Wearing Your Heart on Your Sleeve

For those of you who don't know, I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve. It's a safe bet that if I'm in a bad mood, you'll know about it. If I'm in a good mood, you'll also know it. For the most part, I've never seen it quite as a bad thing to let people know how I'm feeling.

With the new technology available today such as Twitter, Facebook and blogs, it's a wonder that not EVERYONE knows how I feel. I tend to update my Facebook status on a fairly regular basis. I use different things - what I'm thinking, how I'm feeling, song lyrics of the song on my iPod, or quotes. I tend to use it as more of an outlet to clear my brain sometimes, similar to my blog.

And because I use it as a way to clear my thoughts or get something off my chest, I never really think much about the ramifications of what I write. Everyone has bad days, and everyone has to have a way to deal with them right? But, how do negative comments look to others that look at your Facebook page or blog? How is it different than acting like you're in a bad mood?

I think for me, in some ways, being able to share what I'm feeling or thinking on a status update helps me cope with what's going on in my life. Especially when I don't quite have people that I can call up to vent about things...

More thoughts...

Today I've been thinking about friends again. Lots of questions have been swirling through my head, including whether it's worth it to be loyal to anyone, especially when there's always the chance to that person not having the same type of committment to a friendship as you do.

How do you know when to trust someone? How do you know when someone really, truly is a friend? When do you not have to worry about saying something wrong to someone you consider a friend? Why do I always feel like I'm screwing up with people that I want as friends?

Just a bunch of questions tonight...

Sunday nights

I find myself sitting here on a Sunday night, watching some more Smallville in an attempt to get caught up for when season 8 comes out on DVD in August. I'm in the middle of season 4 right now - for the second time. I had to rewatch seasons I'd already seen since it had been awhile.

But my mind keeps wandering. There's a lot going on for me this week, and I have a feeling that my work and personal lives are going to collide toward the end of the week. I don't do well on Mondays anyway, but this week it's going to be even tougher. I've got a lot of catching up to do at work from last week still, and there are some other things I am waiting to hear about.

I think it's going to be a long week that I'm very anxious to see how it pans out. However, I think that I'm going to be quite anxious throughout the entire week and hope I can be productive...

Blogs

I've come to the realization lately that I usually write blogs in order to get things off my mind, or clear my mind. They aren't necessarily mind blowing or thought provoking, but it's been a good place to vent frustrations or clear my mind.

I know I'm not the most coherent writer, but I write comes to my brain. I have lots of friends that are very good writers, and have a point to their blogs, but I'm just not one of those...

Friends

I know a lot of people - whether it's through work, the Jaycees, since high school, or other means. But, I honestly don't have a lot of friends. The few that I do have, I tend to be fiercely loyal to.

So today brings me to this thought: I feel horrible when I can't help one of my friends out. Especially when at times, they do so much for me. It puts me into a funk when I try to cheer someone up, but it doesn't work. I want to do everything in my power to help people.

I've learned many times though that even with being loyal to my friends, there are only a very few people that would help me out as I would help them. Which, is why I've determined I have very few good friends anymore. I know our circles get smaller as we get older, but I'm still trying to grapple with it.

Last day of May

Am I glad today is the last day of May - this has been a month of craziness, frustration, and fun. I haven't written here for a couple of weeks, and even then, they were very short posts. I have thought about writing, but just haven't had the time or energy to do so.

May had Jaycees craziness going on - including Texas Hold 'Em, MIJC convention at Boyne, meetings, East Lansing Art Festival, float building and a parade, rafting in West Virginia...and lots more. All this while I was trying to pack my apartment up in order to move this weekend. Guess who wasn't as prepared as she had hoped she was to move?

Dakota had a mass removed from her hind leg on the 14th - she's doing well, but she hated having the cone around her neck. We found out the growth was a cancerous one, but benign, and they're pretty sure they removed it all. She's back to her normal self now that the stitches are out and the cone is gone.

There were some fun times this month, but for the most part, I had a rough go of it. I've been having a hard time being confident about myself in many aspects. Work hasn't been what it used to be, but I'm not sure if it's my attitude, or if something has changed. I also know that I have to be looking for a new job too - I think that makes it difficult.

Here's to June having some more down time, more fun times, and lots of sleep!

Here I am!

It's been awhile since I posted. I'm not posting much right at the moment, but hopefully will get back into the swing of things soon.

However, I wanted to post my link for my Relay for Life team - and ask for donations! So, if you're feeling up to it, click on the link and help me raise money for the American Cancer Society!