2013 has to be better, right?

It's been no secret. 2012 has not been my favorite year, for a variety of reasons. There were some really good things that happened (job change, running, weight loss), but they were overshadowed by the downsides.

So, I am really looking forward to 2013. It's a chance for me to continue some things I've started, and also some new beginnings.

With that, I've been working on some plans, and also my resolutions for 2013. I've put some things into motion already, as you'll see below. A lot of them also play off of each other, which I'm hoping will make them all easier to achieve!

1) Get to 145 lbs. and stay there: Many of you know that I went through some unexpected weight loss toward the end of 2011 and kept it off when I started running. In the last month or so, I've gained back a few pounds (I'm at 151 now) and my jeans are getting a little tight. So, I'd like to get back to where I was.

2) Finish my first half marathon: I'm already signed up, I've raised over $1400 on my way to $3500, and started training at the end of November. I'm running a 6 mile race on Tuesday (really?), which will be my longest run to date. No time goal, just want to finish the race (April 28).

3) Run 600 miles: Strangely enough, I think this is doable, particularly because of my training schedule for the half marathon. We'll see.

4) Read 10 books (for fun): I really haven't read as much as I'd like in the last year. I just recently purchased an iPad mini, so this will hopefully be a little easier for me to do. With school, I kept the number of books fairly low (in the past I've done 25-50).

5) Pad my savings account: Right now, it consists of a whopping $200. And that's only because I started putting some away in November. I've been navigating my Virtual Wallet from PNC to help with this endeavor. However, some changes (like how much I spend on gas) will help with this.

6) Eat out less: Could help with putting more in my savings account. I bought a slow cooker (yes, I spent money to save money, what a novel concept) and hope to make more with that. I spend way too much money eating out and the calories are ridiculous. Even eating out one less time a week will help. I'm still in the process of trying to figure out exactly how much I've spent the last few months eating out. This is SO HARD for me though, being single and hating to cook.

7) 200 liquid calories per day, maximum: Ooof, this one is going to be tough. I love my Dew. But this allows me to have one per day, if I choose.

8) Payoff one credit card and significantly reduce another: I'm actually paying off two here this coming week, but this is in addition to that, since I've already had this plan in place for a few weeks. So, this is in addition to what I'm already planning on doing (and yes, I have a plan in place to get this done).

9) Get to 15 credit hours in my MPA program: I'm pretty sure this is doable. After this upcoming semester, I'll be at 9 credit hours. I may even exceed this. We'll see how the summer and fall go. My program requires 36 credit hours and then 3 credit hours for a project paper, for 39 total credit hours.

10) Clean and organize my apartment to be presentable: Don't come in here. Seriously. I really don't need someone to call Hoarders, since I'm already in the process of throwing tons of crap out. But in the meantime, it will look like a disaster zone as I go through everything and chuck it.

Some weeks will be better than others. I'm really going to try to be ok if I go out to eat more often one week, don't put away as much one pay period, miss a workout, etc. We're all human. And sometimes, a cupcake just calls and you have to blow your calories for the day. Some of these have a specific goal and some are long term changes where this is the first step.

Here's to 2013!!!

Pet people are weird, but it's who we are

I was going to write a post tonight about my New Year's Resolutions for 2013, but something has been stuck in my head all day and honestly, I need to get this out of my system.

Those of you who know me know that I have this amazing 8 year old pup named Dakota (a mutt, actually).

Being single and having lived alone for awhile, Dakota is like my kid. She is who I come home to and who I take care of. In return, she loves me unconditionally (probably just a little bit more when I have food) and keeps me warm in the winter. She has all those quirks that only her person would love (don't touch her feet!).

It makes me incredibly angry when others belittle how pet owners feel about their pets. Especially when we unexpectedly have to deal with the possibility of losing a member of the family. I know when the time comes, no matter how old she may be, I will be a wreck when Dakota leaves this life.

I guess only pet people might understand this. But our pets are a huge part of our family. Especially when they are all we have at times. They are living, breathing, have medical needs and psychological needs. They are an extension of us, just like our human family (and sometimes, even more so). 

I will never feel bad about how I treat my dog. She's listened to me complain, cry, laugh. She's dealt with me sleeping in, even when she's ready to get up. She's handled hours on end when I've been gone and she still loves me. I make sure she has food, water, treats, a warm place to sleep and lots of love. She has plenty of bones to chew and Greenies to look forward to. 

I don't know that I ever understood how much a part of my life she would be when I adopted her from the pound, but it's been worth every cent I've spent on her over the years. She is my family. 

Airing of the grievances!

Two blog posts in one day? I had forgotten earlier when I posted that today was Festivus (oops) and that I should probably do a post. Then I saw a couple of others air their grievances, and after my trip to Target earlier, I felt I should. While it won't be super entertaining, they're definitely some things that have been on my mind.

1) People that can't park: There's a couple of drivers in my building that can't seem to park their SUV/sedan/whatever they drive in between the lines. I constantly come home to having to park even further away because someone can't park. Or the walkway to the door is blocked because someone thought they should park over it. I also dealt with it at Target today, but not in the normal way (someone parking on the line). When I parked, there was a spot open next to mine. I drive a Saturn Aura, so it's a sedan. When I came back to my car after being in the store for about 30 minutes, I found another Saturn Aura in the spot next to me - parked across two spots, diagonally. WHAT?! Are you kidding me? Who does that?

2) That person who likes to hear themselves talk: I REALLY experienced this in class this past semester. While there were a few people that would tend to talk a lot, there were one or two students that just talked without having anything productive to add to the conversation (or kept talking once they stopped saying anything productive). I've also been in a number of meetings where this has occurred and of course, the result is the meeting goes too long, to the annoyance to everyone.

3) Dust and dog hair (and my hair too): Holy cow, how much of this have I had to clean around my apartment? Between me and my dog, I'm surprised either of us have any hair left, considering how much we both shed! And the amount of dust that accumulates is pretty crazy.

4) Incompetence: 'Nuff said.

I know there are more, but these are at the forefront of my mind. What are your grievances?

Starting all over...again.

2012 has been a year of starting over for me. Right now, before the end of the year, I find myself having to start over again.

I did my last training run on December 10. It was to run for 15 minutes. I did awesome on the treadmill and posted my fastest time ever.

Tuesday the 11th, I ended up having to skip my run and decided to do it on Wednesday. Except that when I woke up on Wednesday, I could barely walk because my back hurt so bad.

I've had this type of pain before and figured it would go away in a day or so and things would resume as normal. But, not so fast...

I could still barely walk on Thursday. Friday brought a bit less pain but still having trouble walking. I brought my heating pad to work on Thursday, and worked from home on Friday after a meeting so I could ice and heat my back when I wanted (the freezer at work doesn't work right, so keeping an ice pack there has proved problematic). I spent most of the weekend on the couch or at home, either icing/heating/stretching/moving around.

Sunday I woke up feeling much better. Monday was a bit worse, and Tuesday was a bit better. I didn't run at all until Tuesday, when I thought I could try a little bit. Having not run in a week, I had no idea what I was in for. I got on the treadmill and last 5 minutes.

Ugh. Are you serious? 5 minutes? I was actually doing 7 minute intervals before the pain and posting decent times (well, decent for me, still slow for lots of others).

Wednesday took me to the injury clinic at Playmakers, and the diagnosis is problems with my piriformis. Apparently, this muscle that's under the glutes is tight and causing pain across my back. I need to try to loosen it up, and that's not particularly easy.

So, I started over yesterday. I went on my first run yesterday. And man, was that rough. My lungs are protesting and I'm carrying around extra weight that packed on during the holidays (with no exercise to neutralize it). My back still has a small amount of pain, but I'm sure that'll go away once I can loosen up my piriformis.

During my run today (which is off schedule, but I want to try to get back up to where I was), I had a couple moments where I thought I was ridiculous for thinking I can run a half marathon when I can barely run 2 miles.

But, here I go again, starting my training over again this week before the new year.

