Today is June 22. It's been 3 weeks since my last run. I've been plagued with some sort of illness for the last week. I've wanted to sleep most of the day for the past month or so.
I'll let you in on a little secret...I'm broken.
It didn't happen overnight. But it really came to a head last week, when I lost my voice and started feeling like crap. It had been a while since I had been sick for more than a day or so, so I think I sort of forgot what it felt like. Once I got back from my half marathon, I went directly into the first summer semester for school and the class I took was extremely overwhelming (though a great class).
I've not been myself. And I don't think that's recent, but over time I've stopped reading for fun, my attention span has deteriorated, my focus is out the window, I'm having a hard time with priorities and I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. In the process, other outside forces have really put a damper on things, and my uncertainty about how to handle them has made me "turtle up" some (Yes, you bet your sweet ass I am...).
But, there's nothing like being sick to give you time to 1) decide that things suck, 2) realize you're being lazy, 3) decide you have to get back to the purging of your apartment and 4) understand that you haven't been taking care of yourself.
I started feeling human for the first time in a week on Thursday. Now that I'm feeling a little bit better, and the better part of my weekend is going to be spent working on my final paper for the semester, I decided that I needed to do some things moving forward before getting sucked into the paper.
This may sound odd, but I went to Staples and got notepads. I really went there for ink, but there were two particular notepads that caught my eye. One is a to do list type, and the other is a project type of pad, which includes boxes for tasks. I also spent way too much money there, in an effort to try to get myself re-organized.
The second place I went was Barnes & Noble. Mostly because it's the closest bookstore to my apartment. I used to wander in the Borders in downtown Ann Arbor for hours, looking at everything. I haven't bought a book in a bookstore for months (though I have purchased things on Kindle). I know I pretty much have a library at home already, but I bought a book today ("A Discovery of Witches", for those interested) in hopes that I'll pick it up this weekend and start reading (or any book for that matter).
Basically, I need to shift my priorities (or continue to) back to the following things (in no particular order):
- Half marathon training and fundraising
- Eating better
- Paying off debt
- Purging the apartment
- Taking more time for fun stuff (reading, movies, friends, etc.)
My hope is that by doing this, I can move back toward being myself. Or, at least a little less broken version of myself.