I had a bad day...

I had a bad day today. In fact, I've had several bad days in a row, where I've been somewhat paralyzed in being productive, I've not wanted to get out of bed, I've been reading homework and not comprehending it. I've been crying at the drop of a hat, eating horribly and missed a training run.

But, I had a thought tonight on my way home from class. It's something I've gone back to a couple times today.

I observed something interesting today while waiting for my friend Dave and his daughter for lunch (pie) at Grand Traverse Pie Company downtown.

I watched a gentleman bundled up in coat and a hat with a tassel on it. He had been sitting a couple of tables away from the one that I chose. He eventually got up, and walked out the door. About 5-10 minutes later, he returned back inside the restaurant.

He was there for a short time, and ventured out into the cold again. He returned once again and was still there when I left. I can only guess, but I would say that he didn't have any other place to go. The highest temperature I saw today on the Comerica Bank building was 7 degrees.

I'm home tonight, in my apartment with the heat on, eating my dinner. I keep thinking about where this gentleman might be right now, and I can only hope he's at one of the local shelters and able to be warm. It pains me to think that he (and others like him) may be out tonight in these low temperatures. I don't know his story and there are any number of reasons for his situation.

I had a bad day today. It's been a struggle the last few days. But it's nothing in comparison to the struggle this man and others like him are going through.

I'm a shadowboxer, baby...

This week, I'm fighting...with myself. I'm beating up on myself in quite a few ways, and probably have no reason to be doing so. Today has been a bit of a dark day, yet I'm trying to just push through so I can get to tomorrow.

But mostly, I'm fighting with myself about food. I drive home from work and want to stop - Taco Bell, Burger King, Reno's, Buffalo Wild Wings...they've all been trying to lure me with their deliciousness. This year, I'm trying to eat better and eat out less. Being on the road a lot, it's been far too easy for me in the last couple of years to just stop and pick something up for dinner.

So I find myself looking up a lot of restaurant nutrition and knowing what fits into what I should be eating. And it's not just about calories - there's cholesterol, sodium, protein and all that other fun stuff. And the portion sizes! I mean, really, this is all stuff that I knew and that we all know, but for some reason it's hitting me now.

However, on the flip side, I'm really trying not to get crazy like some people I've seen. I'm maybe trying to lose about 10 pounds and make sure I'm eating right for my half marathon training. It's all about baby steps for me - not losing 100 pounds in 3 months or some other not realistic time.

But, I'm still fighting. I almost stopped at Taco Bell on the way home from the gym tonight. I went to Reno's on Monday night to watch the football game and had a chicken fingers basket.

I like food. I like bad food. I am still drinking one 12 oz. Mountain Dew a day (this is down from my two 20 oz. bottles a day habit). I'm not perfect. I'll have a bad day. I'll give in to Taco Bell (I'm pretty sure this is going to happen in the ext three days). But in the process, I'll start eating better, feeling better and saving some money.

I hope.

6 miles and getting back into the swing of things

This first week of 2013 has been the time to ease back into the real world. Mostly because I only had a two day work week and school doesn't start until next week (though there will be reading done for class this weekend). I've done a bit of sleeping, a bit of running and a bit of cleaning (among other things).

In some ways, it seems silly that just a change in year means things can be so different, but in my case, I really feel like things are different. for me, 2012 was about change - changes I made, changes forced on me, changes in priorities, changes in how I viewed things. In all of that, 2012 left me feeling like one giant open wound.

One of those changes has been running. I found myself running a 6 mile race (my longest distance ever) on New Year's Day. It didn't matter that I finished last. I finished (and I think it helped that I was being followed by the police). The following day, once I began to come out of my daze, I realized that on January 1, 2012, I would have never predicted that I would be running 6 miles, partly up a hill and partly by Lake Michigan. Even as of the morning of the race, I didn't think I could do it. I spent the rest of the day (and part of the next) in a daze that it never quite felt like I actually did it.

I can't begin to think of what it will be like for my half marathon. All I can say is that some small part of the wound that was opened in 2012 healed on New Year's Day. I know the wound that continues to heal at this point will have the Band-Aid torn off again before long, but it will get better and there will be something to help it heal a little more.