Numbers, balance and all that jazz

I spent the weekend mostly around the house and resting because my back started hurting on Wednesday to the point of hardly being able to walk at times. I baked some cupcakes and cookies, cleaned some around the apartment, bought a foam roller (which has totally helped), read and spent time in bed/on the couch with an ice pack and heating pad.

But it got me thinking about how I've spent my time lately. And today, when I realized I've put over 26,000 miles on my car this year, it got me thinking how lazy I've been lately. And you know what? I'm ok with that. I can't maintain this incredible laziness, however it's been the culmination of multiple years of running around and being at everyone else's beck and call.

Here's why I'm ok with being as lazy as I've been (more sleep, less scheduled appointments): I know that come January 2, I'm back to work, school and half marathon training. I'm taking two classes next semester (only took one this past semester) and I know that's going to take a lot of my free time. So, for the time being, I'm happy lounging around reading for pleasure and cleaning my apartment (again, I swear I've thrown stuff out...).

But I've also been weighed down by some numbers I've seen, which is why I need to find a balance.

0 - the number of yoga classes I've been to in the last two weeks

5 - how many minutes I managed to squeak out on the treadmill tonight (man, that was depressing)

7 - the number of days it's been since I've run

150 - the number of pounds I'm trying to stay under through the holidays

Unknown - the number of cookies I've eaten in the last few weeks

I know that I need to start putting together a plan for after the holidays. And I need to get back into my training plan (and I felt like I was doing so well too!). I hope that my back will stop hurting completely soon (almost there) and I can get things moving again.

Eating My Feelings or Cupcakes are a Sometimes Food

I guess I should thank my friend Lauren for the phrase "eating my feelings". I had heard it before, but she reminded me of it recently, and I've used it quite a bit since then.

I made it my goal to "maintain" through the holidays. I don't think it's going so well.

I write this blog is because I'm struggling.

I'm struggling with my brain telling me "one cupcake will be ok". Or "go ahead and have another cookie". One turns into two...and before I know it, I've eaten 3 cookies.

I'm struggling with going out to lunch when normally, I could bring in a frozen meal, except that the freezer at work isn't really working.

I'm struggling with not being able to train this week because my back has decided to be in pain. So, no running since Monday.

I'm struggling with my feelings in general this holiday season. And this week has been one that has just been frustrating and has left me disappointed in a number of things.

All of these things lead to one thing - relying on food to feel better for a short time. OR - eating my feelings.

I end up getting into the situation I was in tonight - so exhausted and burned out that I didn't want to get out of my chair, let alone cook anything. So, I got out of my chair and went to Burger King. Crappy food and a second Whopper for 55 cents. Not so good for maintaining.

I can only hope that this struggle doesn't last much longer. I hope to use this weekend to recharge and nurse my back. I hope that next week is better. I hope that I can get things back in order again soon.

The Dark Side

This week has been a huge mental struggle for me. Despite a high point or two, they just haven't helped with my overall mentality. It's got me thinking.

At a meeting I went to tonight, they were talking about the goal of the organization being to help give young girls the tools make healthy decision and to avoid things like substance abuse, eating disorders and depression, among other things.

For me, I've gone through a personal struggle, dealing with bouts of depression for a number of years. In my upbringing, mental illness was something to be ashamed of and avoid talking about. It didn't exist.

But when I was at this meeting, I kept thinking "I never want any young girl to go through the struggles I've dealt with". Things that happened years ago still haunt me some days. The patterns I learned when I was younger are still with me today. It's a constant struggle to break the cycle I continue to go through.

Girls today deal with so many different things than what I dealt with growing up. I can't even imagine being a teenager nowadays. I don't think I could handle it.

Even though there has been progress, we still see a stigma regarding mental illness. No one lives a perfect life, regardless of the face they put on for the rest of the world to see. On a regular basis, I think about how I don't ever want other women to hate their body the way I do, constantly question themselves or not be able to pull themselves out of bed some days.

As we've started the holiday season, my struggle has become tougher. It'll require me to work extra hard mentally to overcome the urge to just go to sleep. I have to push myself to make sure I follow my running schedule (oops on tonight...my dog missed me). But I also have to know when to push myself and when to breathe and just relax. And I haven't quite found that balance yet.

Some days are better than others. Sometimes the weirdest little thing will cause me to be sad. Sometimes I won't even care. But at the end of the day, I put one foot in front of the other and keep trying to move forward.

 

Don't be so hard on yourself

"Don't be so hard on yourself." - Saying

I saw this magnet today when I was at the Hallmark store picking up a birthday card today. It's interesting timing, considering what I was thinking last night.

I found myself, yet again, saying sorry for saying how I felt at the time. This isn't a new thing for me - I do it quite frequently. As of late, I've been pretty hard on myself for feeling the way I do about what I consider to be a big change in my life.

I find myself always pointing out that I'm a slow runner (and it was reinforced yesterday when a 5K walker totally beat me). I find myself focusing on the flabby portion around my waist instead of the part of me I like. I find it hard to have a lazy day because I feel guilty that I'm not doing something productive. I find myself ALWAYS doubting my writing ability (blogs, papers, assignments).

All of this despite what others tell me.

We are harder on ourselves than others are on us. It just seems to be how things are. But we need to shift the focus of the things we're hard on ourselves about and make it about improving ourselves as people.

It's not going to happen overnight, but I'm going to work on not being so hard on myself.

Alone or with the masses?

I posted a question on Facebook last night - do you prefer to run by yourself or with a group?

I started wondering after my group run on Saturday how other people liked to run. I ran my 3 miles with my team coach on Saturday because I was the only runner that showed up that morning. I definitely run much slower than he does!

Personally, I like to run alone, because I'm completely embarrassed about my speed and hate to hold others back. I still feel like everyone is much faster than me. And that makes it hard to decide to join a new group of people I don't really know to run with them.

So, running with someone is always a bit unsettling to me. I feel like I can't ever keep up with the person I'm running with, and I hate feeling guilty for it.

I'm sure I'll get over it at some point and get used to talking while I run. And maybe at some point soon I'll run a mile without a walk break...

Discouragement and Gratitude

This was a week of extreme ups and downs. I had some personal defeats, some personal victories and a feeling of "why the heck did I even think I could do that?"

I was extremely discouraged when I was exhausted on Tuesday and couldn't seem that I could wake up at all. I guess abs class, yoga and stayed up until almost 3am will do that to you.

I had a great moment giving my presentation in my last class on Tuesday and getting a satisfying response from the professor and students. Oh, and all the possible points for the presentation too!

I dived when I was told it wasn't personal, except to me, it was. 
(See below: You've Got Mail. 
Joe Fox: It wasn't... personal. 
Kathleen Kelly: What is that supposed to mean? I am so sick of that. All that means is that it wasn't personal to you. But it was personal to me. It's *personal* to a lot of people. And what's so wrong with being personal, anyway? 
Joe Fox: Uh, nothing. 
Kathleen Kelly: Whatever else anything is, it ought to begin by being personal.)

I had a great moment when I got my term paper back and received 100% on it. Wow, I really can do this school thing. I'm even a bit excited for next semester.

Good: I ran 4 miles on Wednesday. Not so good: I biffed it into the grass, wore bad pants that I had to keep hiking up and my phone died just after 4 so I didn't keep going (and by the way, my phone is turning out to be a piece of crap and the battery is doing weird stuff).

There's something to be said about having to walk away from something that you love when it's not exactly a choice you made. It feels like life shattered and you have to pick up the pieces and figure out what to do with them. Sometimes the answer is clear, and sometimes it's not because your heart just breaks because of the feeling of rejection.

Admittedly, I've been struggling with what's next. I've figured out some things to do, but they aren't necessarily reconciled with what I'm leaving behind...yet.

And despite that feeling today, I still feel gratitude. I went into Kroger for an errand to pick up one item, and was able to buy food to donate to SIREN in Eaton County. I was able to sponsor a new member for the Lansing Jaycees. I was able to purchase items to help 2 kids have some basic necessities. I was able to run almost 3 miles. I was able to see many of my friends today.

