Laying low

I’m tired.

I’m tired of the way people treat other people.

I’m tired of people talking about me even when I’m not there.

I’m tired of feeling scattered.

I’m tired of being tired.

Though I think I’m finally coming out of the fog (just a little…). Admittedly, I’ve become somewhat of a hermit this year compared to the last couple of years. I haven’t been putting as many miles on my car (though I did just get over putting 40,000 on it since I got it in November 2011). I’ve been sleeping a lot more. I’ve been running. In recent weeks, I’ve put an emphasis on finally getting my apartment organized and de-cluttered, while also finally picking up books that I hadn’t touched since January.

May and June were crazy, mostly because of my graduate class that had more reading than I could keep up with. I ran a 10K in May (about the only miles I ran that month), and kept up the slacker momentum in running even when my half marathon training started. I’m slowly getting back into my training and August will definitely be a test.

I’ve struggled with my energy. I’m hoping that the tide turns on this soon. I’m trying a lot of things to fix this, and I’m wondering if my doctor is starting to think I’m crazy (actually no, she just thinks I have a B12 deficiency and need to give myself shots).

Withdrawing has helped a bit. It’s not typically recommended when one deals with depression, but it’s also allowed me to focus on myself – cleaning/organizing my apartment, doing things I want to do, paying more attention to my dog in her older age and working on my graduate degree.

My healing has been progressing. Some days I find it easier not to talk to anyone for my own sake. Some days I’m chatty.

This time has also shown me that I am just not tolerant of people acting like jerks to other people. It’s shown me that the Golden Rule exists for a reason and when people don’t follow it (including myself), it sucks. Whether it’s dealing with someone in a store, at work, or in an organization, you don’t do anyone any favors, especially yourself, by treating them like crap.

Bullying seems to be a big issue recently, but it focuses on kids and teenagers. What we forget is that adults can be just a horrible bullies (and worse) as kids. I’ve personally witnessed people be crushed by how others have treated them for no reason.

I’m sick of the drama and sick of the crap. Do everyone a favor and stop worrying about what everyone else does and focus on how you can make things better. That’s what I’m learning to do.

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ― Maya Angelou

It's a baby - so what?

I am a self-proclaimed nerd (though I'm pretty sure my friends would back me up on that). Some of the news recently has irritated me, but I still try to read as much as I can.

Before I go into today's big news, here are some things to know about me:

- I love history (I have a shirt that says so)
- I am fascinated by the Kennedys (duh)
- I am fascinated by the British monarchy

Today, the big story was that Catherine, the Duchess of Cambridge had gone into labor. Subsequently, it was announced that she and Prince William were the new parents to a baby boy (and future king).

After the news was announced, I saw a lot of comments about people not caring, putting the energy elsewhere, etc. I get that the monarchy isn't what it used to be (especially in the days of Henry VIII!), but to me, it's a fascinating tradition.

Well, here's the thing. It's a piece of history. It's more important than Kim and Kanye picking a ludicrous name. It's more important than who Snooki is dating. At least, that's how I look at it.

I've also seen comments about how it's another kid that will live in a palace and be spoiled. But the interesting thing about Prince William and his brother Prince Harry is that they have done a LOT for charity and also both serve in the British military. Yes, they may live in palaces and have anything they want, but they have also shown a good side.

This isn't to say that everyone should care about the details, but people should understand the context and place in history of this child, who is third in line to the throne.

And anyway, it's a bit of a bright spot for me today.

So - congratulations to Prince William and Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge!

Blessings

As I was driving to DeWitt for my this morning, I was thinking about all the things that running has given me. Then my mind wandered a bit to things I've learned over the last year of life. I decided to put a list together of both. Sort of a look at realizations and learning over the last year.

Here is a list of things in no particular order:

1) I really like food.
2) I'm embracing my nerdiness (reading, comics, strategic planning, dogs, etc.).
3) I have finished a half marathon. I think I can do a full marathon eventually.
4) Even when you're not present, there's still a group of people that feel the need to constantly say negative things about you.
5) My cholesterol has returned to normal range.
6) I'm happy with my weight where it currently is.
7) I have accumulated an indescribable amount of stuff since I graduated college.
8) I can also get rid of said stuff, since I don't need it.
9) You can start over at any time.
10) I really like being a student.
11) I no longer identify with a particular political party. Yes, I lean waaaay left, but I am tired of the lack of common sense from both sides.
12) I miss yoga.
13) I need to take more time for myself.
14) I have many layers.
15) I really like to read and I've missed it.
16) Your friends will be there for you in times of need. This is the difference between friends and people that you know.
17) For me, it's not about the speed. It's about distance and endurance.

To Do Lists: Friend or Foe?

