Where do we go from here?

I've been in the car a lot the last few days, taking a trip to Boston for some sightseeing. As we were driving back, it dawned on me that today was going to be the last day of 2013, and I might want to write something about the past year and what 2014 might hold.

2013 was pretty good. I did a lot of traveling, had more time for me, got halfway through my MPA program at Western. In the last half of the year, I returned to reading more and ran my second half marathon.

When I started the year, I was writing down things that I was doing and putting them in a bucket to pull out today. I wasn't THAT good at keeping up with it, and hope to be better in 2014. But, here's a highlight list!

1/1/13: Ran my first 6 mile run on New Year's Day. Big deal, despite being last!
1/27/13: Honored to be named co-Key Member for the 2012 with the Lansing Jaycees and also receiving the Spirit of the Jaycees award for the second time in my career.
2/1/13: Got my first pedicure. Maybe I should go do that again.
2/2/13: Ran my first 8K in Frankenmuth. I was able to reach 11:01 min/mile. Subsequently went to Zehnder's for the first time and ate waaaay too much!
3/9/13: I ran 10 miles for the first time ever.
4/6/13: I ran 13 miles for the first time ever.
4/28/13: I ran my first half marathon in Washington, D.C. This was also my first trip to D.C. Along with the half marathon, another highlight of this trip was being able to visit Arlington Cemetery and see the Kennedy gravesites.
5/17/13: I shaved my head for cancer. 12 inches of hair was donated to Children with Hair Loss.
6/6/13: I got to visit Seattle and Portland again! I was also able to get maple bacon donuts. :-)
6/12/13: Fleetwood Mac was awesome in concert!
6/15/13: I felt honored to be there when Carrie and Jason were engaged. :-)
7/2/13: One year work anniversary. I feel lucky to have the opportunity to learn on the job.
8/25/13: I went camping...and liked it?
8/26/13: I met Batman today! Adam West signed my Batman button.
9/2/13: I ran across the Mackinac Bridge. This was an amazing experience.
10/20/13: I ran my second half marathon - the Grand Rapids Half. I didn't do as well as I had hoped, but I received my first real bling!
11/19/13: I officially am halfway through my MPA degree program.
12/4 - 6/13: I was able to visit D.C. again for a work trip. During this time I was lucky enough to sit in the Supreme Court chambers and pay my respects to Nelson Mandela at the South African Embassy when he passed away.
12/17/13: I've been able to keep a 4.0 GPA in my grad program.
12/27 - 30/13: Visited the JFK Presidential Museum (2nd one on the Presidential Libraries list), walked the Freedom Trail, and did other various touristy things in Boston. Also visited 4 state capitals (Albany, Boston, Providence, Hartford) during the trip.

Which brings me to today, the last day of 2013. Somewhere in there, my trivia team won $1,500, I met some great new people, cut some negativity out of my life and continued to try to make a difference.

Today, I'm catching up on sleep, getting ready to run (walk) a 5K tomorrow (I've been horrible about running since the half in October) in order to jump start my training for the year, cleaning up, finishing a book. I'm also working on things to focus on in 2014, which will include:

Running - I plan on doing 3 half marathons this spring - March, April and May. Maybe one in June also.

Work - Always something new to learn!

Yoga - I need to go back, if not just to use the 5 classes I bought. But more because I need it.

Technology - I need less of this in my life.

School - I have two classes this spring, and then a semester off before going back full throttle again. I'm looking to keep up the GPA.

Jaycees - Local and state board. It'll be nice to be back and I'm thankful for people that are helping me return.

Reading - I need to make sure I make time to read for fun.

There are times that have been difficult in 2013. The best I can do is take what I've gotten from the good and the bad times and move forward into 2014. I hope that 2014 brings joy and success to you all.

Happy New Year!

Lazy makeup

I understand this may come as a shock to people, but I like makeup. I have quite a bit of it, especially eye shadow. The problem is, I'm lazy. When it comes to making the choice between sleeping 5 extra minutes and putting on makeup in the morning, sleep almost always (99.999% of the time) wins.

Most of the time, people see me without makeup, so it's a surprise when I do end up wearing it. It doesn't quite seem to go along with the rest of me: laid back, nerdy, etc. 

2013 was a lot about purging things in my life. That will continue into the new year, along with trying to be a little more put together. 2014 is coming up and because I've spent some money recently on some makeup I really like, one of my goals is to start wearing it on a more regular basis. 

So here's my ask to you all - do you have tips on getting it into my routine? Or ideas on how to blend eyeshadow shades (I have plenty of Urban Decay shadows). 

On decisions

I know some of you may be looking forward to a blog on emotional reciprocity, but here's what's coming out tonight. It may not make you happy, it may piss you off, but after this past week, I'm writing it down.

Typically, when I write about difficult situations, I don't identify the person involved by name. This can be for any number of reasons, but mostly because of the number of people I know who are acquaintances or friends of other people I know. I hate making people feel like they have to take a side, and I typically don't try to drag others into things. When I write, I tend to do it in order to get thoughts out and sort through things I'm thinking. It works most of the time.

In recent times, I spoke of someone with whom I had cut off communication. I know I probably should have done it better, including a direct message to the person. Over the last year or so, I've been trying to cut the negativity out of my life, and that includes people who have more negatives than positives (or at least that's what they show).

And what I understand is that I will be who I am and others will be who they are. At the end of the day, we decide who we want in our lives and who we do not want in our lives. We can also work to minimize our exposure to people who drain us emotionally, even when what they do has nothing to do with us.

So, I cut the string with Shawn. I did it by unfriending him on Facebook (it's odd how different things are in 2013). I should have probably called; I should have probably emailed. But I didn't. And what has come of that has become an interesting situation, in which I'm an ungrateful bitch (which I understand was the case even before), with possible narcissistic personality disorder, being immature and our mutual friends and acquaintances are horrible for not taking one side or the other. It's been constant name calling, even before I made this decision.

In other words, I feel as though I was justified in my decision, even though I didn't go about it in the correct way. The only thing we can do is learn from it and move on, hopefully to do things differently the next time.

But despite this, I'm still trying to figure out how to reconcile my decision with the view I hold that I'm generally a good person, despite what he says. Not everyone will be friends with everyone else, and that's ok.

Unfortunately, when one person views a relationship differently than the other, friction happens. Expectations differ from each side - one person gives and gives and gives, then expects the other person to do the same, even though that person isn't necessarily as invested in the relationship. As much as we may like someone and want them to be our friend, it's up to them to decide if that's what they want too.

So, the point? Do what's right for you. Don't waste your energy being negative about others; use your energy to do something good. That's what I've been trying to do this past year - but whether or not I've been successful remains to be seen in the future.

