dear to me. It's funny what happens when you know it's going to happen, but you accept it. I was preparing to have my heart broken and lose something I loved. I lost my place and didn't know what else to do.
I had just started my master's program and at this point, I had run a few 5K races. I had been at my new job for about three whole months (!) and learning what the heck I'd gotten myself into.
Since then: This is going to turn into a list of things that have happened and that I've learned.
- I started training for my first half marathon (and ran it!).
- I found out who my real friends are.
- People will make things up about you no matter what you do. Be yourself.
- Karma exists.
- Being a student and working full-time takes a lot of work.
- I have saved money from driving less (well, not really).
- I made my first trip to Washington, D.C.
- I ran across the Mackinac Bridge.
- I started training for my second half marathon.
- I ran my first 10K.
- I did the Warrior Dash.
- I've been inspired by others' actions.
- I am a nerd at heart.
- I'm finally starting to feel comfortable with what I talk about at work (you know, like I've actually learned something).
- I'm still learning things at work and love my job.
- I've learned to let go.
- Some people can be pretty horrible human beings, but...
- That doesn't mean that all of them are - in fact, most people are good.
September 24, 2013:
As I start my 33rd year on Earth, I am happy to report that I'll be participating in my second half marathon and have raised about $4,700 for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society through Team in Training. I'll be halfway through my master's program by the end of this year. I'm still learning lots at work.
I understand that despite how other people act, I am in control of my feelings and actions. I realize that when things no longer serve me, that it's time to let them go. A level of stress is acceptable, but overwhelming stress isn't.
I am not perfect. I am not 100%. But over the last year, my journey has brought me to a place where I am glass half full and letting small things go. I feel happier without the stress of negative people in my life. I am happier being the full-fledged nerd that I am.
I had to fall hard emotionally to understand that other people do not determine my worth - I DO. It took dealing with those emotions to see that I'm meant to be a positive force no matter what I do.
Thank you to everyone for your well wishes today and for all of the amazing, positive, incredible friends and people that I am honored to know. You have more of an impact on me than you know.
I only hope to be able to return the favor sometime. Namaste.
The day has been pretty good, mostly because people took time out of their day to wish me well and I decided I was going to eat whatever I wanted to (really not any different than the last couple of weeks, but now I had an excuse).
But I found my mind wandering a bit, thinking about this time last year and what has happened since.
September 24, 2012: I had made a decision to let go of something very dear to me. It's funny what happens when you know it's going to happen, but you accept it. I was preparing to have my heart broken and lose something I loved. I lost my place and didn't know what else to do.
I had just started my master's program and at this point, I had run a few 5K races. I had been at my new job for about three whole months (!) and learning what the heck I'd gotten myself into.
Since then: This is going to turn into a list of things that have happened and that I've learned.
- I started training for my first half marathon (and ran it!).
- I found out who my real friends are.
- People will make things up about you no matter what you do. Be yourself.
- Karma exists.
- Being a student and working full-time takes a lot of work.
- I have saved money from driving less (well, not really).
- I made my first trip to Washington, D.C.
- I ran across the Mackinac Bridge.
- I started training for my second half marathon.
- I ran my first 10K.
- I did the Warrior Dash.
- I've been inspired by others' actions.
- I am a nerd at heart.
- I'm finally starting to feel comfortable with what I talk about at work (you know, like I've actually learned something).
- I'm still learning things at work and love my job.
- I've learned to let go.
- Some people can be pretty horrible human beings, but...
- That doesn't mean that all of them are - in fact, most people are good.
September 24, 2013:
As I start my 33rd year on Earth, I am happy to report that I'll be participating in my second half marathon and have raised about $4,700 for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society through Team in Training. I'll be halfway through my master's program by the end of this year. I'm still learning lots at work.
I understand that despite how other people act, I am in control of my feelings and actions. I realize that when things no longer serve me, that it's time to let them go. A level of stress is acceptable, but overwhelming stress isn't.
I am not perfect. I am not 100%. But over the last year, my journey has brought me to a place where I am glass half full and letting small things go. I feel happier without the stress of negative people in my life. I am happier being the full-fledged nerd that I am.
I had to fall hard emotionally to understand that other people do not determine my worth - I DO. It took dealing with those emotions to see that I'm meant to be a positive force no matter what I do.
Thank you to everyone for your well wishes today and for all of the amazing, positive, incredible friends and people that I am honored to know. You have more of an impact on me than you know.