It's not an easy road, and there's no quick fix. I don't know quite where I'm going at this point, and I have to remind myself that's ok, even when it feels unsettling. The pain isn't going to go away quickly, but there are things that can help when I remember to think about them. Sometimes, you can feel discouraged and feeling a lot of gratitude at the same time, which seems odd.

But, it's ok and you keep putting one foot in front of the other in order to move on.

The Running Playlist - I-Z

The other day, I posted the running playlist, from letters A-H. Today, we continue the musical fun with the remainder of the alphabet!

I Don't Need Anymore Friends: Collective Soul
I Gotta Feeling: Black Eyed Peas
I Want it All: Queen
Instant Karma!: John Lennon
It's My Life: No Doubt
It's Time: Imagine Dragons
Jump: Flo Rida
Just a Girl: No Doubt
Just Dance: Lady Gaga
Just Like Heaven: The Cure
Keep Your Eyes Open: Need to Breathe
Kickstart My Heart: Motley Crue
Kill Your Heroes: AWOLNation
Kings and Queens: 30 Seconds to Mars
Kiss Me Deadly: Lita Ford
Land of Confusion: Genesis
Lazy Eye: Silversun Pickups
Learn to Fly: Foo Fighters
Let Go: Frou Frou
Let it Rock: Kevin Rudolf
Live Like We're Dying: Kris Allen
Livin' on a Prayer: Bon Jovi
Locked Out of Heaven: Bruno Mars
The Long Way Around: Dixie Chicks
Lose Yourself: Eminem
Love and Memories: O.A.R.
Love is a Battlefield: Pat Benatar
Love Song for No One: John Mayer
Love the Way You Lie: Eminem
Lovestoned/I Think She Knows: Justin Timberlake
Machinehead: Bush
Make It Happen: Mariah Carey
Mama Said Knock You Out: LL Cool J
Motownphilly: Boyz II Men
Move Along; The All American Rejects
Mr. Know It All: Kelly Clarkson
Music: Madonna
My Curse: Killswitch Engage
Napoleon: Ani DiFranco
Neon: John Mayer
Never Again: Kelly Clarkson
No Light, No Light: Florence & the Machine
No Such Thing: John Mayer
No You Girls: Franz Ferdinand
Not Afraid: Eminem
Nothing Really Matters: Madonna
Numb:  Usher
The One That Got Away: Katy Perry
Only Girl (In the World): Rihanna
Pain: Jimmy Eat World
Payphone: Maroon 5
Poker Face: Lady Gaga
The Power of Goodbye: Madonna
The Pretender: Foo Fighters
Pretty Girl Rock: Keri Hilson
Pretty Vegas: INXS
Price Tag: Jessie J
Primal Scream: Motley Crue
Push It: Salt n Pepa
Radioactive: Kings of Leon
Raise Your Glass: P!nk
Ray of Light: Madonna
Rebel Rebel: David Bowie
Rebel Yell: Billy Idol
Remember the Name: Fort Minor
Renegades of Funk: Rage Against the Machine
Right as Rain: Adele
Right Now: Van Halen
Right Round: Flo Rida
Rock That Body: Black Eyed Peas
Rolling in the Deep: Adele
Rope: Foo Fighters
Rumour Has It: Adele
Runaway: Love and Theft
Scars: Papa Roach
Set Fire to the Rain: Adele
Sexyback: Justin Timberlake
Shake it Out: Florence & the Machine
Shattered: O.A. R.
Since U Been Gone: Kelly Clarkson
Sing: My Chemical Romance
So What: P!nk
Sober: Kelly Clarkson
Sometime Around Midnight: Airborne Toxic Event
Special: Garbage
Sunday Morning: No Doubt
Supermassive Black Hole: Muse
Sure Shot: Beastie Boys
Sweetness: Jimmy Eat World
Take it Off: The Donnas
Take Me Out: Franz Ferdinand
Telephone: Lady Gaga & Beyonce
These Days: Foo Fighters
Thunderstruck: AC/DC
Titanium: David Guetta feat. Sia
Torn: Natalie Imbruglia
Under Pressure: Queen and David Bowie
Unity: Shinedown
Uprising: Muse
Waking Up in Vegas: Katy Perry
Walk: Foo Fighters
War Song: O.A.R.
Warehouse: Dave Matthews Band
The Way You Move: Outkast
We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together: Taylor Swift
Welcome to the Fold: Filter
What Doesn't Kill You (Stronger): Kelly Clarkson
What Have I Done to Deserve This: Pet Shop Boys
What Would You Say: Dave Matthews Band
Whataya Want From Me: Adam Lambert
The Whole World: Outkast
Why Georgia: John Mayer
Why Pt. 2: Collective Soul
Wide Awake: Katy Perry
Wild Ones: Flo Rida
Wild Side: Motley Crue
Wonderwall: Oasis
You and I: Paper Route
You Can Do It: Ice Cube
You Get What You Give: New Radicals
You Shook Me All Night Long: AC/DC

It's just small stuff...or is it?

Last night, I ended up being in a foul mood. Even though I slept well and woke up to doggie kisses (go figure), it still lingered over to this morning. I felt useless, I was angry and was thinking I didn't have anything to offer.

And then, a friend of mine posted an article from today's Lansing State Journal about Thanksgiving dinner at Cristo Rey Community Center. While I played a small part and dropped off three pies that I bought, members of the Lansing Jaycees came together and helped provide 28 pies, 4 turkeys, 10 hams, macaroni & cheese for 50, green bean casserole for 50, 6 dozen rolls, 5 full turkey dinner kits with all the fixings, many servings of mashed potatoes and stuffing.

The article is here and if you're a sap like I am, you'll probably tear up.

The second thing, and a bit more trivial, is from yesterday's Turkeyman Trot in Lansing. I got up and wasn't particularly in the mood to run, but after dropping off pies, I went downtown and ran into some people I know. Then the race started.

I went with alternating running 7 minutes and walking 1 minute, which was what I did on Tuesday night. I actually stuck to it without any changes. I felt pretty decent throughout the race, and even pushed myself a little faster than I was comfortable with at times. The result? My personal best for a 5K (let's not kid ourselves, that's the ONLY race I've ever been in) at 34:05 (just less than 11 minutes/mile)!

Now, both of these things are small things. But, in order to try to pull myself out of what I was feeling last night/this morning, I've had to rely on them. To me, they're pretty big things. They're things that wipe out, in their own small way, the voices in my head telling me that I failed or have nothing to offer.

Some days, we have to rely on the small things. Whether it's a small achievement, going to a half an hour exercise class, putting 50 cents in the savings jar - there's nothing wrong with the small stuff. Many times the small stuff is the stepping stone to the bigger things in life.

The current running playlist - A though H

So, I found it a bit funny today when during the Turkeyman Trot, these two songs came up, right in a row:

- Rebel, Rebel: David Bowie
- Rebel Yell: Billy Idol

Of course, now I'm thinking there's a conspiracy of music by artists mentioned in The Wedding Singer  that was going on with my playlist today.

However, thinking about music during my drive today, I thought I would share what is currently on my phone for my running music. There are some patterns and some of it makes no sense. Some of it is awesome, some of it is embarrassing, but it's all mine!

Here we start, with songs A-H!