Enjoy your time off, rest and plan for the future. Happy Everything to you all.

What a week

This past week, I had the opportunity to go to Washington, D.C. again this year (squee!). This time, it was for a tobacco control meeting/conference for work (which was really very good). Over the three days I was there, I walked somewhere between 8-10 miles (I have a blister to prove it) and confirmed my love of the Metro.

The problem with short trips like this is that there's not a ton of time to see things in town, but I think I did pretty well this time around, considering the time constraints.

1) International Spy Museum: There's an exhibit of 50 years of Bond villains right now, which was pretty awesome. And of course, I picked up a spy themed t-shirt. They have a bunch of awesome spy gear from over the years. Oh, and THIS:

2) Supreme Court: I had thought ahead of time to contact my Senator and get a tour scheduled. Unfortunately, there were multiple problems with this (they sent the letter to the wrong address, I read the date wrong on the letter, the tour was scheduled for a time I couldn't go). I showed up on Wednesday when I thought my tour was and quickly realized that it was the wrong day. But, I was there in time for a courtroom lecture. And then, I realized that I was the ONLY one there for a courtroom lecture! I was able to enter and sit in the chamber (sorry, no photos allowed) and the docent was able to give me a one on one lecture and Q&A. It turned out great and if you have the opportunity to go for a tour or lecture, do it. I can't even describe how amazing it was to be in the same room where some amazing people have served.

3) Anchorman: The Exhibit: My visit coincided with a new exhibit at the Newseum, based on the movie Anchorman. There were props and costumes and even a news desk to take pictures! I missed Will Ferrell being there by a day (d'oh), but it was still fun! Of course, I got a t-shirt with various quotes on it (and pins and a scotch glass. Tee hee). BAXTER!!!!

4) Politics & Prose: A mile away from the Metro stop and I walked it in the rain. It seems that I should just pack an umbrella when I go to D.C., because I have bought one each time I've been there. What an amazing bookstore, and it was very cool to hear one of the clerks talking about the President's visit the previous weekend. I picked up a book (shocking, I know) that I was looking for and a t-shirt. I also visited Krammerbooks on Wednesday evening, but didn't make it back there again.

5) Nelson Mandela: A big coincidence, but Nelson Mandela passed away on Thursday, and since I was in town, I made the trek over to the South African Embassy to pay my respects. It was pretty amazing, since there is a statue of Mandela in front of the building. However, the building was under construction so there was a fence in front of the statue. People left flowers and notes in the fence, and TV crews were there to record. I would estimate there were about 25-30 people there when I was out.

I've concluded that I really need more time in D.C. because there are a lot of places I haven't been able to get to in my two visits there. But, I've had the opportunity to have some very unique experiences.

My travels are not over this month - I have another work trip to Cincinnati and then at the tail end of the year, a trip to Boston to be nerdy (let's be honest - I am nerdy EVERYWHERE) and visit the JFK Presidential Museum and Freedom Trail.

Yay!

The Holidays - A Double Edged Sword?

It's November. Each year, I typically have this dual feeling about going into the holiday season, and this year is similar, though the feeling is a bit different.

You see, growing up, family gatherings were fairly small. Including me, mom, dad and sometimes brother. The immediate family was never very close to any of the extended family, so Thanksgiving and Christmas were basically days I'd see family I pretty much saw all the time.

Family gatherings are still fairly small, and I tend to use the holiday season as time to recharge and spend some much needed time relaxing and doing fun things. I enjoy this time because I can catch up on reading, not worry about class, spend time with the dog, sleep, binge watch TV shows, etc.

But on the other hand, the holidays make me feel lonely. I like to call it the Bridget Jones syndrome. It's not that people go out of their way or try to make you feel bad because you're single, it just is. Luckily, I think my parents stopped asking about marriage/kids a long time ago. And while I enjoy being single, I have also found that I miss having someone other than my dog to come home to. Of course when I think of this, I do know that the person I come home to will have to be the right person.

So, I continue on in the path of life and handling things as they come along. I know that things will fall into place and that in many ways, they already have.

In the meantime, holiday season has commenced and it will include multiple viewings of Love Actually and Bridget Jones' Diary and a lot of catch up on movies, TV and books. Along with plenty of gatherings, I have no doubt. Oh, and I can't forget food!

Friendship is not a checklist

Work for a cause,
Not applause.
Live life to express,
Not to impress.
Don't strive to make your presence noticed,
Just make your absence felt.

This past weekend, some things have gone on that made me reassess some people in my life. It's hard. At this point, what I need are people that are positive. I was finding that there were some people that had great positive qualities, but the negatives just outweighed that, causing stress and drama all around.

So I finally cut the string. I refuse to feel guilty about it. It felt like nothing I ever did would be good enough for this person. It stressed me out.

Which got me to thinking about friends and the things we do for them. I've seen a couple of instances the last year or so in which a "friend" holds something over the head of another. And not just anything, but BIG things. And the last time I checked, friendship wasn't supposed to be a checklist. Yes, friends do things for their friends. There's no question about it. But it's not a game of who has marked more items off the checklist or "I did this for you so now you should worship me/do this for me/love me".

We do things for our friends because it's the right thing to do, NOT because we want brownie points. I encourage others not because I'm expecting a thank you or anything, but because someone was there to encourage me.

The minute we try to be a hero is the minute we end up not being one. It's the times you provide a comforting shoulder, let someone know you're thinking of them, have their back or just listen without expecting anything in return that make people heroes.

Over the past year I've learned that I need to live life on my own terms and forget what other people think I'm supposed to be doing. I strive to be the best ME that I can be, and I wholeheartedly recommend others do the same.

I challenge you to take a few minutes every day to do provide an act of kindness - to someone you know, someone you don't...it doesn't matter. Spread your positivity to others - it'll come back tenfold in the end.

I'm sorry, I'm not available right now...

Over the last week, I've found a disturbing pattern in my habits that I'm trying to correct.

I can be that person that freaks out if you don't get back to me right away (depending on who you are).

In the world we live in, technology is integrated into our lives more than ever before. Conversations consist of "oh, did you see on Facebook?" or "that text was so funny!"

We go out for a meal and one or many of the people are engaged with their phones. We answer work emails after hours and on weekends. We get mad when someone doesn't pick up the phone when we call because their phone should be on them at all times.

This insanity has to stop.

I love my iPhone and my iPad. I still "talk" on the phone in addition to texting and email. I hold myself to a rule that I will return someone's message within 24-72 hours (if I'm not on vacation, but really, when was the last time I actually took a vacation?).

My attention span has diminished and I fail to remember all the things I used to at times. My patience can be tried at times, but I'm learning to control it. I have no doubt that it's because technology can make us feel like we have to be connected to all things and people at all times.