Over the last ten years (at least), I've used to do lists in some way, shape, or form. I've always kept myself organized (though it REALLY doesn't look like it sometimes), but my system is definitely my own.

I like crossing things off the list once I complete them. It has typically given me a sense of being productive. I've used paper, notebooks and, more recently, my iPad to organize my lists.

I've also been using to do lists to write down things when I remember I need to do something. Because if I don't write it down, I totally forget that I need to do it.

But what I have realized lately is that my to do list has been making me feel a bit cranky. Not because I have to actually do stuff, but because I have a tendency to put TOO MUCH on my list each day and when I can't cross everything off, it causes a slight feeling of failure. I just realized yesterday that this was a cause of feeling overwhelmed.

The other downfall is that I tend to put very big and broad items on my to do list, which can't possibly get done in one day. I fail to break it down into more manageable tasks (which is highly suggested) in order to feel productive.

I've been finding that my to do lists feel more like foe lately, even though I can't bring myself to stop making them. But what I really need to do is adjust the content and volume of my to do lists, breaking things down into manageable tasks.

Do you use a to do list? Do you find them to be overwhelming or helpful?

40x40 Part Deux

There was a request to see the nine items I've come up with so far...

1) Run a marathon
2) Get a passport (that's right, I don't have one)
3) Finish master's degree
4) Buy a house
5) See Paul McCartney in concert
6) Visit Europe
7) Payoff credit cards
8) Read "Midnight's Children" by Salman Rushdie (been on my shelf since I was 22)
9) Have my living space in order

40x40

As I sit down this morning, there are multiple topics that I could write a blog about: the Zimmerman verdict, Facebook or trusting people.

But while all of these things are swirling in my mind, I've been struggling with something that I decided to do a few weeks ago.

My friend Kari had posted about her 40x40. Basically, it's 40 things she wants to do before she turns 40. I decided that I was going to do one also, since I have about 7 years before I turn 40 (eek!) and of course, we're not getting any younger!

But as I've been working on putting a list together, I've been able to write down a total of NINE things. That's a far cry from 40.

The question is, why can't I get past nine? It makes me think I really need to sit down and put together a life plan or something. And maybe my life isn't particularly exciting if I can't figure out some things I want to do.

But on the flip side, maybe it just means that I have a lot of new things to experience and don't particularly know where to start.

So my question to you is "What is something you want to do during your lifetime?"

The Book Nerd

Sometimes, you are just going about a normal day, and you have an epiphany. Mine happened yesterday.

First, I have to apologize to my friend Dave. He had to experience the unpleasant part of listening to me chat his ear off about something he probably isn't particularly interested in.

This weekend has been about a few things: purging/reorganizing my apartment; getting back on my half marathon training plan; getting some rest since I have really not felt well since I basically wanted to do nothing but sleep the last few weeks (and hoping to find out more soon); and just plain doing what I wanted.

So, yesterday, I got a bit serious. I've been awful about running in the previous weeks and decided to make the trek to Kalamazoo to run with Dave on a trail I hadn't been to in Portage. Unfortunately, the run left me feeling like I have no business "being a runner". I was not ready for 3 miles in the humidity that we ended up with around 10am and had to stop in the last mile and walk most of it. The goal ended up being to just "move forward and get to the car".

After a quick trip to drop off stuff and a stop at Sonic to get a slushie (yay!), we ended up heading to lunch at Bilbo's (yay!). I don't know why I brought it up - I think I thought I saw a bookstore across the street - but I asked Dave if there were any small bookstores in the area. I actually had to go get cheese from The Cheese Lady to bring back to Lansing, and he said there was one and it was on the way.

We stopped at the Bookbug and I just got all excited. It reminded me a bit of Nicola's Books in Ann Arbor (where I used to spend a lot of time) and was just all kinds of fantastic. They had some of the special hardcover editions of some of the classics, including one of my childhood favorites, Anne of Green Gables. They also had a great selection of Out of Print t-shirts, which I clearly bought The Great Gatsby one (though, if they would have had the Nancy Drew one in my size, I would have gotten that too).

Anyway, the whole 40 minutes or so that we were there, plus the massive amount of reading I did on Thursday, got me talking about books. And how I used to sneak a book into the shopping cart at Meijer almost every time we went.

And it got me to the point of realizing that right now, I'm in the right place. The last few years have felt like I haven't quite been myself, as I've been so busy that I haven't had time to read as much as I used to, go to yoga on a regular basis and have just lost control of all the junk that I've accumulated in my little one bedroom apartment.

But now I'm making an effort to get back to these things AND incorporate school, work and running. I have the opportunity right now to be whatever I want to be.

It seems fitting that there was a box of pins on the counter at the Bookbug yesterday. The first one I picked up was one that said "Book Nerd" and I promptly bought it. Sometimes it just takes a little nudge to get back to the things that make you happy.