Laying low

I’m tired.

I’m tired of the way people treat other people.

I’m tired of people talking about me even when I’m not there.

I’m tired of feeling scattered.

I’m tired of being tired.

Though I think I’m finally coming out of the fog (just a little…). Admittedly, I’ve become somewhat of a hermit this year compared to the last couple of years. I haven’t been putting as many miles on my car (though I did just get over putting 40,000 on it since I got it in November 2011). I’ve been sleeping a lot more. I’ve been running. In recent weeks, I’ve put an emphasis on finally getting my apartment organized and de-cluttered, while also finally picking up books that I hadn’t touched since January.

May and June were crazy, mostly because of my graduate class that had more reading than I could keep up with. I ran a 10K in May (about the only miles I ran that month), and kept up the slacker momentum in running even when my half marathon training started. I’m slowly getting back into my training and August will definitely be a test.

I’ve struggled with my energy. I’m hoping that the tide turns on this soon. I’m trying a lot of things to fix this, and I’m wondering if my doctor is starting to think I’m crazy (actually no, she just thinks I have a B12 deficiency and need to give myself shots).

Withdrawing has helped a bit. It’s not typically recommended when one deals with depression, but it’s also allowed me to focus on myself – cleaning/organizing my apartment, doing things I want to do, paying more attention to my dog in her older age and working on my graduate degree.

My healing has been progressing. Some days I find it easier not to talk to anyone for my own sake. Some days I’m chatty.

This time has also shown me that I am just not tolerant of people acting like jerks to other people. It’s shown me that the Golden Rule exists for a reason and when people don’t follow it (including myself), it sucks. Whether it’s dealing with someone in a store, at work, or in an organization, you don’t do anyone any favors, especially yourself, by treating them like crap.

Bullying seems to be a big issue recently, but it focuses on kids and teenagers. What we forget is that adults can be just a horrible bullies (and worse) as kids. I’ve personally witnessed people be crushed by how others have treated them for no reason.

I’m sick of the drama and sick of the crap. Do everyone a favor and stop worrying about what everyone else does and focus on how you can make things better. That’s what I’m learning to do.

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ― Maya Angelou