So, I'm making a conscious decision to shut the phone off. Log out of Facebook. Read a book, watch a movie, hang out with friends and live in the moment. We miss so much when we're living in the online world.

My challenge to you is to figure out when and how you can unplug. Enjoy time without your phone or gadget. It'll be well worth it, and I bet you'll find that your life changes in small ways.

Breaking the Habit

Today is Monday. Yesterday was Sunday. I was supposed to be productive on both days, but only was for one. Sunday brought some exhaustion and an EARLY bedtime, starting around 6:30pm (and including about 12 hours of sleep).

But it seems that was needed, as I feel refreshed and productive today.

This week is about getting back in the habit (not like the Beer Bus or Sister Act 2). Since my birthday, I've fallen off the food wagon - BAD. I've been going out too much and eating way too much crap. So, I must bring my lunch to work, eat at home more often, and keep track of what I'm eating better. The money I save from eating at home will go to pay off the bills from Dakota's vet visits and my doctor's bills. 

Oh hey, you mean breaking bad habits will help me be a responsible adult? Well, if I have to...

Now that I'm not training for a half marathon, I need to make sure I have a plan for the gym and running. I pay for a Y membership, so I might as well use it. This will be easier once the weather starts getting crappy! And hopefully will help with erasing the effects of the crappy eating I've been doing on a daily basis.

It's also time to get back in the habit of cleaning out my apartment. I have another box of items ready to donate and more papers to shred. I have a small goal of cleaning the bathroom and cleaning off the coffee table this coming weekend.

With all of these things, I'm starting to do the following things (again):

- Color-coded to do list
- Making sure the calendar is updated
- Creating/paying more attention to the budget and payoff times
- Taking time OFF my computer/iPad/phone (i.e. Facebook, email), and trying NOT to be available every waking second of the day
- Making sure I take my vitamins
- Putting together a weekly menu, noting when I will not be home and have to go out
- I went grocery shopping! This means I have food at home and it's somewhat healthy!

How do you get back in the habit or break your bad habits?

Change in plans...

Yesterday, I ran my second half marathon at the Foster Swift Half Marathon in Grand Rapids. I started training for this race back in June, having decided to do it soon after I returned from Washington, D.C.

I did Team in Training again for this race, hoping to raise $5,000 this year for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society.

Updated total in 2013 as of today: $5244.44. Holy cow.

While this was a huge accomplishment and I'm so excited to have been able to raise this much, the weekend belonged to others who did their first races - Emma did her first 10K, which I was around for on Saturday morning; Dave did his first half marathon; and Nina, a survivor on the Team in Training team did her first half marathon.

All of these people pushed and went beyond their limits. Talk about inspiring others!

In thinking about pushing my limits, I was fairly certain that in the spring, I would be doing my first full marathon. But since the race yesterday, I've made a decision that I won't quite push that yet in 2014.

You see, I wasn't fully prepared for yesterday. My training hadn't quite gone the way I wanted and I've been sick over the last two weeks. I could feel it in my lungs starting in mile 8 and in mile 9 I started to feel pain in my hip that persisted the remainder of the course. I had a goal of finishing in 2:40 and I missed it (2:49:06) because I had to walk more in the second half.

Needless to say, I'm not particularly happy with my performance. I felt really good in the first 7 miles and felt like my pace would get me to my goal, then it just felt like I fell apart at the end.

So while I have it as an item on my 40 x 40 list, a marathon will not be in the cards for me in 2014. In some ways, I feel like it's a failure on my part, but I have to listen to my body. I think I need to get some more experience at the half level and be happy there before I move to a marathon. Making the jump in a bad place will lead to a poor performance.

I already signed up for the Winter Blast Half Marathon in Portage on March 2. It looks like the rest of the year will bring the Gazelle Girl Half in April, Bayshore Half in May, Lighthouse Half in early October, Mackinac Turtle Half in late October. Probably something else too...

While I'm sad about having to postpone a marathon, I'm looking at the bright side - getting better, bling and fun with my running family. After all, I haven't even been running for two years yet...

Manpower vs. Problem Solving - is there room for both?

This past weekend, we talked a lot about being manpower versus getting to the root of a problem and trying to solve it.

I'm a member of the Lansing Jaycees, which also makes me part of the Michigan Jaycees, US Jaycees, and Junior Chamber International. In the United States, organizations have been struggling due to many changing factors in society. Manpower versus solving problems has been a topic of discussion as of late.

Tonight as a Jaycee, I helped prepare dinner for families that are staying at the Ronald McDonald House. We haven't done this project in some time, and I was happy we decided to do it again.

You see - as much as I totally understand and agree that we must work to "combat HIV/AIDS, malaria and other diseases" (UN Millennium Development Goal #6), the fact of the matter is, until we do that, there are going to be families that need to stay near the hospital their children are in. They need compassionate people to take some time out of their day to help them make it through the day, week, month or even years.

So, I think that some of the smaller projects we do contribute to the bigger picture, and we shouldn't stop doing them all. Sometimes, they can be the gateway to bigger things for new members looking to get involved.

On the flip side, that same UN Millennium Goal is something that I've been working on for a number of years. You see, science is NOT my strong suit. So, I wouldn't be able to do the research needed to find a cure for cancer. However, research cannot be done without money, and I CAN raise money! I've participated in Relay for Life for the American Cancer Society and have raised over $5,000 this year for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society through Team in Training. Both of these organizations provide research dollars to fight cancer.

I think we need to do both. Just funding research is not going to take care of a family that is struggling with medical bills for their daughter. Just providing meals at a soup kitchen will not eradicate poverty and hunger (UN Millennium Development Goal #1). Not only do we need to address the larger picture, but we also need to show compassion and help people in need along the way to finding the cure for cancer.

This is the latest LLS commercial that I happened to see last night (and many other times) on TV. It gets me every time and reminds me of why I do the things I do in the Jaycees and in life.

Diary of a Super Slow Runner

I've written before about how I know I'm a slow runner, and I don't expect to get MUCH faster over time. In fact, I am actually becoming more comfortable where I am, though still working to get faster (with mixed results).

But at this point, I've been thinking more about my preferred running conditions - mostly in the realm of "run with a group or alone?"

It doesn't make sense, but I tend to push myself more when I run alone. I do run with my coaches for Team in Training, but I sort of feel like I end up going a bit slower. When I run with friends (who typically tend to be a bit (or a lot) faster than I am), I find myself feeling bad for slowing them down.

When I run in a race, I tend to shut out the other people around me and focus on my running. I'm a music runner - but I have also found out that I can run without music. Both ways allow me to focus on myself.

