Recharging Saturday

I find myself in a place I didn't expect to be this Saturday - on the couch in my apartment! The Lansing Jaycees golf outing was supposed to be today, however, it needs to be rescheduled because the storm was so crazy last night that it flooded some of the holes on the course.

So, my plan for the day turned into going back to bed until close to noon! Apparently, I needed a nap. Now I've just been taking it easy today and trying to figure out how to spend two days in a row without anywhere to be!

I still have unpacking to do, so I'm sure I'll get some of that done. Mostly, I'll decompress from this week and try to prepare for next week.

No thanks, you're not needed...

I have days every once in awhile when I feel like nobody would particularly miss me if I were gone - except my dog, because who would feed her?

I've been playing catch up at work from a crazy busy week, and my mind has been wandering to other things. Eric is in England until next Thursday, so we won't talk on the phone until he gets back. This, combined with him having been in Mexico for a week recently, just feels weird. I'm used to talking to him every day.

Then there are the friends that you want to help, but you're not sure how to. But that doesn't matter particularly, since they have plenty of others to help them, so, not missed there either.

I don't know if it's a product of really strange happenings in my life lately, or just strange coincidence. It's strange how certain events can really make you feel lonely and not needed...

Wearing Your Heart on Your Sleeve

For those of you who don't know, I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve. It's a safe bet that if I'm in a bad mood, you'll know about it. If I'm in a good mood, you'll also know it. For the most part, I've never seen it quite as a bad thing to let people know how I'm feeling.

With the new technology available today such as Twitter, Facebook and blogs, it's a wonder that not EVERYONE knows how I feel. I tend to update my Facebook status on a fairly regular basis. I use different things - what I'm thinking, how I'm feeling, song lyrics of the song on my iPod, or quotes. I tend to use it as more of an outlet to clear my brain sometimes, similar to my blog.

And because I use it as a way to clear my thoughts or get something off my chest, I never really think much about the ramifications of what I write. Everyone has bad days, and everyone has to have a way to deal with them right? But, how do negative comments look to others that look at your Facebook page or blog? How is it different than acting like you're in a bad mood?

I think for me, in some ways, being able to share what I'm feeling or thinking on a status update helps me cope with what's going on in my life. Especially when I don't quite have people that I can call up to vent about things...

More thoughts...

Today I've been thinking about friends again. Lots of questions have been swirling through my head, including whether it's worth it to be loyal to anyone, especially when there's always the chance to that person not having the same type of committment to a friendship as you do.

How do you know when to trust someone? How do you know when someone really, truly is a friend? When do you not have to worry about saying something wrong to someone you consider a friend? Why do I always feel like I'm screwing up with people that I want as friends?

Just a bunch of questions tonight...

Sunday nights

I find myself sitting here on a Sunday night, watching some more Smallville in an attempt to get caught up for when season 8 comes out on DVD in August. I'm in the middle of season 4 right now - for the second time. I had to rewatch seasons I'd already seen since it had been awhile.

But my mind keeps wandering. There's a lot going on for me this week, and I have a feeling that my work and personal lives are going to collide toward the end of the week. I don't do well on Mondays anyway, but this week it's going to be even tougher. I've got a lot of catching up to do at work from last week still, and there are some other things I am waiting to hear about.

I think it's going to be a long week that I'm very anxious to see how it pans out. However, I think that I'm going to be quite anxious throughout the entire week and hope I can be productive...

Blogs

I've come to the realization lately that I usually write blogs in order to get things off my mind, or clear my mind. They aren't necessarily mind blowing or thought provoking, but it's been a good place to vent frustrations or clear my mind.

I know I'm not the most coherent writer, but I write comes to my brain. I have lots of friends that are very good writers, and have a point to their blogs, but I'm just not one of those...

Friends

I know a lot of people - whether it's through work, the Jaycees, since high school, or other means. But, I honestly don't have a lot of friends. The few that I do have, I tend to be fiercely loyal to.

So today brings me to this thought: I feel horrible when I can't help one of my friends out. Especially when at times, they do so much for me. It puts me into a funk when I try to cheer someone up, but it doesn't work. I want to do everything in my power to help people.

I've learned many times though that even with being loyal to my friends, there are only a very few people that would help me out as I would help them. Which, is why I've determined I have very few good friends anymore. I know our circles get smaller as we get older, but I'm still trying to grapple with it.