3's & 7's: Queens of the Stone Age
4 Minutes: Madonna
Airplanes: B.o.B. & Hayley Williams
All Fired Up: Pat Benatar
All I Ever Wanted: Kelly Clarkson
All You Did Was Save My Life: Our Lady Peace
Amazing: Madonna
Anna Sun: Walk the Moon
Ants Marching: Dave Matthews Band
Barracuda: Heart
Battle Scars: Lupe Fiasco & Guy Sebastian
Sabotage: Beastie Boys
Better Now: Collective Soul
Big Casino: Jimmy Eat World
Bigger Than My Body: John Mayer
Bleed It Out: Linkin Park
Blow Me (One Last Kiss): P!nk
B.O.B.: Outkast
The Boys of Summer: The Ataris
Brass Monkey: Beastie Boys
Breathe: Michelle Branch
Bring Me to Life: Evanescence
Burn It Down: Linkin Park
Called Out in the Dark: Snow Patrol
Canned Heat: Jamiroquai
Catch My Breath: Kelly Clarkson
Cheers (Drink to That): Rihanna
Click Click Boom: Saliva
Closer to the Edge: 30 Seconds to Mars
Cradle of Love: Billy Idol
Different People: No Doubt
The Distance: Cake
Don't Stop the Music: Rihanna
Don't Tell Me: Madonna
Dr. Feelgood: Motley Crue
Dreams: The Cranberries
Dreams: Van Halen
Electable (Give It Up): Jimmy Eat World
Everlong: Foo Fighters
Everybody Wants to Rule the World: Tears for Fears
Everything Zen: Bush
Extreme Ways: Moby
F*ck You: Cee-Lo Green
Face Down: Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
Falling Away from Me: Korn
The Fallout: O.A.R.
Fat Bottomed Girls: Queen
Fergalicious: Fergie
Fight for Your Right: Beastie Boys
Fighter: Christina Aguilera
The Fighter: Gym Class Heroes
Firework: Katy Perry
Float On: Modest Mouse
Freak on a Leash: Korn
Freedom 90: George Michael
Get By: Talib Kweli
Gotta Get Thru This: Daniel Beddingfield
Hall of Fame: The Script
Happy Now?: No Doubt
Hard: Rihanna
Harder to Breathe: Maroon 5
Hazy Shade of Winter: The Bangles
Heartbreaker: Pat Benatar
Heavy: Collective Soul
Here I Come:  The Roots
Here It Goes Again: OK Go
Hit Me with Your Best Shot: Pat Benatar
Hollaback Girl: Gwen Stefani
Home: Phillip Phillips
Hot N Cold: Katy Perry
How Far We've Come: Matchbox Twenty
Humpty Dance: Digital Underground
Hungry Like the Wolf: Duran Duran

There are 12 months in a year...

It's the holiday season, and I've noticed an uptick in the giving spirit. People are donating food, money, items for multiple reasons. We want people to have a good holiday season, we don't want kids to go without presents, we want to get the tax write off (though in Michigan, it's only the federal write off now).

But every year around this time, it still bothers me. It bothers me that in general, people don't give during the rest of the year. It bothers me that somehow, November and December seem to mean more to people than the rest of the year. It bothers me that people/causes in needs struggle at times during the other 10 months.

Now, don't get me wrong. I also tend to get in the giving spirit during the holidays. I think in some ways, it's what society has conditioned us to do.

But, cancer doesn't go away January-October. Neither does hunger or worrying about how you're going to pay your bills or take care of your family if you're just getting by.

The same goes for "Small Business Saturday". Small businesses don't stay in business because people go there one day a year - they need business all year round. I frequent many small businesses in Lansing and also suggest them to people 365 days a year, not just one day a year.

Before everyone gets caught up in the holidays this weekend, I challenge you all to think about what you will do in 2013 to support people, causes and businesses all year round. I challenge you to give to a charity or volunteer in your community at least once a month. I challenge you to do something kind each day. I challenge you to shop local on a weekly basis (which I know some of you do this daily).

We're always wondering how we can be better human beings. Here's a start. Take it through the holidays and into the new year. You'll make a difference, even if you don't see it.

When you least expect it...

Words to live by, for sure.

However, while I've been working on my final exam for my class and working on Team in Training stuff this weekend, my mind has wandered back in time.

To a time when my first two real boyfriends decided that the best way to break up with me was to just not return my calls and completely ignore me.

To a time when a guy I had a crush on in high school decided that it would be funny to play a prank on me and it crushed me.

To a time in college when a boyfriend told me that I should get my teeth fixed.

To all the times I haven't felt good enough.

I had to laugh the other night when someone said to me "I can't imagine you NOT being popular in high school". Which I found funny - because I was so NOT popular in high school. Or in a lot of other situations since then.

Most times, I have been able to put a lot of the things I've gone through out of my mind and move on. But for some reason, the last couple of days have brought them back to the surface, even though I know I deal with the aftermath every day in my general sense of self. It's an inner struggle some days.

The above words are something I've been working on for a long time - once I realized that deserve better than the crappy thinking that's been ingrained in my head from a young age.

It made me think of the song "Glitter in the Air" by P!nk this morning and the lyrics, "Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone? Your whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone..."

Here's to not waiting for the phone any longer and start being kickass.

Why do we fall?

This post-election Wednesday, I find myself going back to this quote that we hear a few times during The Dark Knight series (from Bruce's father and Alfred) - 

"Why do we fall? So that we can learn to pick ourselves up."

It's always been a quote that makes me think. It came up again about a month ago when a group of us were having a discussion about the motivational use of a different quote when this quote would have been more appropriate. Since then, it's been on my mind.

Which brings me back to today. In the aftermath of yesterday's conflicting events, this has been one of the only things I can think in my brain today. Mostly because a dear friend of mine lost a race that meant a lot to him. But I'm also seeing my challenges in the sentiment.

But what I want to add to this quote are two additional statements to add to why we fall:

1) To show others how to pick themselves up: These are the moments that we can choose how to pick ourselves up, and that sets an example for others when they fall. We have the opportunity to show our family, friends and others what our character looks like when we pick ourselves up.

2) That sometimes, it takes a little longer to pick ourselves up - and that's OK. Everyone handles things differently. After we fall, there can be obstacles - another fall, an injury, something that kicks you while you're down. But we need to be ok with how we pick ourselves up and how long it takes. And that means being ok with it, despite how quickly others think you should have picked yourself up.

So whether we trip and fall or take a major spill, there is a reason. If we never fell, we would have no idea how to overcome things. We may miss out on an opportunity.

Knowing this doesn't take away the pain, but it can give us some perspective when we can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. And when we pick ourselves up, we can end up heading down a new path we never thought we'd go down.

Taking risks and new journeys

"Never let the odds keep you from doing what you know in your heart you were meant to do." - H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

The month of October has been challenging. It's been surreal in a lot of ways, especially the first couple of weeks. Recently, I've felt like I've been emerging from a fog - there are things I don't necessarily remember because I felt numb.

I took a risk. Despite the odds, I did it. It didn't turn out how I wanted it to. It might be considered a failure. Actually, it was a failure. I lost. 

And I still haven't recovered from that blow. In some ways, I've been paralyzed. I've taken it personally in so many ways and it feels like I got hit from multiple directions. I'm not sure how to pick myself up. Except that's what I need to do - figure out the famous question from President Bartlet on the West Wing - "What's next?"

After a very dismal month of running in September (let's call this "the lost month", so aptly dubbed by my friend Laura), I turned to running as a coping mechanism. Granted, I still have not been able to get my butt out of bed in the mornings, but I've been fitting runs in and trying to get my schedule back on track.

As I've been trying to figure out "What's next?", I've been looking at some long range plans. And in a bit of a twist from my normal routes, I'm looking at things that will have me focus on me.

I've plotted out my Master of Public Administration degree program; I've made some financial plans; I've started blogging again and have started reading (for fun) again. I have some hairbrained plans for some projects for the upcoming year.

And now, I'm taking another risk - I signed up to run a half marathon (13.1 miles) with Team in Training in Washington, D.C.

Me? Run a half marathon? Hahahahahaha. That's funny. As my friend Dave says "that's driving distance!" I was happy to run 4 miles the other day. I made it to 4! Oh, and have I mentioned that I have NEVER been to Washington, D.C.?

But this opportunity is one I couldn't pass up. Not only will I do something for myself, I'll be able to do that while helping a great cause of helping fight cancer with the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society (LLS).

