Taking risks and new journeys

"Never let the odds keep you from doing what you know in your heart you were meant to do." - H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

The month of October has been challenging. It's been surreal in a lot of ways, especially the first couple of weeks. Recently, I've felt like I've been emerging from a fog - there are things I don't necessarily remember because I felt numb.

I took a risk. Despite the odds, I did it. It didn't turn out how I wanted it to. It might be considered a failure. Actually, it was a failure. I lost. 

And I still haven't recovered from that blow. In some ways, I've been paralyzed. I've taken it personally in so many ways and it feels like I got hit from multiple directions. I'm not sure how to pick myself up. Except that's what I need to do - figure out the famous question from President Bartlet on the West Wing - "What's next?"

After a very dismal month of running in September (let's call this "the lost month", so aptly dubbed by my friend Laura), I turned to running as a coping mechanism. Granted, I still have not been able to get my butt out of bed in the mornings, but I've been fitting runs in and trying to get my schedule back on track.

As I've been trying to figure out "What's next?", I've been looking at some long range plans. And in a bit of a twist from my normal routes, I'm looking at things that will have me focus on me.

I've plotted out my Master of Public Administration degree program; I've made some financial plans; I've started blogging again and have started reading (for fun) again. I have some hairbrained plans for some projects for the upcoming year.

And now, I'm taking another risk - I signed up to run a half marathon (13.1 miles) with Team in Training in Washington, D.C.

Me? Run a half marathon? Hahahahahaha. That's funny. As my friend Dave says "that's driving distance!" I was happy to run 4 miles the other day. I made it to 4! Oh, and have I mentioned that I have NEVER been to Washington, D.C.?

But this opportunity is one I couldn't pass up. Not only will I do something for myself, I'll be able to do that while helping a great cause of helping fight cancer with the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society (LLS).

I can't do this without support though - both mental and monetary. And that scares the crap out of me that I won't be able to overcome one or both of these things. But, my goal is to finish the race and make it to my minimum fundraising commitment of $3200 by April 9.

As time goes on, there will be multiple opportunities to help fund this adventure and donate to LLS. You may get an email from me; you may see my page on Facebook; you may see a bake sale, magazine sale website and other fundraisers. I realize none of this is going to be easy, which is why I'm asking for all the help I can get.

In the meantime, my fundraising website is here: http://pages.teamintraining.org/mi/nikewhlf13/angelaclock#

I've been told that this experience will change my life. I've been told that it's an amazing group of people. I am so excited and cannot wait to find out where this takes me. 

I hope that you'll consider helping me get to the finish line.

Baseball, or something like that

As I just finished watching the end of the World Series (congrats to the San Francisco Giants), I couldn't help but empathize with the Detroit Tigers. Now, I don't know a lot about baseball, but I do know a lot about losing.

This was a team that people wrote off late in the season. People were asking for Jim Leyland's head. And then, they made the playoffs. Then they were winning games. They were playing well. They made it to the World Series by sweeping the Yankees. And fans all over Michigan were pumped up.

Then the series against the Giants started. And it didn't go the Tigers' way.

That doesn't mean they didn't try. That doesn't mean that they didn't want to be there. They worked hard to get to that point. If they didn't, they wouldn't have been in the World Series in the first place.

Again, I don't know much about baseball, but I do know that sometimes, you just can't overcome the odds.

Yet, I see what's going on in my Facebook feed after the game. That guy that won the Triple Crown? He's now a disappointment and overrated. That team that worked hard and made it to the World Series? A failure.

All of these comments from the people that weren't out on that field. The people that don't know what it's like to be on that team, or have the weight of Detroit on their shoulders when they're up at bat. Yet I bet there's an entire team of Detroit Tigers that are being even harder on themselves right now.

Trust me - they are asking themselves why. They are each questioning whether one little thing they could have done differently would have made a difference. They are kicking themselves for every little mistake they made. They will beat themselves up for letting YOU, the fans, down. Everything the fans are saying, they'll hear that plus the voices in their heads.