I realize that running with a friend or group has its benefits - I probably would've stayed in bed yesterday had I not been running with someone. But I end up feeling a pressure when running with others (usually one that I impose on myself) that somewhat hinders me.

It's odd - it sort of goes against all logic. But as a super slow runner who is trying to accept that I'm not going to be a 9 minute miler (and tends to be an overachiever), I think it makes me feel like a failure to be super slow. I'm getting better at dealing with where I am, and remind myself that I'm doing a lot more than many people do. I've pushed myself outside of my comfort zone (the couch) and had some great experiences doing so.

So, as I begin my taper this week for my half marathon, I remember that my goal is to beat my time in my D.C. race. I will run that race and do my best. And I will FINISH.

What a difference a year makes...

I'm officially 33 years old today.

The day has been pretty good, mostly because people took time out of their day to wish me well and I decided I was going to eat whatever I wanted to (really not any different than the last couple of weeks, but now I had an excuse).

But I found my mind wandering a bit, thinking about this time last year and what has happened since.

September 24, 2012: I had made a decision to let go of something very dear to me. It's funny what happens when you know it's going to happen, but you accept it. I was preparing to have my heart broken and lose something I loved. I lost my place and didn't know what else to do.

I had just started my master's program and at this point, I had run a few 5K races. I had been at my new job for about three whole months (!) and learning what the heck I'd gotten myself into.

Since then: This is going to turn into a list of things that have happened and that I've learned.

- I started training for my first half marathon (and ran it!).
- I found out who my real friends are.
- People will make things up about you no matter what you do. Be yourself.
- Karma exists.
- Being a student and working full-time takes a lot of work.
- I have saved money from driving less (well, not really).
- I made my first trip to Washington, D.C.
- I ran across the Mackinac Bridge.
- I started training for my second half marathon.
- I ran my first 10K.
- I did the Warrior Dash.
- I've been inspired by others' actions.
- I am a nerd at heart.
- I'm finally starting to feel comfortable with what I talk about at work (you know, like I've actually learned something).
- I'm still learning things at work and love my job.
- I've learned to let go.
- Some people can be pretty horrible human beings, but...
- That doesn't mean that all of them are - in fact, most people are good.

September 24, 2013:

As I start my 33rd year on Earth, I am happy to report that I'll be participating in my second half marathon and have raised about $4,700 for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society through Team in Training. I'll be halfway through my master's program by the end of this year. I'm still learning lots at work.

I understand that despite how other people act, I am in control of my feelings and actions. I realize that when things no longer serve me, that it's time to let them go. A level of stress is acceptable, but overwhelming stress isn't.

I am not perfect. I am not 100%. But over the last year, my journey has brought me to a place where I am glass half full and letting small things go. I feel happier without the stress of negative people in my life. I am happier being the full-fledged nerd that I am.

I had to fall hard emotionally to understand that other people do not determine my worth - I DO. It took dealing with those emotions to see that I'm meant to be a positive force no matter what I do.

Thank you to everyone for your well wishes today and for all of the amazing, positive, incredible friends and people that I am honored to know. You have more of an impact on me than you know.

I only hope to be able to return the favor sometime. Namaste.

I was wrong

Yup, I was wrong. Yesterday, after feeling attacked for being a Wolverine, I just got fed up. I wrote a letter to Lansing based on my experience, but in the end generalized MSU fans - the same thing that I was frustrated with about how some MSU fans/alums treat UM fans.

I was wrong. And the best that I can say is that I'm sorry.

There are no excuses. I screwed up.

I'm sorry.

Letter to Lansing

I find myself angry today. Short story, here's why.

I will repeat myself and say that I think this is a poor use of funds. The UM Athletic Department and President's Office will hear about it. I also find it a bit suspect that words showed up in East Lansing when it was apparently directed at SE Michigan.

With that, I do have a letter for the Greater Lansing area -

Dear Lansing,

I moved here eight years ago last month to take a job in our state capital. I've lived downtown, on the south side and in Delta Township. I've become involved in many causes and have worked to make this community better. I've found good friends, a good job and myself while I've been here.

I recently completed a list of 40 things to do by the time I turn 40 years old. On that list is to buy a house. When I put that on the list, I envisioned that the house would be in this area. 

But one thing has come to disturb me over time. You see, I bleed maize and blue. And because of that, there have been multiple times where I have felt targeted, uncomfortable and just plain not welcome.

It's been assumed that because I am a University of Michigan fan, I am any or all of the following: an arrogant clown, petty, a poor sport, a Walmart Wolverine, an asshole, evil, misguided, among a whole of other negatives. There are people that I know are joking and I get that. But there is an unsettling feeling that I get that no matter what I do, people in this area will still view me negatively.

I ask you to consider how you treat others. If this community wants to continue to grow and prosper, it needs to be welcoming to those that want to make a home here and be productive members of society, regardless of their school affiliation (and a WHOLE SLEW of other things).

It encourages me to see the positive out of the above story: $30,000+ donated to fight ovarian cancer and MSU alumni banding together. But I've also seen the negative out of it: poor use of funds for skywriting by UM and more name calling by MSU fans. 

I will bleed maize and blue until I die. Regardless of what school we went to (in Michigan, out of Michigan, private/public), we should all be working to make this area a better place to live, work and play. 

But it's up to MSU fans and those that live in the Greater Lansing area to determine if they will be a more welcoming community to those that might be different than they are.

Sincerely,
Angela M. Clock
University of Michigan BA '02
GO BLUE!

It's always a good time...

"We are put on this earth to have a good time. This makes other people feel good. And the cycle continues." - Wolfman Jack

In the last several weeks, things have been looking pretty good. Busy, but good. School has started again (only one class), I'm in the heaviest part of my half marathon training (and sticking to it for the most part) and the fiscal year is coming to a close at work (eek).

Now, that doesn't mean that crappy stuff hasn't happened. Like the dog and the larger than normal vet bills/allergen reducing purchases, getting dragged into drama and eating a bit too much (it could be argued this is good).

But in the midst of it all, I've found that in some way, there is always something that can make me feel better. I am finding that no matter how crappy I might feel, I can try to do something about it. Tonight, I've decided to make a list of some of those things that make me feel better and have helped me along the way.