I can't do this without support though - both mental and monetary. And that scares the crap out of me that I won't be able to overcome one or both of these things. But, my goal is to finish the race and make it to my minimum fundraising commitment of $3200 by April 9.

As time goes on, there will be multiple opportunities to help fund this adventure and donate to LLS. You may get an email from me; you may see my page on Facebook; you may see a bake sale, magazine sale website and other fundraisers. I realize none of this is going to be easy, which is why I'm asking for all the help I can get.

In the meantime, my fundraising website is here: http://pages.teamintraining.org/mi/nikewhlf13/angelaclock#

I've been told that this experience will change my life. I've been told that it's an amazing group of people. I am so excited and cannot wait to find out where this takes me. 

I hope that you'll consider helping me get to the finish line.

Baseball, or something like that

As I just finished watching the end of the World Series (congrats to the San Francisco Giants), I couldn't help but empathize with the Detroit Tigers. Now, I don't know a lot about baseball, but I do know a lot about losing.

This was a team that people wrote off late in the season. People were asking for Jim Leyland's head. And then, they made the playoffs. Then they were winning games. They were playing well. They made it to the World Series by sweeping the Yankees. And fans all over Michigan were pumped up.

Then the series against the Giants started. And it didn't go the Tigers' way.

That doesn't mean they didn't try. That doesn't mean that they didn't want to be there. They worked hard to get to that point. If they didn't, they wouldn't have been in the World Series in the first place.

Again, I don't know much about baseball, but I do know that sometimes, you just can't overcome the odds.

Yet, I see what's going on in my Facebook feed after the game. That guy that won the Triple Crown? He's now a disappointment and overrated. That team that worked hard and made it to the World Series? A failure.

All of these comments from the people that weren't out on that field. The people that don't know what it's like to be on that team, or have the weight of Detroit on their shoulders when they're up at bat. Yet I bet there's an entire team of Detroit Tigers that are being even harder on themselves right now.

Trust me - they are asking themselves why. They are each questioning whether one little thing they could have done differently would have made a difference. They are kicking themselves for every little mistake they made. They will beat themselves up for letting YOU, the fans, down. Everything the fans are saying, they'll hear that plus the voices in their heads.

Before you judge the team from your couch, remember that you (most likely) haven't been in the situation of being in the World Series.

It will take them awhile to recover from what could potentially be a devastating loss.

But, the Tigers will be back next year. They'll learn from this defeat. Regardless of the outcome, this team went further than people thought they would. Sometimes, a team just can't overcome the odds or they just catch all the bad breaks.

We should be proud of everything they accomplished this year and support them now and in the future seasons.

BELIEVE.

A lesson from...Ann Coulter?

Not quite.

This morning, a friend of mine posted on Facebook "An Open Letter to Ann Coulter". Most of you may not know this, but I have read a couple of her books in the past. There are some things I've read that she makes sense on. But, more often than not, this woman just spews hatred.

Since I didn't watch much of the debate and I don't follow Ann on Twitter, I had totally missed her use of the R-word. But I am so glad that John Franklin Stephens didn't miss what she posted. In reading his letter, what jumped out at me was the following:

"Finally, I wondered if you meant to degrade him as someone who is likely to receive bad health care, live in low grade housing with very little income and still manages to see life as a wonderful gift."

And while I know he was talking about people with disabilities, it also struck me because I had just told a friend of mine this past week that I felt silly for tearing up every time I saw someone on the side of the road with a cardboard sign, looking for food or a job. I felt silly because most people would just ignore them and go about with their day, yet here I was thinking about what I could do to help them. Granted, I've always felt this way about the homeless people I've encountered.

You never know what people have gone through. They could be military veterans. They could have disabilities that hinder their ability to work. We are so quick to judge and degrade others, yet we have no idea what challenges and struggles they've gone through.

And despite those struggles, they still keep on keepin' on.

Is it that people are scared of what is different from themselves and what they know that they feel the need to degrade others? Is it that they don't care how they treat other people? Is it that they are so insecure of themselves they have to put others down to feel better?

I think it's all of these things. But personally, I wouldn't be able to sleep at night.

I hope you can sleep at night, Ann Coulter. Especially since you have a whole lot of people that will be fighting back against you, led by John Franklin Stephens.

“The best index to a person's character is how he treats people who can't do him any good, and how he treats people who can't fight back.” - Abigail Van Buren

Moving forward with priorities

“Perpetual devotion to what a man calls his business, is only to be sustained by perpetual neglect of many other things.” - Robert Louis Stevenson

This year has been a test in priorities and time for me. Between work, volunteer commitments, school and personal time, I've definitely been learning a lot about time management (or more how to apply the principles of it). 

Most of what I've learned this year is that I need to take more time for myself and think more about my health (as I eat pizza and drink Mountain Dew - I know, I'm working on it). I think we go through ebbs and flows - at different times in our lives, different things are priorities for us. Job duties change, family situations change. Our priorities can change in order to reach a longer term goal in our lives.

Sometimes when we go through a shift in priorities, there's a struggle. We feel guilty for focusing on ourselves. We worry we're not doing enough at work if we're not there 50 hours a week. Giving something up can be painful because it's something we used to love but just don't have time for anymore (oh, reading books for pleasure...this is for you). At times, we know what is best for us, but it's not necessarily what we want to do.

But at the end of the day, we are only good at what we do if we aren't burned out. We have to make choices - we can't do everything. Today, I made the choice to come home instead of go to yoga (though, both were excellent choices). This year I've made some big choices that will influence goals of mine in the future. And right now, my priorities are being realigned in order to best serve me. Because the best me is the one I want everyone to see.

Our own worst critic

I went to a yoga workshop today at Just B Yoga called "Yoga for Depression and Anxiety". It focused on breathing, movement and how to change your thoughts.

Something the instructor said has stuck with me. We need to be compassionate with ourselves. As human beings, we can be compassionate to other people, but we tend to be hard on ourselves. We expect a lot of people, and especially ourselves.

Think about it - if you and a friend went through the same exact experience, say, losing a job due to layoffs - what would you say to her and what would you say to yourself?

Most likely, you would be encouraging and supportive of your friend. And while you may be that way to yourself, you may also throw in the thoughts of failure and what did you do wrong. Even things that are out of our control, we find ourselves berating ourselves and putting ourselves down.

Why can't you be as supportive of you as you would be of your friend?

Today, I'm struggling with this. As I watch all these amazing runners who finished a half marathon or a marathon, it's so awesome! What did I do today? I ran a 5K. In some ways I feel like I should be doing longer distances or posting faster times. I'm used to being good at things. But running isn't coming easy to me and I really have to make a conscious decision to tell myself that's ok and I will get there someday But there's still that voice inside my head that doesn't think I'm doing good enough.

Same with my yoga class from last week - here I thought I was going to go to class on Monday and Wednesday and be a little sore, but still be able to do both. I could barely lift my arms by Wednesday and had to modify my plan. And now that I'm not necessarily in pain, I'm disappointed in myself for not going the second day last week.

I'm told that I'm pretty awesome. But I don't always believe it. What comes next is working on seeing myself the way that others see me and being more compassionate to myself. And while this isn't going to be easy, it'll be better in the long run.

“When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you.” - African Proverb

On rejection

Recently, I've been dealing with rejection in a few different forms, from a few different angles. It's never an easy situation, and clearly we all deal with it from time to time. And it got me thinking back to an instance from last year.

See, I was unemployed for the beginning of 2011. I had worked in the Senate for 5 years, my boss was term limited, and well, that's kind of the game. I applied for a lot of positions and interviewed for many, but nothing seemed to come together. It was rejection on a constant basis. There was one particular position I had interviewed for and thought I did well. The organization seemed to be one that I wanted to work for. It was respected in the area. They had a great mission.

And then I waited. And waited. I never got a call. Not even a "thanks for coming in to interview, but we've gone with someone else."

