"Things do not change; we change." - Henry David Thoreau
Over the last six months, things have felt off. In some ways, I haven't been able to pinpoint it except to say that there are changes: changes in priorities, changes in interests, changes in how I feel, changes in how I look at things.
As I've changed interests and added goals, it's changed my priorities. I'm not as social as I used to be. Part of that is because I'm working on saving money (so not going out as much), I have been busy with school so I can finish my degree next year and honestly, I've just been tired. I still like beer, but I'm not the one you're gonna find drinking it more than once or so per month (if that). Running goals sometimes dictate my schedule and force early bedtimes.
As we change, it seems like things around us change also - sometimes it's that you don't fit in anymore. Sometimes it's that you're seen as anti-social. Sometimes it's seen withdrawal. But, sometimes people see it for what it is - that you're focusing on you for a bit.
So, that leaves me feeling...uncomfortable. In groups, in organizations, at home. It's not always a bad thing. But sometimes it does feel as though you're "on the edge, looking in". In the short term, it may be odd and rough. But I'm trying to see the long-term, bigger picture. The light at the end of the tunnel, if you will.
I still want to help people and learn things. I still want to teach people things. And in many ways, the uncomfortable feeling is teaching me about myself.
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Monday, February 3, 2014
Thanks to the 90s
As I drove home from Ann Arbor tonight, I decided to do a quick blog as a shout out to the 90s music that kept me awake and driving. From grunge to rap, metal to cheesy songs, I had quite the sing-a-long.
One of those songs reminded me of one of my favorite concerts I've been to. The Wallflowers just put on a great show where they played and shared their music. And this song sort of feels fitting tonight.
One of those songs reminded me of one of my favorite concerts I've been to. The Wallflowers just put on a great show where they played and shared their music. And this song sort of feels fitting tonight.
Saturday, February 1, 2014
Some would say I'm crazy...
Today was the annual Winterlaufe 8K race in Frankenmuth. This is the second year I've done the race, and it almost didn't happen because I really didn't want to get up this morning. But, after some prodding, I got up, got in the car and headed with my friend Dave to run the race.
Now, it was much snowier this year than last year. I don't have YakTrax and I thought I'd be ok. What I didn't bank on was the amount of snow that was on the roads and trail in this race. Most of it is on the roads, but there's a section that goes onto a trail that takes you over a bridge. I never felt like I could get my bearings and ended up walking a lot more than I had hoped.
During the race, I had a few thoughts about this running thing. I started thinking that maybe I'm not cut out for it. In the end, I ran about 14:46/mile, much lower than last year's 11:01/mile. I knew I was going slow. I anticipated being last in my age group (second to last). But it still felt like maybe I'm not good enough. But I kept going.
In the end, I remembered that I haven't been training regularly (and just getting back into it) and having to build myself back up after a lackluster end to 2013 and beginning to 2014. This was the opportunity to start over for the year (February 1) and recommit to my training. It also happened to be Declare It Day through Fellow Flowers (I have one of my favorite t-shirts from here - it's about courage).
So, I made an audacious goal:
Now, it was much snowier this year than last year. I don't have YakTrax and I thought I'd be ok. What I didn't bank on was the amount of snow that was on the roads and trail in this race. Most of it is on the roads, but there's a section that goes onto a trail that takes you over a bridge. I never felt like I could get my bearings and ended up walking a lot more than I had hoped.
During the race, I had a few thoughts about this running thing. I started thinking that maybe I'm not cut out for it. In the end, I ran about 14:46/mile, much lower than last year's 11:01/mile. I knew I was going slow. I anticipated being last in my age group (second to last). But it still felt like maybe I'm not good enough. But I kept going.
In the end, I remembered that I haven't been training regularly (and just getting back into it) and having to build myself back up after a lackluster end to 2013 and beginning to 2014. This was the opportunity to start over for the year (February 1) and recommit to my training. It also happened to be Declare It Day through Fellow Flowers (I have one of my favorite t-shirts from here - it's about courage).
So, I made an audacious goal:
It's a good thing I'm already signed up for 3 this spring, right?
In addition, I learned a few more things out of today's run (in no particular order):
1) I need YakTrax (I just ordered them).
2) I'm not entirely sure how to log a family style meal at Zehnder's into My Fitness Pal, so I'm just going to call it a ridiculous amount of calories and accept that I was not under my calorie goal today.
3) I DO have pain from my fall the other night (and I felt it with almost each step and I can feel it as I twist).
4) It could have been worse.