In no particular order:

1) Dakota (she's so cute when she sleeps)
2) Sleep
3) Cheese
4) Books/bookstores/libraries
5) Singing
6) Wipeout
7) Ann Arbor
8) Michigan Football/Basketball/sports/anything
9) My work board
10) Running (once I finally get off my ass to go)
11) Random memories/sayings/dances of friends
12) Cards Against Humanity with a certain group of people
13) Trivia
14) Zoolander/Anchorman/Talladega Nights/Austin Powers (you know, silly movies)
15) George Clooney (why do you think I own Batman & Robin?)
16) LL Cool J
17) Wonder Woman
18) Mac and cheese
19) Sushi
20) Lake Michigan
21) Driving
22) Yoga
23) Katy Perry or Lady Gaga songs
24) Batman
25) Helping others/making a difference
26) The Beatles
27) Bacon/pork belly

Again, it's not an exhaustive list. I'm sure I could sit here all night and come up with items, but I have things to get done on my to do list. The point is to make yourself aware of the things that make you happy and DO THEM, especially when the chips are down. It makes the rough times a little more bearable and the good times even better.

(Sorry Carrie, I know it's Owl City, and you want to punch them, but I like this song.)

I bleed Maize and Blue

It's before 9am on a Sunday and I'm writing a blog. This is a bit unusual for me, since I'm typically not up at 8am on Sunday unless: 1) I'm scheduled to run or 2) I have someone I need to be. Neither of those things pertain today (though I do need to run at some point).

Anyway, my sleep was kind of crappy last night and I woke up early this morning to find a status update on Facebook that in some ways makes me giggle and in some ways just angers me.

So here I am, writing this blog. It's about sportsmanship and my beloved Michigan Wolverines.

Disclaimer (for those of you that will be quick to point out that I'm a "Walmart Wolverine" based on the school that shows up first on  my Facebook profile):

Oh wait, here's another disclaimer: I really only "dislike" two schools in the NCAA: Notre Dame and Ohio State. I cheer for MSU when they aren't playing Michigan and especially when they're playing either of the above two teams. 

Now that that's out of the way, here we go.

By my account, I have more than one Facebook friend that is an MSU fan. Many of them are quite congenial, but there are some that just insist that anyone who didn't go to UM and cheers for them is a "Walmart Wolverine".

I get it. There are people that just randomly pick a team to like and go with it. But guess what? That's their choice? If they choose to like MSU but didn't go there, are they a "Walmart Spartan"? No, because that's ok - fans are fans! Do you think EVERYONE in Spartan Stadium on Game Day went there? (This applies to other schools also.) I sure hope not!

By their definition, my dad, mom and brother would be considered Walmart Wolverines. Never mind that my dad had the dream to play college football at UM and that ended when his knee blew out late in his HS career. Never mind that a sister or daughter was the first in the family to graduate with a college degree from the school that she knew she was going to and worked her ass off to get into since birth.

By their definition, another friend who has a legacy in her family at UM, but chose to attend another school for her own reasons (she got into UM, FYI) is a Walmart Wolverine.

By their definition, yet another friend who applied to UM, got in, but hit a hurdle and couldn't afford to go there is a Walmart Wolverine.

Are there UM fans that are obnoxious? Sure. But there are plenty of obnoxious fans no matter which school you go to. And in my experience, I have seen some pretty rude and obnoxious MSU fans in my time in Lansing (which is going on 8 years or so).

So, for those of you that insist on always making comments about that "other in-state school", take some pride in your home team and cheer for them without tearing others down. When all the schools in Michigan do well, WE all do well.

I will ALWAYS bleed Maize and Blue. My team is my team and I love them regardless of their record. 

It's great to be a Michigan Wolverine!

I am a champion...

“And you’re gonna hear me roar…”

OK, I admit it. I own a lot of Katy Perry music. It’s like the one time someone asked me if I was a closet Journey fan, and I replied “there’s no closet about it!”

Though you’re probably wondering why I’m writing about Katy Perry. I bought two new songs the other day to add to my running playlist – “Roar” by Katy Perry and “Applause” by Lady Gaga. They've both been in my head recently.

When I had my really crappy run on Sunday, “Roar” came on at about the 6.5 mile mark. For some reason, it was the right song for the time, because I was heading down a hill and I actually had a good section of running. I was singing, but there wasn't anyone around to hear (thank goodness).

The song is relevant to me right now, similar to how “Wide Awake” was relevant for a good stretch of time at the end of last year and beginning of this year. Right now, I’m in the midst of what I might consider a re-emergence. I've laid low a lot of this year and focused on my running, school, my apartment and my dog. I've spent a lot less money on gas, and gotten rid of a TON of stuff.

But in recent weeks, I’ve started leaving my shell. Part of that is due to feeling much better after talking to my doctor and getting a good dose of vitamin B12 (yay, shots!) to solve my fatigue issues. Part of that is that I’ve missed the people that matter to me.

But I think most of it is that I’ve decided it’s time to be me and not worry about what other people think of me. Over the last year, I found out a lot about who my friends are and who just wants to cause trouble and perpetuate drama. My friends are the ones that deserve my time and attention, along with the causes that I care about. Between those things and running, school, etc., I don’t have time to deal with the negativity and bullshit that others seem to keep focusing on.

It might be that I turn 33 soon and have learned quite a bit on the journey here. It might be that I’ve figured out if people have nothing better to do than talk crap about me when I’m not even there, that’s their problem, not mine.

What I can control is what I do. And I’m going to enjoy my life, doing the things that I like to do, use the word “no” more and not let others define me.

"I’ve got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire, ‘cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar…”

Out of the comfort zone

"Do one thing every day that scares you." - Eleanor Roosevelt

I've been up since about 4:15 this morning. This seems odd, considering it's a day off and sleeping in seems like a good idea. But, I was here:

In the last 26 hours, I've been to the Upper Peninsula TWICE (that's more than normal for a year). In the last two weeks, I've been to Gaylord or north three times. Whew!

Last year, I heard there was a Bridge Run. It was too late by that time for me to try to get into it and so I decided to pay attention for he 2013 run. So, back in the spring, my friend Dave and I signed up for the lottery. They choose 500 runners from everyone who enters the lottery.

The good news: I was chosen. The bad news: Dave was not. And we found out while basically sitting across from each other. Once I got the email, I had a couple of weeks to accept the invite, and I kept waffling on it. I didn't want to go by myself. I felt bad that I made it. I didn't want to pay the entire hotel expense (ugh, holiday weekend + tourist town = super high rate).

In the end, I sucked it up, turned in my form and check and made a hotel reservation. After that, I didn't think much about it until this last week.

When I was coming back to the Lower Peninsula last week, I was scoping out the Bridge and it's incline. Oof. Since then, it's been a cause of anxiety for me. I was already worried about running the entire length of the Bridge (one of the rules was no stopping and must run the whole thing). I still run/walk. I was going to try to run as much as possible and hope I wasn't last.

I scoped out the incline again last night when I was coming back from St. Ignace and started to freak out again. Now, mind you, it wasn't the height of the bridge, or the water underneath (though I can't swim, so you'd think I might freak out about that).