Now, I know that common courtesy has gone by the wayside because companies don't have the resources to make a quick 2 minute phone call or send a letter. But I can tell you that when you're job hunting, that cowardly type of rejection where you just don't contact the person is demoralizing.

When you are rejected, especially by people that you had some sort of respect for, it hurts. Rejection is never a good situation, but all too often we forget how to treat people with respect along with the rejection.

The good news is, I eventually learned they never filled the position. I also learned that it probably wasn't a company that I wanted to work for anyway. The turnover was high and the employees were unhappy. In hindsight, it wasn't a good fit for me. And luckily, a different opportunity presented itself shortly thereafter.

We are so quick to jump to conclusions about people that are unemployed and looking for work. "He isn't looking enough." "She needs to try harder." "Why don't you have a job yet?" And really, we don't understand, unless we've been there, how tough it can be to go through that process.

I'm not perfect. I've dealt with being the bearer of rejection before. I probably didn't do it right in some cases. But we should all work to not reject people in a demoralizing manner. We should work to be respectful and be constructive. In some ways, we have forgotten how to be decent human beings to each other.

Some book suggestions

I had mentioned in a blog post the other day that I had purchased a book to read. The one I purchased was Fall of Giants by Ken Follett. I'm a huge fan of his book The Pillars of the Earth and definitely need to re-read it soon.

In light of that, I am doing a post of books (not all-inclusive) that over the years, have stuck out to me as ones that I love, for one reason or another.

Please feel free to add more suggestions below. Enjoy!

- The Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett
- The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
- To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
- A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith
- Girl Sleuth: Nancy Drew and the Women Who Created Her by Melanie Rehak
- The Supergirls by Mike Madrid
- Cutting for Stone by Abraham Verghese
- The Hunger Games Trilogy by Suzanne Collins
- The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks by Rebecca Skloot
- The Help by Kathryn Stockett
- The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein
- The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo series by Stieg Larsson
- Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal by Christopher Moore
- Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
- The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupery
- Empire Falls by Richard Russo
- Choke by Chuck Palahniuk
- The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri
- The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay by Michael Chabon
- Sula by Toni Morrison

It's like riding a bicycle...

Tonight, I went to my first yoga class in almost a year. Of course, I was freaking out about it during the day because I was pretty sure I wouldn't make it through the entire thing without a break in child's pose.

I've done yoga on and off since about 2008 (as well as I can remember). More recently, I've been off. Part of me didn't want to go back because I know I'm not very good at it.

Yes, I know there's no "so and so is better than me" in yoga. It's not about what others are doing, but it's about you and your practice. I know all these things, and it's taken me years to be able to acknowledge that. Every once in awhile, I can even go to a class and think that and be ok.

I ended up buying a 10 class pass in order to get my butt back to a class. I found a Yoga for Runners class at Hilltop Yoga and decided to start there.

I had a hard time keeping up tonight. I stopped when I wanted. I cursed chaturanga (I have weak arms). All of this seemed oddly familiar...it was like riding a bicycle.

But there were a few different things. The one that stuck out most was getting used to poses with a different body. Since the last time I went to yoga, I've started running and lost almost 40 pounds. It's a bit strange working with a body that you're still not quite used to.

I was able to pick up the sequence. I knew what the words meant (even if I can't say them...it's kind of like French for me now). I cursed chaturanga (did I mention that already?). I knew when to chill for a minute and catch up in the sequence. I sweat just as much or more than before. It actually sort of felt like I hadn't left.

I have a feeling in the upcoming weeks, I'm definitely going to need more yoga to keep me going. I'm going to need to take the time to just quiet my mind. Even if it is just "don't fall over" or "yup, that one was a belly flop."

Sometimes, you just have to keep moving. Sometimes, you need your brain to not be focused on all the other crap, and just say "move" or "breathe". Sometimes, you need to be calm in order to deal with the next round of the fight.

Namaste.

GO BLUE!

Many of you know that I bleed Maize and Blue. Sometimes, that's a hard thing when you live in the Lansing area (where it seems like everyone is an MSU fan).

I had heard about this race in Ann Arbor that started recently that allowed participants to finish on the field at the Big House. Of course, before I started running, I thought "cool - that would be fun if I ran". But now that I'm running, I've decided that I want to do the race.

It's the Big House Big Heart race - you can find more info here. Registration for 2013 is not open yet, but I'm basically stalking the page so I can make sure I get a spot.

AND - I'm going to do the 10K. I'm really excited to get ready for this race and run through a campus and city that I love. And to get to finish the race where I graduated from college is something that will stick with me for years.

Luckily, I've got a few months to prepare! Here we go...HAIL TO THE VICTORS!

Free to be...me?

"To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting." - e.e. cummings

This is a quote I tend to use a lot, mostly because it reminds me that being me is quite alright. And lately, I've been realizing that "being me" is extremely complicated.

In a conversation at work the other day, my co-workers learned that I was a huge band geek and that I play the flute. A statement was made that I didn't seem like a flute player. Which is interesting, because I don't really see myself being anything else (I played saxophone a little bit, but wouldn't call myself a sax player).

In recent months, I haven't done much reading for fun. I used to read 25-30 books a year. And I realized the other day that I miss it a lot. I have an entire shelf of books in my apartment and I've maybe read half of them. I made a point to go out and buy a book in hopes to kickstart my reading habit again.

And then there are the parts of who I am that I'm not sure what to think yet. I posted a Facebook status update the other day that said "Runs, but is not a runner." and it ended up turning more into a Jeopardy question/riddle. But, I don't consider myself a runner, even though I've been running. Or am I runner? I ask myself the same question with yoga (which I haven't done for a long time, but plotting my comeback). I like yoga, but am I a yogi?

What most of us still need to learn (especially me) is that only we define who we are. Others may put labels on us; they may try to put square pegs in round holes; they may tell us we can or can't do something. 

We have the power to be ourselves. We have the power to do this, regardless of how others try to view us or categorize us. We need to be ourselves, despite what others think. There comes a point when we have to make the decision to define who we are.

For me, that day is today.

37

As I was on my way home from work today, I started doing some math. The answer to the simple subtraction problem that I did was 37.

At one point in the last two years, I had reached 175 pounds. I had started to try to work out after my mom had her heart attack in 2010. It never quite took hold and I didn't get in the habit. I kept going back and forth from being active to not being active.

Strangely enough, it took an unusual turn of events to put me on the path I am now. In late July 2011, I started losing my appetite. I started losing weight. I figured it would pass. But I finally went to the doctor in late September and after a full blood panel, I found out I had mono. AGAIN.

You see, I had mono back in college. I thought you couldn't get it again. I thought wrong. After a few more weeks, things started getting back to normal a bit. I slowly started to eat again but I wasn't quite gaining much weight back. But I wasn't losing any. Fast forward to March of this year...

Somehow, I decided to start running. This is pretty shocking, since my idea of "running the mile" in high school was to walk the entire thing because I had to finish to get a passing grade in gym. I was slow. I AM slow.

Since I started in March, I've been on a roller coaster. I've lost more weight, I've run faster, I've run longer. I've run slower and shorter distances. I've gone out for only a 1.5 mile run; I've done a 5 mile run. I run, but I'm not a runner. I ran my first 5K in June and have run about 5-6 more since then.

So that brings me back to 37. Today, I'm at 138 pounds (give or take, depending on how much I ate). In a lot of ways, I'm still surprised. Surprised that this whole thing was kickstarted by being sick. Surprised that I even began running. Surprised that I've actually liked and stuck with running. Surprised that I look and feel so different.

Sometimes, I don't know quite how to feel about it. It can change at any time. But today, the number is 37.

Life's a Journey...Enjoy the Ride

As I was thinking about what to write - all I could think about was "a journey". Then the phrase "Life's a Journey...Enjoy the Ride" popped into my head. It was the theme of the 1997 Sailor Pride Day in high school. Funny, I still have the t-shirt.