Before you judge the team from your couch, remember that you (most likely) haven't been in the situation of being in the World Series.

It will take them awhile to recover from what could potentially be a devastating loss.

But, the Tigers will be back next year. They'll learn from this defeat. Regardless of the outcome, this team went further than people thought they would. Sometimes, a team just can't overcome the odds or they just catch all the bad breaks.

We should be proud of everything they accomplished this year and support them now and in the future seasons.

BELIEVE.

A lesson from...Ann Coulter?

Not quite.

This morning, a friend of mine posted on Facebook "An Open Letter to Ann Coulter". Most of you may not know this, but I have read a couple of her books in the past. There are some things I've read that she makes sense on. But, more often than not, this woman just spews hatred.

Since I didn't watch much of the debate and I don't follow Ann on Twitter, I had totally missed her use of the R-word. But I am so glad that John Franklin Stephens didn't miss what she posted. In reading his letter, what jumped out at me was the following:

"Finally, I wondered if you meant to degrade him as someone who is likely to receive bad health care, live in low grade housing with very little income and still manages to see life as a wonderful gift."

And while I know he was talking about people with disabilities, it also struck me because I had just told a friend of mine this past week that I felt silly for tearing up every time I saw someone on the side of the road with a cardboard sign, looking for food or a job. I felt silly because most people would just ignore them and go about with their day, yet here I was thinking about what I could do to help them. Granted, I've always felt this way about the homeless people I've encountered.

You never know what people have gone through. They could be military veterans. They could have disabilities that hinder their ability to work. We are so quick to judge and degrade others, yet we have no idea what challenges and struggles they've gone through.

And despite those struggles, they still keep on keepin' on.

Is it that people are scared of what is different from themselves and what they know that they feel the need to degrade others? Is it that they don't care how they treat other people? Is it that they are so insecure of themselves they have to put others down to feel better?

I think it's all of these things. But personally, I wouldn't be able to sleep at night.

I hope you can sleep at night, Ann Coulter. Especially since you have a whole lot of people that will be fighting back against you, led by John Franklin Stephens.

“The best index to a person's character is how he treats people who can't do him any good, and how he treats people who can't fight back.” - Abigail Van Buren

Moving forward with priorities

“Perpetual devotion to what a man calls his business, is only to be sustained by perpetual neglect of many other things.” - Robert Louis Stevenson

This year has been a test in priorities and time for me. Between work, volunteer commitments, school and personal time, I've definitely been learning a lot about time management (or more how to apply the principles of it). 

Most of what I've learned this year is that I need to take more time for myself and think more about my health (as I eat pizza and drink Mountain Dew - I know, I'm working on it). I think we go through ebbs and flows - at different times in our lives, different things are priorities for us. Job duties change, family situations change. Our priorities can change in order to reach a longer term goal in our lives.

Sometimes when we go through a shift in priorities, there's a struggle. We feel guilty for focusing on ourselves. We worry we're not doing enough at work if we're not there 50 hours a week. Giving something up can be painful because it's something we used to love but just don't have time for anymore (oh, reading books for pleasure...this is for you). At times, we know what is best for us, but it's not necessarily what we want to do.

But at the end of the day, we are only good at what we do if we aren't burned out. We have to make choices - we can't do everything. Today, I made the choice to come home instead of go to yoga (though, both were excellent choices). This year I've made some big choices that will influence goals of mine in the future. And right now, my priorities are being realigned in order to best serve me. Because the best me is the one I want everyone to see.

Our own worst critic

I went to a yoga workshop today at Just B Yoga called "Yoga for Depression and Anxiety". It focused on breathing, movement and how to change your thoughts.

Something the instructor said has stuck with me. We need to be compassionate with ourselves. As human beings, we can be compassionate to other people, but we tend to be hard on ourselves. We expect a lot of people, and especially ourselves.

Think about it - if you and a friend went through the same exact experience, say, losing a job due to layoffs - what would you say to her and what would you say to yourself?