This morning, we got on the buses and crossed the Bridge. It was slow, since there were high winds and lots of buses heading across. They dropped us off and we went into the runners area where there were two Port-a-Johns - for 382 runners. Did I mention it was about 58 degrees and high winds next to the water?

So, I got in line for the toilet like a good runner, and froze my butt off there, even with a long sleeve shirt and my capris on (so glad I went that route - almost wore shorts). Shortly after I was done (it was a bit warmer inside the bathroom), they started to get ready to send off the four wheelers that were participating. Just as we started to get ready to go, the Governor and Lt. Governor came over to greet us and help the runners get started.

See, the run is separate from the walk. This was the 10th year of the run, while the walk has been occurring since the 1950s. While the run had 382 runners, the walk had over 40,000 people. 

The wheelers went off, then the state employees, and I ended up being in one of the first three groups (this was important, because it would mean I most likely wouldn't be last). As we were waiting, I was talking to a gentleman and two women next to me. This was his third time participating, and it was the first for most of us. I happened to mention that I wasn't concerned about the Bridge itself, but was freaking out about the incline for the first 2.5 miles. I was then told not to worry about it and the adrenaline would get me through.

Holy crap, who knew? I had the MOST horrible run yesterday. I didn't even finish my entire training distance (9 miles). I could barely breathe and was just SLOW. I was really unhappy afterward and didn't expect much from today's run.

I was wrong. And that incline that I've been freaking out about? It doesn't really seem like you're on much of an incline (even though it looks that way as you approach it). And running the whole thing? Ha! I wasn't the only person out there not running the whole thing! I kept waiting for one of the National Guard soldiers to tell me to get moving when I would stop to take a picture. Luckily, the two women that were nearby me before we started were stopping and taking photos and we had a lot of fun with it.

One thing I also forgot to mention that was freaking me out a little - we weren't allowed to have headphones due to traffic still being on the Bridge. What? I need music! I can't run without it!

LIE. Because this was one of the prettiest runs ever, I had no need for music. I was enjoying the entire length of the Bridge. I saw the sunrise near the Island, saw the beautiful water and waves crashing, stopped on the grates and took photos over the water below and just awed at the fact that I was RUNNING ON THE BRIDGE. 

Why had I freaked out about this? It was so amazing. This is one of the coolest things I have ever done. And when I got done, I couldn't wait to do it again.

This was what I needed today. The view and awe of the fact I was doing something very few have done reminded me to have fun and enjoy the run.

Whether you walk or run, I highly suggest taking part in this Labor Day tradition in the future, if you haven't already. It's an amazingly well run event and I would have no doubt that the experience will stick with you forever.

Until then, here's a preview of the sunrise you may be lucky to see if you're willing to get out there before dawn in the future. Trust me, it's worth it.

You think we need one more?

So, earlier this week, I completed my 40 x 40 list. Or, 41 x 40.

Here it is! Stay tuned for progress...

1.       Run a marathon

2.       Get a passport

3.       Finish master’s degree

4.       Buy a house

5.       Visit Poland

6.       Pay off credit cards

7.       See Paul McCartney in concert

8.       Read “Midnight’s Children”

9.       Visit France

10.   Have living space in order

11.   Visit all presidential libraries

12.   Eat at the Knight Cap

13.   Visit England

14.   Take a do nothing vacation

15.   Visit all Big Ten football stadiums

16.   Scuba diving

17.   See a Broadway play

18.   Ride in a hot air balloon

19.   Sing karaoke at  a bar

20.   Run the Mackinac Bridge

21.   Have 6 months living expenses in savings

22.   Regularly practice yoga

23.   Read 52 books in one year

24.   Go to the Kentucky Derby

25.   Visit Graceland

26.   Learn to meditate

27.   Own a bulldog

28.   Eat sushi in Japan

29.   Take an Alaskan cruise

30.   Raise $10,000 for Team in Training

31.   Visit the DIA

32.   Tour the White House

33.   Go to Mardi Gras

34.   Buy a bike

35.   Learn to write grants

36.   Run the Detroit Half Marathon

37.   Learn to swim

38.   Buy a pair of Manolo Blahnik or Jimmy Choo shoes

39.   Put together my family tree

40.   Read the Bible

41.   Start a charity

A Gift

It's important to remember that each footstrike carries you forward, not backward. And every time you put on your running shoes you are different in some way than you were the day before. - John "The Penguin" Bingham

In the last few weeks, I’ve been working on a “40 things to do by the time I turn 40” list. I finally finished it, and one of the items on there was to raise $10,000 for Team in Training. Let me explain.

I’m trying to get myself back into my training for my half marathon in October. Since my first half, it’s been difficult for me to get back into the swing of things, mostly because school, work and illness have been contributing factors (especially that whole being exhausted thing). It’s been semi-successful – I’ve actually been going to training runs (good) and trying to get up in the morning but failing to do so (bad).

Today, I missed going in the morning, but brought my bag with me, determined to go during lunch time. I put the 2 miles on my training schedule on the treadmill, pushing myself a little bit by keeping the speed up.

And my mind wandered while I was out, prompting this post.

I thought about where I was a year ago, before I had even really heard of Team in Training. I thought back to the beginnings of a dark time for me in September that culminated into a very rough ending to 2012 and a rough beginning to 2013.

I found Team in Training after I’d been running for an entire 7 months or so. When I first talked to Vicki at the national office, I wasn’t sure it was something I wanted to do. We talked about options, which included the Nike Women’s Half in D.C. and the Paris Marathon (yes, that Paris). In the end, the fundraising felt a bit daunting, so I opted for the less expensive race in D.C., with hopes that I’ll one day do the Paris race.

At that point, I was excited and nervous. What the heck had I gotten myself into?

Over time, I ran lots of training miles, raised over $3,700 (minimum was $3,200) and completed a 13.1 mile race in Washington, D.C., where I had never been before. I ended up shaving my head because of a fundraising challenge and donating my hair to be made for wigs for children.

Whoa.

But that wasn’t what I was really thinking about. What drifted into my mind today is how much Team in Training has given me. It was my salvation when I felt cast out and needed to do SOMETHING. It’s a place I can go and feel safe regardless of how slow I am (still slow, that hasn’t changed). It’s given me my health back. It’s taught me that there are more important things in life than being accepted by people.

I received so much by putting in the miles on the pavement, getting up early in the freezing temperatures and dealing with aches and pains. I realize that I need this time for myself to de-stress. It’s given me confidence that I might be able to do a full marathon one of these days. These things got me through a very difficult time in my life and I will be forever grateful for all Team in Training has given me.

The journey has been incredible so far, and I look forward to participating in more races and more TNT events in order to raise $10,000.