But as I think about where I've been in the last week, the last month, the last year and beyond that, that statement is dead on. Sometimes the journey takes you back to the beginning, sometimes it takes you farther than you ever imagined you'd go. It takes you places that are familiar and places that you feel uncomfortable in. Life also gives you the opportunity to feel great, happy feelings; but it also gives you feelings you don't know what to do with or that make you uncomfortable.

As I work on my goals and my life, I know there will be challenges. But I've also learned that through the tough times, there are the people that are closest to you that keep you sane. I'm not alone in the journey that I'm taking now, but sometimes it's hard to remember that.

Sometimes, we choose the direction we go; sometimes, it's chosen for us. Either way, the journey presents some bumpy roads at times. But we'll never know what greatness or happiness feels like if we don't experience failure or sadness.

From a blog posted on Facebook yesterday, 50 Lessons I Wish I Had Learned Earlier...

#13 - You have to fight through some bad days to earn the best days of your life.

Rebuilding

As I ran a 5K yesterday after not having run for two weeks, I realized a couple of things:

1) I'm still trying to get used to running in colder weather. I like it, but it's just a different sensation in my breathing.

2) I need to run more than once every two weeks if I expect to run halfway decent.

3) Sometimes, you just need to start over.

So, while I don't have to start completely over (I can still run), I am going to dial things backwards in order to rebuild to where I was. I'll be going back on the Couch to 5K schedule in order to get back into a routine, and also to build my distance back up. I'm starting between 2-2.5 miles each run.

We'll see what happens...

Running, Traveling and Everything Else

And again, there's been a lapse in writing on the blog. But, I swear, I've been super busy and I HAVE been running!

I've run in two more 5K races since I last wrote - Ele's Race on July 22 and the Chemical Bank 5K on July 28. I was supposed to run in another race today, but it was cancelled, but I have one on the calendar for Saturday in Escanaba!

I've also run my two longest runs since then (thanks Shawn and Dave for getting me past the 4 mile mark - IN THE DARK!).

This past week, I was in Kansas City for a work conference, which took up most of my time there. However, I did manage to get two runs in during my time there, and holy cow, that city has hills! The hotel I stayed at had running maps, and both times, I tried to do the 3 mile run, but had to modify it (first time because I went the wrong way, second time because the hills were CRAZY). My feet were sore by Thursday though, with all the walking in dress shoes I was doing.

I'm going to try to do a 5 mile run on Tuesday this week...my goal is to do one by September 2. I also have about 28 miles left to hit 100 miles by September 1. I'm not sure I'll make it, but I'm gonna try!

Maybe one of these days, I'll end up doing a 10K...

Whoops - it's been awhile...

I realized a few days ago that I hadn't written on the blog for a bit. Life has been CRAZY since I last wrote and I've been trying to adjust to some new things.

1) I switched jobs. I was offered a great opportunity that I didn't feel I could pass up. Since the first 5K, I had to wrap up things at my previous position, start my new position, and I'm now in week 3, trying to get acclimated to the new job.

2) I've been traveling a lot - for work and for Jaycees. It's been fun, but I'm not so sure my car would agree. ;-)

3) I've been trying to readjust my schedule to get up in the morning (gasp!) and run. It's been so hot during the days that the best time to run is in the early morning. For those of you who know me, I have NEVER been a morning person and I love my sleep. So this has taken a little adjustment.

I did run another 5K on July 7 (temperature reported right after I finished was 85 degrees with a heat index of 90). I finished slower than my first 5K, but with the heat, that was to be expected. I also hadn't done much running up to that. I took a little time off after the first 5K, so had to get back into the habit.

In the next couple of weeks, I'm signed up for Ele's Race in Okemos on Sunday this week and the Chemical Bank 5K in Byron Center on July 28. I'm hoping the weather isn't too horribly hot for either of these! I have a couple more scheduled in August and September...

My next goals are to run a 4 mile run by the end of July and a 5 mile run by the end of August. In doing so, I'm hoping to increase my intervals (this morning I did 4 minutes running, 1 minute walking).

New reports on my running schedule coming soon (now that I'm getting back in the habit)!

There are awards?

An interesting thought came up in a conversation today.

In my 5K race on Saturday, I placed 662 out of 779 people. I was 51 out of 63 in my age division.

This got me to thinking...why do runners race?

I can't speak for all runners, but I can speak for myself (and we'll use the term 'runner' loosely here). I entered this race not to win the overall race or to win one of the three awards given in my age division. I entered this race to REACH A GOAL. I entered to cross it off my bucket list. I entered it as part of the overall goal to lose weight.

But most of all, I entered it to know that I could race a 5K.

So often, we hear that people only enter a competition to win. And when they don't win, they're disappointed.

Of course you're disappointed - you had no other reason to enter the race than to win. And when you come in 662 out of 779, you're going to be extremely disappointed. When you come in 4 out of 779, you'll be disappointed because you didn't receive a little trophy.

But if you enter the race to finish; if you enter it to reach a personal goal; if you enter it to take a step towards a bigger goal, then there is NO WAY you can be disappointed if you finish. And the best part? Even if you didn't finish, you still tried and made the effort. And I bet you learned something from it.

For all of you who don't think you can do something, or think that since you're not going to win, you're not going to play, I urge you to consider to think again. I told myself for years that I wasn't a runner and I finished my first 5K this past weekend.

Show the world what you're made of, and go out there and do it. Learn from it. And do it better the next time.

"No, maybe I can't win. Maybe the only thing I can do is just take everything he's got. But to beat me, he's going to have to kill me. And to kill me, he's gonna have to have the heart to stand in front of me. And to do that, he's got to be willing to die himself. I don't know if he's ready to do that. I don't know." - Rocky IV

The RACE!

So, I'm sure one of these days I'll come down off the high of having finished a 5K. I realize it's really not a big deal to most people, but it is a big deal to me.

If you'd told me a year ago that I'd have run a 5K this past weekend, I would have said you were nuts. I don't run for anything.

My goal was to finish the Kalamazoo Klassic in 40 minutes or less. My STRETCH goal was to finish in less than 38 minutes.

The result?

36:36 minutes!!!

Now, in the scheme of things, I was 662 out of 779 runners. But, I WASN'T LAST!!!!

I'm really excited about this, and I've already signed up for Ele's Race on July 22. I might try to find something else before then, but my schedule is a little bit crazy, so I may just have to keep up a regular training schedule and keep pushing forward.

The week before the 5K

So the week leading up to the 5K ended up being a little crazy between quite possibly pushing myself too much one day, work and just life in general!

On Saturday, June 9, I was scheduled to walk for two hours for the Lansing Jaycees at Relay for Life. It's not my favorite track, as it's a dirt track, but I put on my running shoes and decided to walk, even though I'd thought about running a little. I was scheduled to be in Kalamazoo again during the weekend for their Relay for Life, and I was also going to run the Kalamazoo Valley River Trail with Dave. In total, I ended up walking/running about 9.85 miles. Needless to say, I took Sunday off.

Here's a rundown of what happened during the week:

Saturday, June 9 (walking):

6.05 miles
1:49:34 minutes
490 calories
18:07 minutes/mile

Saturday, June 9 (run):

3.80 miles
49:17 minutes
450 calories
12:58 minutes/mile

Tuesday, June 12 (run):

2.56 miles
38:13 minutes
270 calories
14:54 minutes/mile

Wednesday, June 13 (run):

3.10 miles
38:17 minutes
381 calories
12:21 minutes/mile

I really took it easy during the week, and I think that paid off. Look for the 5K update in the next post!

Weeks 10-11 - Almost there

Not that I'm not going to still have work to do after I finish my first 5K next week, but I'm getting kind of nervous for the Kalamazoo Klassic. I'm just trying to accept that I'm going to be slow and that I'll be successful when I cross the finish line.

One of these days, I'll have something more profound to say. Right now, I'm getting ready to head to trivia (and hopefully our team will post a decent score).