Most likely, you would be encouraging and supportive of your friend. And while you may be that way to yourself, you may also throw in the thoughts of failure and what did you do wrong. Even things that are out of our control, we find ourselves berating ourselves and putting ourselves down.

Why can't you be as supportive of you as you would be of your friend?

Today, I'm struggling with this. As I watch all these amazing runners who finished a half marathon or a marathon, it's so awesome! What did I do today? I ran a 5K. In some ways I feel like I should be doing longer distances or posting faster times. I'm used to being good at things. But running isn't coming easy to me and I really have to make a conscious decision to tell myself that's ok and I will get there someday But there's still that voice inside my head that doesn't think I'm doing good enough.

Same with my yoga class from last week - here I thought I was going to go to class on Monday and Wednesday and be a little sore, but still be able to do both. I could barely lift my arms by Wednesday and had to modify my plan. And now that I'm not necessarily in pain, I'm disappointed in myself for not going the second day last week.

I'm told that I'm pretty awesome. But I don't always believe it. What comes next is working on seeing myself the way that others see me and being more compassionate to myself. And while this isn't going to be easy, it'll be better in the long run.

“When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you.” - African Proverb

On rejection

Recently, I've been dealing with rejection in a few different forms, from a few different angles. It's never an easy situation, and clearly we all deal with it from time to time. And it got me thinking back to an instance from last year.

See, I was unemployed for the beginning of 2011. I had worked in the Senate for 5 years, my boss was term limited, and well, that's kind of the game. I applied for a lot of positions and interviewed for many, but nothing seemed to come together. It was rejection on a constant basis. There was one particular position I had interviewed for and thought I did well. The organization seemed to be one that I wanted to work for. It was respected in the area. They had a great mission.

And then I waited. And waited. I never got a call. Not even a "thanks for coming in to interview, but we've gone with someone else."

Now, I know that common courtesy has gone by the wayside because companies don't have the resources to make a quick 2 minute phone call or send a letter. But I can tell you that when you're job hunting, that cowardly type of rejection where you just don't contact the person is demoralizing.

When you are rejected, especially by people that you had some sort of respect for, it hurts. Rejection is never a good situation, but all too often we forget how to treat people with respect along with the rejection.

The good news is, I eventually learned they never filled the position. I also learned that it probably wasn't a company that I wanted to work for anyway. The turnover was high and the employees were unhappy. In hindsight, it wasn't a good fit for me. And luckily, a different opportunity presented itself shortly thereafter.

We are so quick to jump to conclusions about people that are unemployed and looking for work. "He isn't looking enough." "She needs to try harder." "Why don't you have a job yet?" And really, we don't understand, unless we've been there, how tough it can be to go through that process.

I'm not perfect. I've dealt with being the bearer of rejection before. I probably didn't do it right in some cases. But we should all work to not reject people in a demoralizing manner. We should work to be respectful and be constructive. In some ways, we have forgotten how to be decent human beings to each other.

Some book suggestions

I had mentioned in a blog post the other day that I had purchased a book to read. The one I purchased was Fall of Giants by Ken Follett. I'm a huge fan of his book The Pillars of the Earth and definitely need to re-read it soon.

In light of that, I am doing a post of books (not all-inclusive) that over the years, have stuck out to me as ones that I love, for one reason or another.

Please feel free to add more suggestions below. Enjoy!

- The Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett
- The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
- To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
- A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith
- Girl Sleuth: Nancy Drew and the Women Who Created Her by Melanie Rehak
- The Supergirls by Mike Madrid
- Cutting for Stone by Abraham Verghese
- The Hunger Games Trilogy by Suzanne Collins
- The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks by Rebecca Skloot
- The Help by Kathryn Stockett
- The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein
- The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo series by Stieg Larsson
- Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal by Christopher Moore
- Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
- The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupery
- Empire Falls by Richard Russo
- Choke by Chuck Palahniuk
- The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri
- The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay by Michael Chabon
- Sula by Toni Morrison