I was extremely discouraged when I was exhausted on Tuesday and couldn't seem that I could wake up at all. I guess abs class, yoga and stayed up until almost 3am will do that to you.
I had a great moment giving my presentation in my last class on Tuesday and getting a satisfying response from the professor and students. Oh, and all the possible points for the presentation too!
I dived when I was told it wasn't personal, except to me, it was.
(See below: You've Got Mail.
Joe Fox: It wasn't... personal.
Kathleen Kelly: What is that supposed to mean? I am so sick of that. All that means is that it wasn't personal to you. But it was personal to me. It's *personal* to a lot of people. And what's so wrong with being personal, anyway?
Joe Fox: Uh, nothing.
Kathleen Kelly: Whatever else anything is, it ought to begin by being personal.)
I had a great moment when I got my term paper back and received 100% on it. Wow, I really can do this school thing. I'm even a bit excited for next semester.
Good: I ran 4 miles on Wednesday. Not so good: I biffed it into the grass, wore bad pants that I had to keep hiking up and my phone died just after 4 so I didn't keep going (and by the way, my phone is turning out to be a piece of crap and the battery is doing weird stuff).
There's something to be said about having to walk away from something that you love when it's not exactly a choice you made. It feels like life shattered and you have to pick up the pieces and figure out what to do with them. Sometimes the answer is clear, and sometimes it's not because your heart just breaks because of the feeling of rejection.
Admittedly, I've been struggling with what's next. I've figured out some things to do, but they aren't necessarily reconciled with what I'm leaving behind...yet.
And despite that feeling today, I still feel gratitude. I went into Kroger for an errand to pick up one item, and was able to buy food to donate to SIREN in Eaton County. I was able to sponsor a new member for the Lansing Jaycees. I was able to purchase items to help 2 kids have some basic necessities. I was able to run almost 3 miles. I was able to see many of my friends today.
It's not an easy road, and there's no quick fix. I don't know quite where I'm going at this point, and I have to remind myself that's ok, even when it feels unsettling. The pain isn't going to go away quickly, but there are things that can help when I remember to think about them. Sometimes, you can feel discouraged and feeling a lot of gratitude at the same time, which seems odd.
But, it's ok and you keep putting one foot in front of the other in order to move on.
There's something to be said about having to walk away from something that you love when it's not exactly a choice you made. It feels like life shattered and you have to pick up the pieces and figure out what to do with them. Sometimes the answer is clear, and sometimes it's not because your heart just breaks because of the feeling of rejection.
Admittedly, I've been struggling with what's next. I've figured out some things to do, but they aren't necessarily reconciled with what I'm leaving behind...yet.
And despite that feeling today, I still feel gratitude. I went into Kroger for an errand to pick up one item, and was able to buy food to donate to SIREN in Eaton County. I was able to sponsor a new member for the Lansing Jaycees. I was able to purchase items to help 2 kids have some basic necessities. I was able to run almost 3 miles. I was able to see many of my friends today.
It's not an easy road, and there's no quick fix. I don't know quite where I'm going at this point, and I have to remind myself that's ok, even when it feels unsettling. The pain isn't going to go away quickly, but there are things that can help when I remember to think about them. Sometimes, you can feel discouraged and feeling a lot of gratitude at the same time, which seems odd.
But, it's ok and you keep putting one foot in front of the other in order to move on.
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