Since the last post, I've run a total of 12 miles. Here's the breakdown:

Saturday, June 2 (run):

3.20 miles
40:54 minutes
358 calories
12:45 minutes/mile

Sunday, June 3 (run):

3.11 miles
37:59 minutes
346 calories
12:14 minutes/mile

Wednesday, June 6 (run) - this is an estimate since my GPS screwed up. Luckily, my running partner's worked.

2.59 miles
32:53 minutes
289 calories
12:41 minutes/mile

Thursday, June 7 (run):

3.13 miles
38:43 minutes
349 calories
12:21 minutes/mile

Week 10 - Closer to the 5K

Since the last update, I've done a pretty good job of staying on schedule. But it was HARD. The heat this past holiday weekend was debilitating and made it harder to run. However, here's the update.

Thursday, May 24 (run):

3.10 miles
38:53 minutes
348 calories
12:33 minutes/mile

Saturday, May 26 (ridiculously HUMID/HOT run):

2.90 miles
37:07 minutes
325 calories
12:48 minutes/mile

Sunday, May 27 (walk):

4.10 miles
1:00:47 minutes
458 calories (though, not accurate since I didn't change the settings on the phone)
14:49 minutes/mile

Monday, May 28 (run):

2.16 miles
26:51 minutes
242 calories
12:24 minutes/mile

I've noticed that the first couple miles are fine, but anything after 2 starts to get slower. Obviously, endurance is an issue, but I know that will come with time in order to be able to do longer runs.

My goal with the 5K is to finish in 40 minutes or less. I think it's doable, but also don't want to push myself too hard as I build up to this.

Getting Through - Week 9

Apparently, I'm now in Week 9 and just can't count. I blame it on the week that I took off at the beginning of May.

After taking the entire weekend off and losing my motivation, I endured enormous peer pressure yesterday and have decided to do my first 5K - in 3 weeks. June 16, Kalamazoo Klassic. I do not harbor ill will towards those that encouraged (making) me to do it. But I figured if it got me to see my friend Shawn herd us to the finish line, why not?

I have no delusions that I will run the entire thing. In fact, I'll probably run only about 50-60% of it. But, I'll finish. I know I can do that!

Meanwhile, in an effort to get my friend Dave (over at http://dqworthams.wordpress.com/) back on track with his Couch to 5K (and encourage him to run the Kalamazoo Klassic), we went for a run on the Lansing River Trail. This is the first time I've actually run with someone, so it was a little odd for me. But, I could still talk while doing so, so that's good!

While it was a little slower pace than what I left off with last week, it was still fairly good. It's been pretty humid and hot out over the past week and since I hadn't been out in a week, I'd say it was a success. Plus, Dave had his best pace so far!

Wednesday, May 23:

4.08 miles
56:41 minutes
458 calories
13:53 minutes/mile

I'll be out again tonight. Then taking Friday off and planning on going Saturday, Sunday and Monday. I've really got to try to keep to the 4 times a week schedule leading up to the race!

Motivation - Week 8

So, I started a more regular schedule last week. I had looked at my past outings and saw the pattern that I had improved from 15 minutes/mile at the beginning to somewhere between 13-14 minutes/mile recently. I decided to make a new short term goal to get to between 12-13 minutes/mile. I was actually able to get there the two times I ran last week. Mostly because I upped the amount I was running. I'll try to keep this up for a bit, then lower my time goal again.

Then the end of the week just got to me. I've lost my motivation - not just for going out to run but for some other things too. This isn't a good time for it either, as I have some deadlines to meet both personally and professionally in the next couple of weeks. I skipped my run on Saturday because I was gone most of the day. I skipped my walk on Sunday because my body was really sore and once I sat down from getting home from face painting at the East Lansing Art Festival, I couldn't talk myself into getting up again. Plus, I had laundry to do.

I'm really looking forward to this coming 3-day weekend. I have nowhere I'm planning to be except home. I have grandiose plans to work on paperwork, clean my apartment and make sure I run and walk. The main goal is to give myself a break (sort of a mini-vacation), since I haven't taken a long period of time off (unless you count that mono thing in the fall) in quite awhile. I'm also hoping to sit down and figure out when I may be able to take another longer weekend over the summer. I'm starting to think that lack of a break is having an effect on me and my motivation.

I just feel like there's something missing and I can't put my finger on it. I can see light in the future when I look ahead in about a month or so, but for the time being, it seems I'll just have to push through.

Recap time!

Sunday, May 13 (walk):

4.12 miles
55:35 minutes
327 calories
13:28 minutes/mile

Tuesday, May 15 (run):

2.08 miles
26:36 minutes
233 calories
12:47 minutes/mile

Wednesday, May 16 (run):

2.15 miles
26:43 minutes
241 calories
12:25 minutes/mile

Oops...Week 6 & 7

I had a lapse. I can use all the excuses I want to, but I really fell into the guise of "I have too much going on" and "I'm too tired" between Monday, April 30 and Thursday, May 10. That covers most of week 6 and part of week 7.

However, the main thing is I started again on Thursday, and have now got two days (walking mostly) back under my belt. So, here they are:

Thursday, May 10:

2.09 miles

28:29 minutes

166 calories

13:37 minutes/mile

Saturday, May 12:

2.01 miles

26:10 minutes

159 calories

13:02 minutes/mile

The next goal is going to be to get into the 12-13 minute/mile range. I've noticed a pattern, and I think I can get there....

Week 5 and 6 - yes, I'm still going!

The good news is that I'm still walk/jogging. However, the last couple of weeks, my schedule has been a little messed up, so I've been going three times a week, instead of four. I'm hoping to get back to the normal schedule next week. However, results so far...

Wednesday, April 25:

2.25 miles
29:35 minutes
252 calories
13:10 minutes/mile

Saturday, April 28:

2.07 miles
26:36 minutes
232 calories
12:52 minutes/mile

Sunday, April 29 (walk day):

4.21 miles
1:01:32 minutes
334 calories
14:37 minutes/mile

Since I began, I've gone 47.1 miles and burned 4615 calories. And now, I try to get myself ready to run tonight.

Weeks 4 & 5 and the Bucket List

Well, let's look at the good news first...

- I've been out and running on Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday and today.

- I went to the doctor this week and she was very happy with my weight, which I reminded her that it was helped by mono, but it's stayed off (151.6; it was a high of 178 in 2010) and blood pressure (which has traditionally been good), and it turns out that when I started this Couch to 5K thing, I most likely had bronchitis. Yup, that was brilliant on my part. Who knew? (Apparently, not me!)

- I can finish the distance of 5K without dying.

- I've been able to run for 8 minutes in a row.

- My life may be returning to some type of normalcy soon.

And the bad news...

- I ran a total of 8 minutes out of 57 minutes today. (Granted, it is a "walk" day on the Couch to 5K plan).

- I feel like work has taken over my life recently.

- Financially, I keep telling myself I just need to get through the month of May, and then things will be better.

- My apartment is an absolute mess (not that this is new, but I still have tons of stuff to go through and organize and get rid of).

- Life has felt a little out of balance recently...guess that means I should go back to yoga!

So, with everything going on, I decided that it's time for me to put together a Bucket List. And so far, I've been able to put things like "visit ...." or "Run and finish a 5K" but as I've thought of some things I've already done, I've been able to do some pretty cool things (Polar Plunge, speak in front of 400 people). Stay tuned for the Bucket List (which I'm sure I'll keep adding to)!

With all that, here's this week's progress - Week 4 going into Week 5!

Tuesday, April 17:

1.63 miles

21:30 minutes

152 calories

13:11 minutes/mile (I've changed how I view this on CardioTrainer)

Thursday, April 19:

3.20 miles

46:34 minutes

299 calories

14:33 minutes/mile

Saturday, April 21:

3.46 miles

45:58 minutes

457 calories

13:18 minutes/mile

Sunday, April 22:

4.12 miles

57:09 minutes

462 calories

13:53 minutes/mile

Since I started, I've burned 3,798 calories with the walk/jog and have gone 38.6 miles.