Up to 30 x 40

No, I haven't made it to 40 things to do by the time I'm 40 years old. However, I have updated and gotten to 30! I'm still trying to veer away from trips and food things, but we'll see what the final 10 items bring!

1.       Run a marathon

2.       Get a passport

3.       Finish master’s degree

4.       Buy a house

5.       Visit Poland

6.       Pay off credit cards

7.       See Paul McCartney in concert

8.       Read “Midnight’s Children”

9.       Visit France

10.   Have living space in order

11.   Visit all presidential libraries

12.   Eat at the Knight Cap

13.   Visit England

14.   Take a do nothing vacation

15.   Visit all Big Ten football stadiums

16.   Scuba diving

17.   See a Broadway play

18.   Ride in a hot air balloon

19.   Sing karaoke at  a bar

20.   Run the Mackinac Bridge

21.   Have 6 months living expenses in savings

22.   Regularly practice yoga

23.   Read 52 books in one year

24.   Go to the Kentucky Derby

25.   Visit Graceland

26.   Learn to meditate

27.   Own a bulldog

28.   Eat sushi in Japan

29.   Take an Alaskan cruise

30.   Raise $10,000 for Team in Training

Weekend Runner

To the tune of the Phil Collins song "Easy Lover": She's a weekend runner...she laces up when she's not working...

I went out and did about 4.2 miles this morning. I won't even say that I ran them because it was slow. There are factors that I was thinking about while I was out and trying to figure out why my body just didn't seem like it wanted to be there.

First - I haven't run since last Saturday. This is a problem. Partly because of medical crap going on and not carving out the time for it. I'm horrible at getting up in the morning to go run.

The months of June and July are basically a wash for me. I didn't really train, and now I'm trying to get into my training. Next week I have a 6 mile run scheduled and it's freaking me out a bit. It will get done, but it won't be fast by any means.

Most of the last two months, I've basically felt like this:

This hasn't been very helpful during the week, when work and school have been draining me and I don't have the energy to do much else other than sit on the couch or go to bed when I get home. It's much easier on the weekends when running is one of the focal points of the day.

I've been at the doctor more times in the last two months than I'd like to be, trying to figure out what's been going on. It turns out that after having a B12 test, my levels are low (like, 349 when she wants me to be between 600-700). I started taking supplements, but apparently my system won't absorb it in pill form.

What does that mean?

I started giving myself shots on Tuesday. I don't mind them, actually. And the best part? It seems like they're actually working! My body doesn't feel completely exhausted just from getting out of bed and I don't feel the need to take a nap ALL DAY.

In the end, I hope this helps, and gets me back on track with my training - especially during the week, so I'm participating in the entire training!

Laying low

I’m tired.

I’m tired of the way people treat other people.

I’m tired of people talking about me even when I’m not there.

I’m tired of feeling scattered.

I’m tired of being tired.

Though I think I’m finally coming out of the fog (just a little…). Admittedly, I’ve become somewhat of a hermit this year compared to the last couple of years. I haven’t been putting as many miles on my car (though I did just get over putting 40,000 on it since I got it in November 2011). I’ve been sleeping a lot more. I’ve been running. In recent weeks, I’ve put an emphasis on finally getting my apartment organized and de-cluttered, while also finally picking up books that I hadn’t touched since January.

May and June were crazy, mostly because of my graduate class that had more reading than I could keep up with. I ran a 10K in May (about the only miles I ran that month), and kept up the slacker momentum in running even when my half marathon training started. I’m slowly getting back into my training and August will definitely be a test.

I’ve struggled with my energy. I’m hoping that the tide turns on this soon. I’m trying a lot of things to fix this, and I’m wondering if my doctor is starting to think I’m crazy (actually no, she just thinks I have a B12 deficiency and need to give myself shots).

Withdrawing has helped a bit. It’s not typically recommended when one deals with depression, but it’s also allowed me to focus on myself – cleaning/organizing my apartment, doing things I want to do, paying more attention to my dog in her older age and working on my graduate degree.

My healing has been progressing. Some days I find it easier not to talk to anyone for my own sake. Some days I’m chatty.

This time has also shown me that I am just not tolerant of people acting like jerks to other people. It’s shown me that the Golden Rule exists for a reason and when people don’t follow it (including myself), it sucks. Whether it’s dealing with someone in a store, at work, or in an organization, you don’t do anyone any favors, especially yourself, by treating them like crap.

Bullying seems to be a big issue recently, but it focuses on kids and teenagers. What we forget is that adults can be just a horrible bullies (and worse) as kids. I’ve personally witnessed people be crushed by how others have treated them for no reason.

I’m sick of the drama and sick of the crap. Do everyone a favor and stop worrying about what everyone else does and focus on how you can make things better. That’s what I’m learning to do.

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ― Maya Angelou

It's a baby - so what?

I am a self-proclaimed nerd (though I'm pretty sure my friends would back me up on that). Some of the news recently has irritated me, but I still try to read as much as I can.

Before I go into today's big news, here are some things to know about me:

- I love history (I have a shirt that says so)
- I am fascinated by the Kennedys (duh)
- I am fascinated by the British monarchy

Today, the big story was that Catherine, the Duchess of Cambridge had gone into labor. Subsequently, it was announced that she and Prince William were the new parents to a baby boy (and future king).

After the news was announced, I saw a lot of comments about people not caring, putting the energy elsewhere, etc. I get that the monarchy isn't what it used to be (especially in the days of Henry VIII!), but to me, it's a fascinating tradition.

Well, here's the thing. It's a piece of history. It's more important than Kim and Kanye picking a ludicrous name. It's more important than who Snooki is dating. At least, that's how I look at it.

I've also seen comments about how it's another kid that will live in a palace and be spoiled. But the interesting thing about Prince William and his brother Prince Harry is that they have done a LOT for charity and also both serve in the British military. Yes, they may live in palaces and have anything they want, but they have also shown a good side.

This isn't to say that everyone should care about the details, but people should understand the context and place in history of this child, who is third in line to the throne.

And anyway, it's a bit of a bright spot for me today.

So - congratulations to Prince William and Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge!

Blessings

As I was driving to DeWitt for my this morning, I was thinking about all the things that running has given me. Then my mind wandered a bit to things I've learned over the last year of life. I decided to put a list together of both. Sort of a look at realizations and learning over the last year.