I only hope to be able to return the favor sometime. Namaste.
Friday, September 20, 2013
I was wrong
Yup, I was wrong. Yesterday, after feeling attacked for being a Wolverine, I just got fed up. I wrote a letter to Lansing based on my experience, but in the end generalized MSU fans - the same thing that I was frustrated with about how some MSU fans/alums treat UM fans.
I was wrong. And the best that I can say is that I'm sorry.
There are no excuses. I screwed up.
I'm sorry.
I was wrong. And the best that I can say is that I'm sorry.
There are no excuses. I screwed up.
I'm sorry.
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Letter to Lansing
I find myself angry today. Short story, here's why.
I will repeat myself and say that I think this is a poor use of funds. The UM Athletic Department and President's Office will hear about it. I also find it a bit suspect that words showed up in East Lansing when it was apparently directed at SE Michigan.
With that, I do have a letter for the Greater Lansing area -
Dear Lansing,
I moved here eight years ago last month to take a job in our state capital. I've lived downtown, on the south side and in Delta Township. I've become involved in many causes and have worked to make this community better. I've found good friends, a good job and myself while I've been here.
I recently completed a list of 40 things to do by the time I turn 40 years old. On that list is to buy a house. When I put that on the list, I envisioned that the house would be in this area.
But one thing has come to disturb me over time. You see, I bleed maize and blue. And because of that, there have been multiple times where I have felt targeted, uncomfortable and just plain not welcome.
It's been assumed that because I am a University of Michigan fan, I am any or all of the following: an arrogant clown, petty, a poor sport, a Walmart Wolverine, an asshole, evil, misguided, among a whole of other negatives. There are people that I know are joking and I get that. But there is an unsettling feeling that I get that no matter what I do, people in this area will still view me negatively.
I ask you to consider how you treat others. If this community wants to continue to grow and prosper, it needs to be welcoming to those that want to make a home here and be productive members of society, regardless of their school affiliation (and a WHOLE SLEW of other things).
It encourages me to see the positive out of the above story: $30,000+ donated to fight ovarian cancer and MSU alumni banding together. But I've also seen the negative out of it: poor use of funds for skywriting by UM and more name calling by MSU fans.
I will bleed maize and blue until I die. Regardless of what school we went to (in Michigan, out of Michigan, private/public), we should all be working to make this area a better place to live, work and play.
But it's up to MSU fans and those that live in the Greater Lansing area to determine if they will be a more welcoming community to those that might be different than they are.
Sincerely,
Angela M. Clock
University of Michigan BA '02
GO BLUE!
I will repeat myself and say that I think this is a poor use of funds. The UM Athletic Department and President's Office will hear about it. I also find it a bit suspect that words showed up in East Lansing when it was apparently directed at SE Michigan.
With that, I do have a letter for the Greater Lansing area -
Dear Lansing,
I moved here eight years ago last month to take a job in our state capital. I've lived downtown, on the south side and in Delta Township. I've become involved in many causes and have worked to make this community better. I've found good friends, a good job and myself while I've been here.
I recently completed a list of 40 things to do by the time I turn 40 years old. On that list is to buy a house. When I put that on the list, I envisioned that the house would be in this area.
But one thing has come to disturb me over time. You see, I bleed maize and blue. And because of that, there have been multiple times where I have felt targeted, uncomfortable and just plain not welcome.
It's been assumed that because I am a University of Michigan fan, I am any or all of the following: an arrogant clown, petty, a poor sport, a Walmart Wolverine, an asshole, evil, misguided, among a whole of other negatives. There are people that I know are joking and I get that. But there is an unsettling feeling that I get that no matter what I do, people in this area will still view me negatively.
I ask you to consider how you treat others. If this community wants to continue to grow and prosper, it needs to be welcoming to those that want to make a home here and be productive members of society, regardless of their school affiliation (and a WHOLE SLEW of other things).
It encourages me to see the positive out of the above story: $30,000+ donated to fight ovarian cancer and MSU alumni banding together. But I've also seen the negative out of it: poor use of funds for skywriting by UM and more name calling by MSU fans.
I will bleed maize and blue until I die. Regardless of what school we went to (in Michigan, out of Michigan, private/public), we should all be working to make this area a better place to live, work and play.
But it's up to MSU fans and those that live in the Greater Lansing area to determine if they will be a more welcoming community to those that might be different than they are.
