The Holidays - A Double Edged Sword?

It's November. Each year, I typically have this dual feeling about going into the holiday season, and this year is similar, though the feeling is a bit different.

You see, growing up, family gatherings were fairly small. Including me, mom, dad and sometimes brother. The immediate family was never very close to any of the extended family, so Thanksgiving and Christmas were basically days I'd see family I pretty much saw all the time.

Family gatherings are still fairly small, and I tend to use the holiday season as time to recharge and spend some much needed time relaxing and doing fun things. I enjoy this time because I can catch up on reading, not worry about class, spend time with the dog, sleep, binge watch TV shows, etc.

But on the other hand, the holidays make me feel lonely. I like to call it the Bridget Jones syndrome. It's not that people go out of their way or try to make you feel bad because you're single, it just is. Luckily, I think my parents stopped asking about marriage/kids a long time ago. And while I enjoy being single, I have also found that I miss having someone other than my dog to come home to. Of course when I think of this, I do know that the person I come home to will have to be the right person.

So, I continue on in the path of life and handling things as they come along. I know that things will fall into place and that in many ways, they already have.

In the meantime, holiday season has commenced and it will include multiple viewings of Love Actually and Bridget Jones' Diary and a lot of catch up on movies, TV and books. Along with plenty of gatherings, I have no doubt. Oh, and I can't forget food!

Friendship is not a checklist

Work for a cause,
Not applause.
Live life to express,
Not to impress.
Don't strive to make your presence noticed,
Just make your absence felt.

This past weekend, some things have gone on that made me reassess some people in my life. It's hard. At this point, what I need are people that are positive. I was finding that there were some people that had great positive qualities, but the negatives just outweighed that, causing stress and drama all around.

So I finally cut the string. I refuse to feel guilty about it. It felt like nothing I ever did would be good enough for this person. It stressed me out.

Which got me to thinking about friends and the things we do for them. I've seen a couple of instances the last year or so in which a "friend" holds something over the head of another. And not just anything, but BIG things. And the last time I checked, friendship wasn't supposed to be a checklist. Yes, friends do things for their friends. There's no question about it. But it's not a game of who has marked more items off the checklist or "I did this for you so now you should worship me/do this for me/love me".

We do things for our friends because it's the right thing to do, NOT because we want brownie points. I encourage others not because I'm expecting a thank you or anything, but because someone was there to encourage me.

The minute we try to be a hero is the minute we end up not being one. It's the times you provide a comforting shoulder, let someone know you're thinking of them, have their back or just listen without expecting anything in return that make people heroes.

Over the past year I've learned that I need to live life on my own terms and forget what other people think I'm supposed to be doing. I strive to be the best ME that I can be, and I wholeheartedly recommend others do the same.

I challenge you to take a few minutes every day to do provide an act of kindness - to someone you know, someone you don't...it doesn't matter. Spread your positivity to others - it'll come back tenfold in the end.

I'm sorry, I'm not available right now...

Over the last week, I've found a disturbing pattern in my habits that I'm trying to correct.

I can be that person that freaks out if you don't get back to me right away (depending on who you are).

In the world we live in, technology is integrated into our lives more than ever before. Conversations consist of "oh, did you see on Facebook?" or "that text was so funny!"

We go out for a meal and one or many of the people are engaged with their phones. We answer work emails after hours and on weekends. We get mad when someone doesn't pick up the phone when we call because their phone should be on them at all times.

This insanity has to stop.

I love my iPhone and my iPad. I still "talk" on the phone in addition to texting and email. I hold myself to a rule that I will return someone's message within 24-72 hours (if I'm not on vacation, but really, when was the last time I actually took a vacation?).

My attention span has diminished and I fail to remember all the things I used to at times. My patience can be tried at times, but I'm learning to control it. I have no doubt that it's because technology can make us feel like we have to be connected to all things and people at all times.

So, I'm making a conscious decision to shut the phone off. Log out of Facebook. Read a book, watch a movie, hang out with friends and live in the moment. We miss so much when we're living in the online world.

My challenge to you is to figure out when and how you can unplug. Enjoy time without your phone or gadget. It'll be well worth it, and I bet you'll find that your life changes in small ways.

Breaking the Habit

Today is Monday. Yesterday was Sunday. I was supposed to be productive on both days, but only was for one. Sunday brought some exhaustion and an EARLY bedtime, starting around 6:30pm (and including about 12 hours of sleep).

But it seems that was needed, as I feel refreshed and productive today.

This week is about getting back in the habit (not like the Beer Bus or Sister Act 2). Since my birthday, I've fallen off the food wagon - BAD. I've been going out too much and eating way too much crap. So, I must bring my lunch to work, eat at home more often, and keep track of what I'm eating better. The money I save from eating at home will go to pay off the bills from Dakota's vet visits and my doctor's bills. 

Oh hey, you mean breaking bad habits will help me be a responsible adult? Well, if I have to...

Now that I'm not training for a half marathon, I need to make sure I have a plan for the gym and running. I pay for a Y membership, so I might as well use it. This will be easier once the weather starts getting crappy! And hopefully will help with erasing the effects of the crappy eating I've been doing on a daily basis.

It's also time to get back in the habit of cleaning out my apartment. I have another box of items ready to donate and more papers to shred. I have a small goal of cleaning the bathroom and cleaning off the coffee table this coming weekend.

With all of these things, I'm starting to do the following things (again):

- Color-coded to do list
- Making sure the calendar is updated
- Creating/paying more attention to the budget and payoff times
- Taking time OFF my computer/iPad/phone (i.e. Facebook, email), and trying NOT to be available every waking second of the day
- Making sure I take my vitamins
- Putting together a weekly menu, noting when I will not be home and have to go out
- I went grocery shopping! This means I have food at home and it's somewhat healthy!

