I had a bad day...

I had a bad day today. In fact, I've had several bad days in a row, where I've been somewhat paralyzed in being productive, I've not wanted to get out of bed, I've been reading homework and not comprehending it. I've been crying at the drop of a hat, eating horribly and missed a training run.

But, I had a thought tonight on my way home from class. It's something I've gone back to a couple times today.

I observed something interesting today while waiting for my friend Dave and his daughter for lunch (pie) at Grand Traverse Pie Company downtown.

I watched a gentleman bundled up in coat and a hat with a tassel on it. He had been sitting a couple of tables away from the one that I chose. He eventually got up, and walked out the door. About 5-10 minutes later, he returned back inside the restaurant.

He was there for a short time, and ventured out into the cold again. He returned once again and was still there when I left. I can only guess, but I would say that he didn't have any other place to go. The highest temperature I saw today on the Comerica Bank building was 7 degrees.

I'm home tonight, in my apartment with the heat on, eating my dinner. I keep thinking about where this gentleman might be right now, and I can only hope he's at one of the local shelters and able to be warm. It pains me to think that he (and others like him) may be out tonight in these low temperatures. I don't know his story and there are any number of reasons for his situation.

I had a bad day today. It's been a struggle the last few days. But it's nothing in comparison to the struggle this man and others like him are going through.

I'm a shadowboxer, baby...

This week, I'm fighting...with myself. I'm beating up on myself in quite a few ways, and probably have no reason to be doing so. Today has been a bit of a dark day, yet I'm trying to just push through so I can get to tomorrow.

But mostly, I'm fighting with myself about food. I drive home from work and want to stop - Taco Bell, Burger King, Reno's, Buffalo Wild Wings...they've all been trying to lure me with their deliciousness. This year, I'm trying to eat better and eat out less. Being on the road a lot, it's been far too easy for me in the last couple of years to just stop and pick something up for dinner.

So I find myself looking up a lot of restaurant nutrition and knowing what fits into what I should be eating. And it's not just about calories - there's cholesterol, sodium, protein and all that other fun stuff. And the portion sizes! I mean, really, this is all stuff that I knew and that we all know, but for some reason it's hitting me now.

However, on the flip side, I'm really trying not to get crazy like some people I've seen. I'm maybe trying to lose about 10 pounds and make sure I'm eating right for my half marathon training. It's all about baby steps for me - not losing 100 pounds in 3 months or some other not realistic time.

But, I'm still fighting. I almost stopped at Taco Bell on the way home from the gym tonight. I went to Reno's on Monday night to watch the football game and had a chicken fingers basket.

I like food. I like bad food. I am still drinking one 12 oz. Mountain Dew a day (this is down from my two 20 oz. bottles a day habit). I'm not perfect. I'll have a bad day. I'll give in to Taco Bell (I'm pretty sure this is going to happen in the ext three days). But in the process, I'll start eating better, feeling better and saving some money.

I hope.

6 miles and getting back into the swing of things

This first week of 2013 has been the time to ease back into the real world. Mostly because I only had a two day work week and school doesn't start until next week (though there will be reading done for class this weekend). I've done a bit of sleeping, a bit of running and a bit of cleaning (among other things).

In some ways, it seems silly that just a change in year means things can be so different, but in my case, I really feel like things are different. for me, 2012 was about change - changes I made, changes forced on me, changes in priorities, changes in how I viewed things. In all of that, 2012 left me feeling like one giant open wound.

One of those changes has been running. I found myself running a 6 mile race (my longest distance ever) on New Year's Day. It didn't matter that I finished last. I finished (and I think it helped that I was being followed by the police). The following day, once I began to come out of my daze, I realized that on January 1, 2012, I would have never predicted that I would be running 6 miles, partly up a hill and partly by Lake Michigan. Even as of the morning of the race, I didn't think I could do it. I spent the rest of the day (and part of the next) in a daze that it never quite felt like I actually did it.

I can't begin to think of what it will be like for my half marathon. All I can say is that some small part of the wound that was opened in 2012 healed on New Year's Day. I know the wound that continues to heal at this point will have the Band-Aid torn off again before long, but it will get better and there will be something to help it heal a little more.

There are more changes to come in 2013, including being more supportive and loving to myself. It's not an easy thing for me and I've always struggled with it. It's not going to change overnight, and I'm always looking for ways to help get me through it.

As things get busier with work, school and running/working out this semester, I know there will be less time to think about things. And that's ok, because I feel like I have a decent foundation to make these changes throughout the year.

And who knows what is to come? I mean, I ran my longest distance ever on the first day of the year. We'll just have to see what more is in store for this year and beyond.