Sincerely,
Angela M. Clock
University of Michigan BA '02
GO BLUE!
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
It's always a good time...
"We are put on this earth to have a good time. This makes other people feel good. And the cycle continues." - Wolfman Jack
In the last several weeks, things have been looking pretty good. Busy, but good. School has started again (only one class), I'm in the heaviest part of my half marathon training (and sticking to it for the most part) and the fiscal year is coming to a close at work (eek).
Now, that doesn't mean that crappy stuff hasn't happened. Like the dog and the larger than normal vet bills/allergen reducing purchases, getting dragged into drama and eating a bit too much (it could be argued this is good).
But in the midst of it all, I've found that in some way, there is always something that can make me feel better. I am finding that no matter how crappy I might feel, I can try to do something about it. Tonight, I've decided to make a list of some of those things that make me feel better and have helped me along the way.
In no particular order:
1) Dakota (she's so cute when she sleeps)
2) Sleep
3) Cheese
4) Books/bookstores/libraries
5) Singing
6) Wipeout
7) Ann Arbor
8) Michigan Football/Basketball/sports/anything
9) My work board
10) Running (once I finally get off my ass to go)
11) Random memories/sayings/dances of friends
12) Cards Against Humanity with a certain group of people
13) Trivia
14) Zoolander/Anchorman/Talladega Nights/Austin Powers (you know, silly movies)
15) George Clooney (why do you think I own Batman & Robin?)
16) LL Cool J
17) Wonder Woman
18) Mac and cheese
19) Sushi
20) Lake Michigan
21) Driving
22) Yoga
23) Katy Perry or Lady Gaga songs
24) Batman
25) Helping others/making a difference
26) The Beatles
27) Bacon/pork belly
Again, it's not an exhaustive list. I'm sure I could sit here all night and come up with items, but I have things to get done on my to do list. The point is to make yourself aware of the things that make you happy and DO THEM, especially when the chips are down. It makes the rough times a little more bearable and the good times even better.
(Sorry Carrie, I know it's Owl City, and you want to punch them, but I like this song.)
In the last several weeks, things have been looking pretty good. Busy, but good. School has started again (only one class), I'm in the heaviest part of my half marathon training (and sticking to it for the most part) and the fiscal year is coming to a close at work (eek).
Now, that doesn't mean that crappy stuff hasn't happened. Like the dog and the larger than normal vet bills/allergen reducing purchases, getting dragged into drama and eating a bit too much (it could be argued this is good).
But in the midst of it all, I've found that in some way, there is always something that can make me feel better. I am finding that no matter how crappy I might feel, I can try to do something about it. Tonight, I've decided to make a list of some of those things that make me feel better and have helped me along the way.
In no particular order:
1) Dakota (she's so cute when she sleeps)
2) Sleep
3) Cheese
4) Books/bookstores/libraries
5) Singing
6) Wipeout
7) Ann Arbor
8) Michigan Football/Basketball/sports/anything
9) My work board
10) Running (once I finally get off my ass to go)
11) Random memories/sayings/dances of friends
12) Cards Against Humanity with a certain group of people
13) Trivia
14) Zoolander/Anchorman/Talladega Nights/Austin Powers (you know, silly movies)
15) George Clooney (why do you think I own Batman & Robin?)
16) LL Cool J
17) Wonder Woman
18) Mac and cheese
19) Sushi
20) Lake Michigan
21) Driving
22) Yoga
23) Katy Perry or Lady Gaga songs
24) Batman
25) Helping others/making a difference
26) The Beatles
27) Bacon/pork belly
Again, it's not an exhaustive list. I'm sure I could sit here all night and come up with items, but I have things to get done on my to do list. The point is to make yourself aware of the things that make you happy and DO THEM, especially when the chips are down. It makes the rough times a little more bearable and the good times even better.
(Sorry Carrie, I know it's Owl City, and you want to punch them, but I like this song.)
Sunday, September 8, 2013
I bleed Maize and Blue
It's before 9am on a Sunday and I'm writing a blog. This is a bit unusual for me, since I'm typically not up at 8am on Sunday unless: 1) I'm scheduled to run or 2) I have someone I need to be. Neither of those things pertain today (though I do need to run at some point).
Anyway, my sleep was kind of crappy last night and I woke up early this morning to find a status update on Facebook that in some ways makes me giggle and in some ways just angers me.
So here I am, writing this blog. It's about sportsmanship and my beloved Michigan Wolverines.