5) I might have a race plan for the year...
Monday, January 13, 2014
B Words
I'm taking a short break tonight to write a bit about something that was brewing in my head yesterday on a long drive to Ludington and back.
Balance and Boundaries.
Over the last couple of months, it's felt a little like life has been spinning out of control. Mix in getting used to new things about 2014 and starting two classes for school, and it's been pretty scary.
But I finally had a little time to start sorting out my schedule and getting things back in order. And once I did that I realized a few things:
1) I can say "no".
2) I need to get caught up and keep up.
3) I need more fun time to balance out the work, school and other commitments.
4) I don't take the time I need for myself.
And that's where Balance and Boundaries come in.
I have commitments that I've made to myself and to others. I will honor those. But I will also be working on not offering to do everything, unless it's part of those commitments. I have personal goals and I can't succeed with those unless I curb other things.
Boundaries are being set. I've missed a lot of things because I've always tried to make myself available. I've been working since the new year (and before) to limit my time with technology, on social media, etc. It's helping with my attention span and my productivity. I'm doing more of the things I like to do instead of getting sucked into things for too much time.
This semester in particular is going to be extremely busy. While I didn't prepare properly before it started, I finally feel like I'm starting to get some traction on the new year and things are falling into place.
This year I will be working toward Balance in my life and Boundaries will help me achieve that.
Balance and Boundaries.
Over the last couple of months, it's felt a little like life has been spinning out of control. Mix in getting used to new things about 2014 and starting two classes for school, and it's been pretty scary.
But I finally had a little time to start sorting out my schedule and getting things back in order. And once I did that I realized a few things:
1) I can say "no".
2) I need to get caught up and keep up.
3) I need more fun time to balance out the work, school and other commitments.
4) I don't take the time I need for myself.
And that's where Balance and Boundaries come in.
I have commitments that I've made to myself and to others. I will honor those. But I will also be working on not offering to do everything, unless it's part of those commitments. I have personal goals and I can't succeed with those unless I curb other things.
Boundaries are being set. I've missed a lot of things because I've always tried to make myself available. I've been working since the new year (and before) to limit my time with technology, on social media, etc. It's helping with my attention span and my productivity. I'm doing more of the things I like to do instead of getting sucked into things for too much time.
This semester in particular is going to be extremely busy. While I didn't prepare properly before it started, I finally feel like I'm starting to get some traction on the new year and things are falling into place.
This year I will be working toward Balance in my life and Boundaries will help me achieve that.
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Tales of the Absentminded Me
First off, I apologize. Over the last month or so, I have lost my damn mind. I'm not particularly sure where it is, but I probably lost it sometime in early December, so it may be in D.C.
Since Thanksgiving, I've taken two work trips, a fun trip, and was home for about two weeks total. I co-chaired a big project for the Jaycees that ended up being more than I had counted on. Household chores went by the wayside, Dakota spent a lot of time on vacation (which equals lots of biscuits), my brain and ody were not sure where I was and lots of money was spent. Just before the new year, after returning from Boston, I crashed.
And I haven't quite adjusted since then. And that's turned into things just looking like a huge mess in my calendar, email, on paper, and at home. I know I just have to look at it one small thing at a time to get the ball rolling, but with the weather and classes starting, it feels a bit overwhelming.
So I ask for your patience as I dig out of the hole I find myself in. There are things I've been neglecting (running) and things I've been doing too much of (sleeping). It's time to find the balance again and tips the scales in the right direction (literally, I have gained a good bit of weight since the half marathon). This may include scheduling my time more, being online less, spending more time studying (actually that's a given).
So, it's time to take a deep breath and get rid of this discombobulated feeling I've been dealing with.
What do you do to get back on track after crazy periods?
Since Thanksgiving, I've taken two work trips, a fun trip, and was home for about two weeks total. I co-chaired a big project for the Jaycees that ended up being more than I had counted on. Household chores went by the wayside, Dakota spent a lot of time on vacation (which equals lots of biscuits), my brain and ody were not sure where I was and lots of money was spent. Just before the new year, after returning from Boston, I crashed.
And I haven't quite adjusted since then. And that's turned into things just looking like a huge mess in my calendar, email, on paper, and at home. I know I just have to look at it one small thing at a time to get the ball rolling, but with the weather and classes starting, it feels a bit overwhelming.
So I ask for your patience as I dig out of the hole I find myself in. There are things I've been neglecting (running) and things I've been doing too much of (sleeping). It's time to find the balance again and tips the scales in the right direction (literally, I have gained a good bit of weight since the half marathon). This may include scheduling my time more, being online less, spending more time studying (actually that's a given).