Here is a list of things in no particular order:

1) I really like food.
2) I'm embracing my nerdiness (reading, comics, strategic planning, dogs, etc.).
3) I have finished a half marathon. I think I can do a full marathon eventually.
4) Even when you're not present, there's still a group of people that feel the need to constantly say negative things about you.
5) My cholesterol has returned to normal range.
6) I'm happy with my weight where it currently is.
7) I have accumulated an indescribable amount of stuff since I graduated college.
8) I can also get rid of said stuff, since I don't need it.
9) You can start over at any time.
10) I really like being a student.
11) I no longer identify with a particular political party. Yes, I lean waaaay left, but I am tired of the lack of common sense from both sides.
12) I miss yoga.
13) I need to take more time for myself.
14) I have many layers.
15) I really like to read and I've missed it.
16) Your friends will be there for you in times of need. This is the difference between friends and people that you know.
17) For me, it's not about the speed. It's about distance and endurance.

To Do Lists: Friend or Foe?

Over the last ten years (at least), I've used to do lists in some way, shape, or form. I've always kept myself organized (though it REALLY doesn't look like it sometimes), but my system is definitely my own.

I like crossing things off the list once I complete them. It has typically given me a sense of being productive. I've used paper, notebooks and, more recently, my iPad to organize my lists.

I've also been using to do lists to write down things when I remember I need to do something. Because if I don't write it down, I totally forget that I need to do it.

But what I have realized lately is that my to do list has been making me feel a bit cranky. Not because I have to actually do stuff, but because I have a tendency to put TOO MUCH on my list each day and when I can't cross everything off, it causes a slight feeling of failure. I just realized yesterday that this was a cause of feeling overwhelmed.

The other downfall is that I tend to put very big and broad items on my to do list, which can't possibly get done in one day. I fail to break it down into more manageable tasks (which is highly suggested) in order to feel productive.

I've been finding that my to do lists feel more like foe lately, even though I can't bring myself to stop making them. But what I really need to do is adjust the content and volume of my to do lists, breaking things down into manageable tasks.

Do you use a to do list? Do you find them to be overwhelming or helpful?

40x40 Part Deux

There was a request to see the nine items I've come up with so far...

1) Run a marathon
2) Get a passport (that's right, I don't have one)
3) Finish master's degree
4) Buy a house
5) See Paul McCartney in concert
6) Visit Europe
7) Payoff credit cards
8) Read "Midnight's Children" by Salman Rushdie (been on my shelf since I was 22)
9) Have my living space in order

40x40

As I sit down this morning, there are multiple topics that I could write a blog about: the Zimmerman verdict, Facebook or trusting people.

But while all of these things are swirling in my mind, I've been struggling with something that I decided to do a few weeks ago.

My friend Kari had posted about her 40x40. Basically, it's 40 things she wants to do before she turns 40. I decided that I was going to do one also, since I have about 7 years before I turn 40 (eek!) and of course, we're not getting any younger!

But as I've been working on putting a list together, I've been able to write down a total of NINE things. That's a far cry from 40.

The question is, why can't I get past nine? It makes me think I really need to sit down and put together a life plan or something. And maybe my life isn't particularly exciting if I can't figure out some things I want to do.

But on the flip side, maybe it just means that I have a lot of new things to experience and don't particularly know where to start.

So my question to you is "What is something you want to do during your lifetime?"

The Book Nerd

Sometimes, you are just going about a normal day, and you have an epiphany. Mine happened yesterday.

First, I have to apologize to my friend Dave. He had to experience the unpleasant part of listening to me chat his ear off about something he probably isn't particularly interested in.

This weekend has been about a few things: purging/reorganizing my apartment; getting back on my half marathon training plan; getting some rest since I have really not felt well since I basically wanted to do nothing but sleep the last few weeks (and hoping to find out more soon); and just plain doing what I wanted.

So, yesterday, I got a bit serious. I've been awful about running in the previous weeks and decided to make the trek to Kalamazoo to run with Dave on a trail I hadn't been to in Portage. Unfortunately, the run left me feeling like I have no business "being a runner". I was not ready for 3 miles in the humidity that we ended up with around 10am and had to stop in the last mile and walk most of it. The goal ended up being to just "move forward and get to the car".

After a quick trip to drop off stuff and a stop at Sonic to get a slushie (yay!), we ended up heading to lunch at Bilbo's (yay!). I don't know why I brought it up - I think I thought I saw a bookstore across the street - but I asked Dave if there were any small bookstores in the area. I actually had to go get cheese from The Cheese Lady to bring back to Lansing, and he said there was one and it was on the way.

We stopped at the Bookbug and I just got all excited. It reminded me a bit of Nicola's Books in Ann Arbor (where I used to spend a lot of time) and was just all kinds of fantastic. They had some of the special hardcover editions of some of the classics, including one of my childhood favorites, Anne of Green Gables. They also had a great selection of Out of Print t-shirts, which I clearly bought The Great Gatsby one (though, if they would have had the Nancy Drew one in my size, I would have gotten that too).

Anyway, the whole 40 minutes or so that we were there, plus the massive amount of reading I did on Thursday, got me talking about books. And how I used to sneak a book into the shopping cart at Meijer almost every time we went.

And it got me to the point of realizing that right now, I'm in the right place. The last few years have felt like I haven't quite been myself, as I've been so busy that I haven't had time to read as much as I used to, go to yoga on a regular basis and have just lost control of all the junk that I've accumulated in my little one bedroom apartment.

But now I'm making an effort to get back to these things AND incorporate school, work and running. I have the opportunity right now to be whatever I want to be.

It seems fitting that there was a box of pins on the counter at the Bookbug yesterday. The first one I picked up was one that said "Book Nerd" and I promptly bought it. Sometimes it just takes a little nudge to get back to the things that make you happy.

Table for One

"How many will there be?"

"One."

I wasn't planning on this being the topic of the blog I had on my to do list. It just sort of came to me as I finished dinner and came home.

Great thing about being single: I can eat what I want, when I want.

Downside of being single: I don't always have someone to go to dinner with me.

Wait. Maybe that's NOT a downside!

This year, I've noticed myself making the decision to just go to dinner. Mostly because when I get hungry, I put off eating and then get really hungry and want to eat NOW. However, when I first started doing it, I was a bit hesitant to do so.

I remember reading something at some point that said that every woman should know the feeling of dining alone - without a book, magazine, phone, etc. Just as an opportunity to be out. Most times, I bring something with me, because sometimes you just don't have any interesting people around you to observe.

But it always seems that wherever I go, I get a double take when I say "one". Or it takes a bit to get waited on because they think I might be waiting for someone.

In any case, I've always had a group of friends that I've hung out with, but always felt like the odd one out. But as I've been pushing my limits and getting to know myself a bit better, I'm not only comfortable going out on my own, but feel more a part of the group.

It's odd how these things happen, but I do think it makes a lot of sense to know yourself well and be able to spend quality time alone. We need to understand that people have different needs at different times - for me, that's been looking inward to be more comfortable with myself.

I know I can say that I'll be back out next week for my Friday night dinner.