"Due to lack of interest, tomorrow is cancelled..."

Or, maybe due to excessive snow! On my way home last night, I decided to rent a bunch of movies and make sure that I had enough eggs to bake today. There was a lot of snow predicted! And, it has been snowing all day.

I slept late this morning, got up, decided to get lunch and go get butter, since I had forgotten that last night. I think that started the crazy day today. I went to Kroger, the box of Mountain Dew I had picked up broke and all the cans fell all over the floor. When I got home, I got to my front door, and dropped my large pop from Burger King in the hallway. Somehow, I got through making chocolate chip cookies without an issue, but then while making molasses cookies, I dropped the sifter in the mixture. Sigh. I'm such a klutz somedays.

I'm hoping this week isn't as stressful or exhausting as last week. I still have to do some holiday shopping, and hopefully will tie up some loose ends at work. In addition, I hope to watch some more movies, and read some. Luckily, it's still the weekend!

"You're so wise. You're like a miniature Buddha, covered in hair."

If you saw me right now, you wouldn't know that I'm super excited that tomorrow is Thursday. I have Friday off from work this week. But, I'm starting to feel like I'm getting sick. I am hoping I can stop it by sleeping and drinking fluids. Luckily, I've been getting some rest, as I've been able to leave work early this week.

The next few days are going to be pretty busy. I've been baking cookies a lot, but no more for this week, unless I do them in Muskegon on Friday. I have to do a ton of laundry all day Friday, and while that's in, I'm hoping to watch a movie or two. Maybe do a little baking. We'll see though. I have to head back to Muskegon tomorrow night, which means I have to pack, get the dog ready for the trip, get gas, etc. Then I have to get out of here, spend all day Friday in Muskegon, go to Eric's holiday work party, then drive back to Lansing on Saturday morning.

I will be attending my first ever MSU basketball game at Breslin Center on Saturday. It should be fun. I've been to the UM/MSU game before at Crisler, but I have never been to Breslin, and I'm curious to see it. It should be fun. There will be sushi beforehand, so that makes me happy!

I have a quick gripe, and it's something that I've always kind of dealt with. Clearly, I'm a female. All my life, I've been better friends with guys. I don't know why, I think I just get along better with guys. I'm kind of a tomboy, so maybe that's what makes it easier. Anyway, why can't I just be friends with guys? Is there a reason that whenever a girl and a guy are friends, everyone else thinks there's something going on? I know most of the time, people just joke about it, but after awhile, it just starts to get on my nerves. I'm not sure if anyone else ever has this problem, or if it's just me. Ha.

"No matter how cynical you get, it is impossible to keep up."

This is a busy weekend. Last night, I went out to dinner with a friend of mine, and then we went to see the movie "Gone Baby Gone". I really, really liked the movie, and Casey Affleck was just amazing. There were some great scenes, and the overall message makes you think. I highly recommend it to everyone.

I was at a Jaycees event for a couple of hours today. We hosted "Stuff the Bus" to help 6 families we adopted from the Salvation Army. When I left, we had quite a few items in the bus. I hope the rest of the event went well!

And then, I have just returned from Grand Rapids. I met Eric there, since we both stayed at our respective homes this weekend due to scheduling conflicts. Anyway, we went to dinner, then did some Christmas shopping. I hate that I'm at a loss as to what to get for some people. Then, other people are just so easy to shop for. I decided that this year, I was going to try and spread a little holiday cheer instead of being a grinch. Let's hope for the best on this goal!

Then tomorrow is brunch and "Spamalot" with the office. That'll take up a good chunk of the day, then I want to make some more cookies, but we'll see how time goes. I could make cookies, make cards, do a scrapbook page, watch a movie, read a book - there are so many possibilities. Although, I may just be lazy - I'm starting to feel a little run down and sick, but I don't know if that's from just standing outside in the cold today!

Well, off to do something...

"The deepest craving of human nature is the need to be appreciated."

I'm fairly certain the title of this blog hits the nail on the head for me. I love a little appreciation! Luckily, I'm feeling appreciated at the moment.

I'm writing tonight in the spirit of being quite at ease. I'm not overly happy, not bummed out. I pleasantly exhausted, and almost ready to go to bed. But most of all, with the crappy mood I've been in lately, I'm feeling a little bit of peace. Which is good - I hope it means that I'm getting myself back on track.

I know this sounds silly, but I'm thinking that maybe I'm having a sense of closure. At some point over the last couple of weeks, my life just got thrown out of whack, in turn, throwing my moods out of whack. Yesterday and today have helped me come back to reality. I've felt productive, had a friend help me get through kicking my own ass, and it never hurts to have a dog that love you unconditionally! All in all though, I'm feeling quite content. Let's hope this continues into tomorrow...

"If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's, well, broken."

Ah, the quote is from Grosse Pointe Blank. That movie always makes me laugh. Maybe a good selection for this week's viewing.

The weekend was pretty good. Got some things moved around in my apartment, and I'm still working on that, but I did get a table to do some scrapbooking and jewelry stuff on. So, that's helpful, especially since I have Dakota this week.

I'm at home for the moment, but I have to leave in a bit to go cover a meeting for my boss. Luckily, it's only a couple of blocks away, and there will be dinner, but I really just would like to be home tonight and finish my book. I'm so close - about 30 pages left! Then, I have to decide what to read next. Rearranging my apartment reminded me of exactly how many books I own that I haven't read.