Disclaimer (for those of you that will be quick to point out that I'm a "Walmart Wolverine" based on the school that shows up first on my Facebook profile):
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It's great to be a Michigan Wolverine!
Anyway, my sleep was kind of crappy last night and I woke up early this morning to find a status update on Facebook that in some ways makes me giggle and in some ways just angers me.
So here I am, writing this blog. It's about sportsmanship and my beloved Michigan Wolverines.
Disclaimer (for those of you that will be quick to point out that I'm a "Walmart Wolverine" based on the school that shows up first on my Facebook profile):
.JPG)
Oh wait, here's another disclaimer: I really only "dislike" two schools in the NCAA: Notre Dame and Ohio State. I cheer for MSU when they aren't playing Michigan and especially when they're playing either of the above two teams.
Now that that's out of the way, here we go.
By my account, I have more than one Facebook friend that is an MSU fan. Many of them are quite congenial, but there are some that just insist that anyone who didn't go to UM and cheers for them is a "Walmart Wolverine".
I get it. There are people that just randomly pick a team to like and go with it. But guess what? That's their choice? If they choose to like MSU but didn't go there, are they a "Walmart Spartan"? No, because that's ok - fans are fans! Do you think EVERYONE in Spartan Stadium on Game Day went there? (This applies to other schools also.) I sure hope not!
By their definition, my dad, mom and brother would be considered Walmart Wolverines. Never mind that my dad had the dream to play college football at UM and that ended when his knee blew out late in his HS career. Never mind that a sister or daughter was the first in the family to graduate with a college degree from the school that she knew she was going to and worked her ass off to get into since birth.
By their definition, another friend who has a legacy in her family at UM, but chose to attend another school for her own reasons (she got into UM, FYI) is a Walmart Wolverine.
By their definition, yet another friend who applied to UM, got in, but hit a hurdle and couldn't afford to go there is a Walmart Wolverine.
Are there UM fans that are obnoxious? Sure. But there are plenty of obnoxious fans no matter which school you go to. And in my experience, I have seen some pretty rude and obnoxious MSU fans in my time in Lansing (which is going on 8 years or so).
So, for those of you that insist on always making comments about that "other in-state school", take some pride in your home team and cheer for them without tearing others down. When all the schools in Michigan do well, WE all do well.
I will ALWAYS bleed Maize and Blue. My team is my team and I love them regardless of their record.
It's great to be a Michigan Wolverine!
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
I am a champion...
“And you’re gonna hear me roar…”
OK, I admit it. I own a lot of Katy Perry music. It’s like
the one time someone asked me if I was a closet Journey fan, and I replied “there’s
no closet about it!”
Though you’re probably wondering why I’m writing about Katy
Perry. I bought two new songs the other day to add to my running playlist – “Roar”
by Katy Perry and “Applause” by Lady Gaga. They've both been in my head
recently.
When I had my really crappy run on Sunday, “Roar” came on at
about the 6.5 mile mark. For some reason, it was the right song for the time,
because I was heading down a hill and I actually had a good section of running.
I was singing, but there wasn't anyone around to hear (thank goodness).
The song is relevant to me right now, similar to how “Wide
Awake” was relevant for a good stretch of time at the end of last year and
beginning of this year. Right now, I’m in the midst of what I might consider a
re-emergence. I've laid low a lot of this year and focused on my running,
school, my apartment and my dog. I've spent a lot less money on gas, and gotten
rid of a TON of stuff.
But in recent weeks, I’ve started leaving my shell. Part of
that is due to feeling much better after talking to my doctor and getting a
good dose of vitamin B12 (yay, shots!) to solve my fatigue issues. Part of that
is that I’ve missed the people that matter to me.
But I think most of it is that I’ve decided it’s time to be
me and not worry about what other people think of me. Over the last year, I
found out a lot about who my friends are and who just wants to cause trouble
and perpetuate drama. My friends are the ones that deserve my time and
attention, along with the causes that I care about. Between those things and
running, school, etc., I don’t have time to deal with the negativity and bullshit
that others seem to keep focusing on.
It might be that I turn 33 soon and have learned quite a bit
on the journey here. It might be that I’ve figured out if people have nothing
better to do than talk crap about me when I’m not even there, that’s their
problem, not mine.
What I can control is what I do. And I’m going to enjoy my
life, doing the things that I like to do, use the word “no” more and not let
others define me.