How do you get back in the habit or break your bad habits?

Change in plans...

Yesterday, I ran my second half marathon at the Foster Swift Half Marathon in Grand Rapids. I started training for this race back in June, having decided to do it soon after I returned from Washington, D.C.

I did Team in Training again for this race, hoping to raise $5,000 this year for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society.

Updated total in 2013 as of today: $5244.44. Holy cow.

While this was a huge accomplishment and I'm so excited to have been able to raise this much, the weekend belonged to others who did their first races - Emma did her first 10K, which I was around for on Saturday morning; Dave did his first half marathon; and Nina, a survivor on the Team in Training team did her first half marathon.

All of these people pushed and went beyond their limits. Talk about inspiring others!

In thinking about pushing my limits, I was fairly certain that in the spring, I would be doing my first full marathon. But since the race yesterday, I've made a decision that I won't quite push that yet in 2014.

You see, I wasn't fully prepared for yesterday. My training hadn't quite gone the way I wanted and I've been sick over the last two weeks. I could feel it in my lungs starting in mile 8 and in mile 9 I started to feel pain in my hip that persisted the remainder of the course. I had a goal of finishing in 2:40 and I missed it (2:49:06) because I had to walk more in the second half.

Needless to say, I'm not particularly happy with my performance. I felt really good in the first 7 miles and felt like my pace would get me to my goal, then it just felt like I fell apart at the end.

So while I have it as an item on my 40 x 40 list, a marathon will not be in the cards for me in 2014. In some ways, I feel like it's a failure on my part, but I have to listen to my body. I think I need to get some more experience at the half level and be happy there before I move to a marathon. Making the jump in a bad place will lead to a poor performance.

I already signed up for the Winter Blast Half Marathon in Portage on March 2. It looks like the rest of the year will bring the Gazelle Girl Half in April, Bayshore Half in May, Lighthouse Half in early October, Mackinac Turtle Half in late October. Probably something else too...

While I'm sad about having to postpone a marathon, I'm looking at the bright side - getting better, bling and fun with my running family. After all, I haven't even been running for two years yet...

Manpower vs. Problem Solving - is there room for both?

This past weekend, we talked a lot about being manpower versus getting to the root of a problem and trying to solve it.

I'm a member of the Lansing Jaycees, which also makes me part of the Michigan Jaycees, US Jaycees, and Junior Chamber International. In the United States, organizations have been struggling due to many changing factors in society. Manpower versus solving problems has been a topic of discussion as of late.

Tonight as a Jaycee, I helped prepare dinner for families that are staying at the Ronald McDonald House. We haven't done this project in some time, and I was happy we decided to do it again.

You see - as much as I totally understand and agree that we must work to "combat HIV/AIDS, malaria and other diseases" (UN Millennium Development Goal #6), the fact of the matter is, until we do that, there are going to be families that need to stay near the hospital their children are in. They need compassionate people to take some time out of their day to help them make it through the day, week, month or even years.

So, I think that some of the smaller projects we do contribute to the bigger picture, and we shouldn't stop doing them all. Sometimes, they can be the gateway to bigger things for new members looking to get involved.

On the flip side, that same UN Millennium Goal is something that I've been working on for a number of years. You see, science is NOT my strong suit. So, I wouldn't be able to do the research needed to find a cure for cancer. However, research cannot be done without money, and I CAN raise money! I've participated in Relay for Life for the American Cancer Society and have raised over $5,000 this year for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society through Team in Training. Both of these organizations provide research dollars to fight cancer.

I think we need to do both. Just funding research is not going to take care of a family that is struggling with medical bills for their daughter. Just providing meals at a soup kitchen will not eradicate poverty and hunger (UN Millennium Development Goal #1). Not only do we need to address the larger picture, but we also need to show compassion and help people in need along the way to finding the cure for cancer.

This is the latest LLS commercial that I happened to see last night (and many other times) on TV. It gets me every time and reminds me of why I do the things I do in the Jaycees and in life.

Diary of a Super Slow Runner

I've written before about how I know I'm a slow runner, and I don't expect to get MUCH faster over time. In fact, I am actually becoming more comfortable where I am, though still working to get faster (with mixed results).

But at this point, I've been thinking more about my preferred running conditions - mostly in the realm of "run with a group or alone?"

It doesn't make sense, but I tend to push myself more when I run alone. I do run with my coaches for Team in Training, but I sort of feel like I end up going a bit slower. When I run with friends (who typically tend to be a bit (or a lot) faster than I am), I find myself feeling bad for slowing them down.

When I run in a race, I tend to shut out the other people around me and focus on my running. I'm a music runner - but I have also found out that I can run without music. Both ways allow me to focus on myself.

I realize that running with a friend or group has its benefits - I probably would've stayed in bed yesterday had I not been running with someone. But I end up feeling a pressure when running with others (usually one that I impose on myself) that somewhat hinders me.

It's odd - it sort of goes against all logic. But as a super slow runner who is trying to accept that I'm not going to be a 9 minute miler (and tends to be an overachiever), I think it makes me feel like a failure to be super slow. I'm getting better at dealing with where I am, and remind myself that I'm doing a lot more than many people do. I've pushed myself outside of my comfort zone (the couch) and had some great experiences doing so.

So, as I begin my taper this week for my half marathon, I remember that my goal is to beat my time in my D.C. race. I will run that race and do my best. And I will FINISH.