I will probably bake again this week - snickerdoodles (yum!) and ginger snaps (yum!). That's my plan, anyway. Not tonight though, and not tomorrow night. Woo hoo, the work holiday party is tomorrow night. Should be fun, considering the last one I went to, I had only worked in my office for about, oh, one month. So, I didn't know anyone! Hard to have fun at that type of function...

Hopefully, this week isn't too stressful (it isn't so far!), and I can get some things done both in the office and at home. This weekend is going to be pretty busy. I'm helping out at Stuff the Bus for the Jaycees on Saturday, but not sure what time that I'll be out there (we'll be at the Wal-Mart, ugh, yeah, I know, in Eastwood Towne Center all day Saturday). Then, Sunday, our office is going to Wharton Center to see Spamalot. That makes me happy. I've heard it's funny, and how can you go wrong with Monty Python?

"You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need..."

This has been a crappy week, period. I don't necessarily think that I can pinpoint why, except there were a lot of things that just didn't go how I would have liked. It's really strange how that happens.

Don't get me wrong. There have been a few good things that came out of this week - some good friends, my dog being here, and some cookies. But, for the most part, I've just been moping around and kind of a basketcase. It's been making it difficult for me to focus on anything for a long period of time, or even start, for that matter - whether it's reading my book, catching up on magazines, watching a movie, scrapbooking, jewelry making.

Plus, it's always hard to go back to work after being off for a week or so. It's hard to transition back into being productive, and I haven't done a very good job of that.

I've noticed in the last few months, that I am definitely not as ordered and organized as I used to be. In a way, I think that's a good thing, because I used to be really uptight. On the other hand, I feel like I've lost control of my life. It's hard to describe, but I feel like I used to have a better handle on things when I was making lists, had everything in order, etc. Now I just feel like my whole life is a mess - just check out my desk at work, or my apartment. That's not to say I've ever been the tidiest person ever - there's always been a method to my madness. However, I feel like I have lots more stuff lying around than I used to.

For those of you who know me now, and are thinking that I'm still uptight, take things too seriously or personally, or too organized, well, a few years back, I was a lot worse than I am now. I still do worry about a lot of things, have my own issues with myself, but it used to be much worse. I'm a lot more laid back now, but in a way, it's leaving me feeling really unorganized and not in control.

And, while I am reflecting, I've been thinking a lot lately about my personal issues. I've ALWAYS had issues with myself - I've either been a little chunky (middle school), been picked on about my last name (elementary school), been picked on for being smart (um, all through school), glasses (middle and high school), and had some guys in my life that have really made me think that I wasn't worth much. It's only recently that I'm realizing that a lot of those things have shaped who I am now. For the most part, I'm ok with being me. Though, sometimes there are things that I just wish I didn't feel compelled to do (such as trying to get attention, berate myself, etc.) You know how they say that you need to say 7 nice things to someone to cancel out 1 bad thing? I feel like I'm still trying to make up for all the bad things that I've heard said to me. Those seem to be the things that have stuck with me.

For example, two things I can think of - one is from high school, the other from college. The high school story is quite long, so I won't share it here, but the one from college that sticks with me is this one guy that I dated for awhile. I met him through a friend one night, and we dated for a few months. I can't even really remember how long it was at this point, but the one thing I remember for sure is the time he told me there was one thing he would change about me. My teeth. They weren't straight enough for him. Now, I know they're not completely straight, but I had never really thought about that before. But, since then, there are sometimes when I just look in the mirror and think about how I have crooked teeth. I think many of the incidents like this one are a big part of the reason that I have a hard time believing in myself, even though it's not anything that has happened recently. I wish I could forget them, but somehow, they've just seared into my mind.

So, I know I can be difficult, not sure of myself, self-deprecating, demanding, and a whole host of other things, but there are some reasons behind all that. Maybe not good reasons, but they are reasons.

Well, that turned into more rambling that I had originally intended on, but I certainly felt the need to vent a bit.

"I never thought it was such a bad little tree..."

"I just don't understand Christmas, I guess. I like getting presents and sending Christmas cards and decorating trees and all that, but I'm still not happy. I always end up feeling depressed." - Charlie Brown



I'm fairly certain that Chuck got it right here. I really know of no other way to describe it than the above quote.

I've actually been quite uncharacteristic this week - I've baked cookies two nights in a row this week, and brought them into work. It's not like I was going to sit down and eat them all! I just felt compelled to bake, so that's what I did. I've had several people tell me I'm nesting. Sigh.

I'm not sure if it's just a combination of things right now, but I've had some trouble concentrating at work lately. My mind wanders elsewhere, and I just can't focus. In this respect, I just haven't done a whole lot. I know this - but it turned up in what I assume was supposed to be a joke toward the end of my day today. A co-worker of mine mused "Sometimes I wonder if you do any work." Ouch. I know that person probably meant it in a joking fashion, but man that statement ended up stinging. Even though I know I haven't been motivated at work, it still hurts when someone else comments on it. So, if anyone has some ideas for how to get me motivated at work again, please let me know.

It's just me and Dakota this week. I have grand plans to rearrange my apartment this weekend, throw out all the garbage, and do some reading. We'll see how productive I actually am.