"I’ve got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire, ‘cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar…”
Monday, September 2, 2013
Out of the comfort zone
"Do one thing every day that scares you." - Eleanor Roosevelt
I've been up since about 4:15 this morning. This seems odd, considering it's a day off and sleeping in seems like a good idea. But, I was here:
In the last 26 hours, I've been to the Upper Peninsula TWICE (that's more than normal for a year). In the last two weeks, I've been to Gaylord or north three times. Whew!
Last year, I heard there was a Bridge Run. It was too late by that time for me to try to get into it and so I decided to pay attention for he 2013 run. So, back in the spring, my friend Dave and I signed up for the lottery. They choose 500 runners from everyone who enters the lottery.
The good news: I was chosen. The bad news: Dave was not. And we found out while basically sitting across from each other. Once I got the email, I had a couple of weeks to accept the invite, and I kept waffling on it. I didn't want to go by myself. I felt bad that I made it. I didn't want to pay the entire hotel expense (ugh, holiday weekend + tourist town = super high rate).
In the end, I sucked it up, turned in my form and check and made a hotel reservation. After that, I didn't think much about it until this last week.
When I was coming back to the Lower Peninsula last week, I was scoping out the Bridge and it's incline. Oof. Since then, it's been a cause of anxiety for me. I was already worried about running the entire length of the Bridge (one of the rules was no stopping and must run the whole thing). I still run/walk. I was going to try to run as much as possible and hope I wasn't last.
I scoped out the incline again last night when I was coming back from St. Ignace and started to freak out again. Now, mind you, it wasn't the height of the bridge, or the water underneath (though I can't swim, so you'd think I might freak out about that).
This morning, we got on the buses and crossed the Bridge. It was slow, since there were high winds and lots of buses heading across. They dropped us off and we went into the runners area where there were two Port-a-Johns - for 382 runners. Did I mention it was about 58 degrees and high winds next to the water?
So, I got in line for the toilet like a good runner, and froze my butt off there, even with a long sleeve shirt and my capris on (so glad I went that route - almost wore shorts). Shortly after I was done (it was a bit warmer inside the bathroom), they started to get ready to send off the four wheelers that were participating. Just as we started to get ready to go, the Governor and Lt. Governor came over to greet us and help the runners get started.
See, the run is separate from the walk. This was the 10th year of the run, while the walk has been occurring since the 1950s. While the run had 382 runners, the walk had over 40,000 people.
The wheelers went off, then the state employees, and I ended up being in one of the first three groups (this was important, because it would mean I most likely wouldn't be last). As we were waiting, I was talking to a gentleman and two women next to me. This was his third time participating, and it was the first for most of us. I happened to mention that I wasn't concerned about the Bridge itself, but was freaking out about the incline for the first 2.5 miles. I was then told not to worry about it and the adrenaline would get me through.
Holy crap, who knew? I had the MOST horrible run yesterday. I didn't even finish my entire training distance (9 miles). I could barely breathe and was just SLOW. I was really unhappy afterward and didn't expect much from today's run.
I was wrong. And that incline that I've been freaking out about? It doesn't really seem like you're on much of an incline (even though it looks that way as you approach it). And running the whole thing? Ha! I wasn't the only person out there not running the whole thing! I kept waiting for one of the National Guard soldiers to tell me to get moving when I would stop to take a picture. Luckily, the two women that were nearby me before we started were stopping and taking photos and we had a lot of fun with it.
One thing I also forgot to mention that was freaking me out a little - we weren't allowed to have headphones due to traffic still being on the Bridge. What? I need music! I can't run without it!
LIE. Because this was one of the prettiest runs ever, I had no need for music. I was enjoying the entire length of the Bridge. I saw the sunrise near the Island, saw the beautiful water and waves crashing, stopped on the grates and took photos over the water below and just awed at the fact that I was RUNNING ON THE BRIDGE.
Why had I freaked out about this? It was so amazing. This is one of the coolest things I have ever done. And when I got done, I couldn't wait to do it again.
This was what I needed today. The view and awe of the fact I was doing something very few have done reminded me to have fun and enjoy the run.
Whether you walk or run, I highly suggest taking part in this Labor Day tradition in the future, if you haven't already. It's an amazingly well run event and I would have no doubt that the experience will stick with you forever.
Until then, here's a preview of the sunrise you may be lucky to see if you're willing to get out there before dawn in the future. Trust me, it's worth it.
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