So, it's time to take a deep breath and get rid of this discombobulated feeling I've been dealing with.
What do you do to get back on track after crazy periods?
Monday, January 6, 2014
Quasi-goals
December was such a crazy month for me that I hardly even thought of things I want to accomplish in the new year. I was mostly traveling, working, sleeping or reading (aka enjoying time off from school).
So the last few days, I've been getting sucked back into reality and 2014. I've paid my first round of bills for the year, adjusted my budget, prepared for classes to start, cleaned up the mess my apartment has turned into with me gone most of last month and signed up for races. So, in order to keep pace, here are some of the personal quasi-goals that keep running through my head.
- Get my passport this year
- Read 20 books
- Get back into training (yoga, running - 3 half marathons between March and May)
- Keep reducing debt (and making sure I keep up on my budget, which fell off the last half of 2013)
- Less technology time
- Be more mindful of what I eat
- Be me
Many of these are similar to years past. It happens. But I think it's more getting back on track to where I was before the last couple of crazy months that included finishing up a semester, travel and just plain feeling burned out and exhausted. I think that holiday break has helped and I hope to continue carrying the less stressed feeling that I've had recently.
It's time to get 2014 in gear!
So the last few days, I've been getting sucked back into reality and 2014. I've paid my first round of bills for the year, adjusted my budget, prepared for classes to start, cleaned up the mess my apartment has turned into with me gone most of last month and signed up for races. So, in order to keep pace, here are some of the personal quasi-goals that keep running through my head.
- Get my passport this year
- Read 20 books
- Get back into training (yoga, running - 3 half marathons between March and May)
- Keep reducing debt (and making sure I keep up on my budget, which fell off the last half of 2013)
- Less technology time
- Be more mindful of what I eat
- Be me
Many of these are similar to years past. It happens. But I think it's more getting back on track to where I was before the last couple of crazy months that included finishing up a semester, travel and just plain feeling burned out and exhausted. I think that holiday break has helped and I hope to continue carrying the less stressed feeling that I've had recently.
It's time to get 2014 in gear!
Friday, January 3, 2014
Outgrowing things
Over the past year, I've been working on a project to clean out my apartment from all of the stuff I've just moved around since I've been on my own. I'm still not done yet (it seems like I never will be), but at this point, I think I have ruled that it might be time to upgrade to a bigger apartment.
One of my goals for 2014 is to continue to purge items I don't need, but also start getting ready to move into a larger apartment in my complex later this year. In addition to more space, it'll provide office space that is much needed since I began working from home.
Everything is starting to feel crowded. It's me, Dakota and a bunch of stuff in a very small space. I hate using my kitchen because it's so small and there's not a ton of storage space. Granted, I just pay rent here and Dakota lives here.
As I've been cleaning things out, I've gone through a lot of pictures and papers. It got me thinking about other things I've either outgrown or seem like a lifetime away. I used to be in band and even auditioned for music school when I originally applied to college. There are things that I used to be extremely passionate about that I now don't quite know how I feel about them. There are things like running that I used to say "heck no!" and now I'm signed up for three half marathons between now and May.
It's just amazing to me how different needs arise over time. I once had a two bedroom apartment right after college, and it seemed very empty. However, now, over 10 years later, I'm fairly certain that I will have no problem filling one up and enjoying some space.
May 2014 be a year of continued growth!
One of my goals for 2014 is to continue to purge items I don't need, but also start getting ready to move into a larger apartment in my complex later this year. In addition to more space, it'll provide office space that is much needed since I began working from home.
Everything is starting to feel crowded. It's me, Dakota and a bunch of stuff in a very small space. I hate using my kitchen because it's so small and there's not a ton of storage space. Granted, I just pay rent here and Dakota lives here.
As I've been cleaning things out, I've gone through a lot of pictures and papers. It got me thinking about other things I've either outgrown or seem like a lifetime away. I used to be in band and even auditioned for music school when I originally applied to college. There are things that I used to be extremely passionate about that I now don't quite know how I feel about them. There are things like running that I used to say "heck no!" and now I'm signed up for three half marathons between now and May.
It's just amazing to me how different needs arise over time. I once had a two bedroom apartment right after college, and it seemed very empty. However, now, over 10 years later, I'm fairly certain that I will have no problem filling one up and enjoying some space.
May 2014 be a year of continued growth!
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