There are more changes to come in 2013, including being more supportive and loving to myself. It's not an easy thing for me and I've always struggled with it. It's not going to change overnight, and I'm always looking for ways to help get me through it.

As things get busier with work, school and running/working out this semester, I know there will be less time to think about things. And that's ok, because I feel like I have a decent foundation to make these changes throughout the year.

And who knows what is to come? I mean, I ran my longest distance ever on the first day of the year. We'll just have to see what more is in store for this year and beyond.

2013 has to be better, right?

It's been no secret. 2012 has not been my favorite year, for a variety of reasons. There were some really good things that happened (job change, running, weight loss), but they were overshadowed by the downsides.

So, I am really looking forward to 2013. It's a chance for me to continue some things I've started, and also some new beginnings.

With that, I've been working on some plans, and also my resolutions for 2013. I've put some things into motion already, as you'll see below. A lot of them also play off of each other, which I'm hoping will make them all easier to achieve!

1) Get to 145 lbs. and stay there: Many of you know that I went through some unexpected weight loss toward the end of 2011 and kept it off when I started running. In the last month or so, I've gained back a few pounds (I'm at 151 now) and my jeans are getting a little tight. So, I'd like to get back to where I was.

2) Finish my first half marathon: I'm already signed up, I've raised over $1400 on my way to $3500, and started training at the end of November. I'm running a 6 mile race on Tuesday (really?), which will be my longest run to date. No time goal, just want to finish the race (April 28).

3) Run 600 miles: Strangely enough, I think this is doable, particularly because of my training schedule for the half marathon. We'll see.

4) Read 10 books (for fun): I really haven't read as much as I'd like in the last year. I just recently purchased an iPad mini, so this will hopefully be a little easier for me to do. With school, I kept the number of books fairly low (in the past I've done 25-50).

5) Pad my savings account: Right now, it consists of a whopping $200. And that's only because I started putting some away in November. I've been navigating my Virtual Wallet from PNC to help with this endeavor. However, some changes (like how much I spend on gas) will help with this.

6) Eat out less: Could help with putting more in my savings account. I bought a slow cooker (yes, I spent money to save money, what a novel concept) and hope to make more with that. I spend way too much money eating out and the calories are ridiculous. Even eating out one less time a week will help. I'm still in the process of trying to figure out exactly how much I've spent the last few months eating out. This is SO HARD for me though, being single and hating to cook.

7) 200 liquid calories per day, maximum: Ooof, this one is going to be tough. I love my Dew. But this allows me to have one per day, if I choose.

8) Payoff one credit card and significantly reduce another: I'm actually paying off two here this coming week, but this is in addition to that, since I've already had this plan in place for a few weeks. So, this is in addition to what I'm already planning on doing (and yes, I have a plan in place to get this done).

9) Get to 15 credit hours in my MPA program: I'm pretty sure this is doable. After this upcoming semester, I'll be at 9 credit hours. I may even exceed this. We'll see how the summer and fall go. My program requires 36 credit hours and then 3 credit hours for a project paper, for 39 total credit hours.

10) Clean and organize my apartment to be presentable: Don't come in here. Seriously. I really don't need someone to call Hoarders, since I'm already in the process of throwing tons of crap out. But in the meantime, it will look like a disaster zone as I go through everything and chuck it.

Some weeks will be better than others. I'm really going to try to be ok if I go out to eat more often one week, don't put away as much one pay period, miss a workout, etc. We're all human. And sometimes, a cupcake just calls and you have to blow your calories for the day. Some of these have a specific goal and some are long term changes where this is the first step.

Here's to 2013!!!

Pet people are weird, but it's who we are

I was going to write a post tonight about my New Year's Resolutions for 2013, but something has been stuck in my head all day and honestly, I need to get this out of my system.

Those of you who know me know that I have this amazing 8 year old pup named Dakota (a mutt, actually).

Being single and having lived alone for awhile, Dakota is like my kid. She is who I come home to and who I take care of. In return, she loves me unconditionally (probably just a little bit more when I have food) and keeps me warm in the winter. She has all those quirks that only her person would love (don't touch her feet!).

It makes me incredibly angry when others belittle how pet owners feel about their pets. Especially when we unexpectedly have to deal with the possibility of losing a member of the family. I know when the time comes, no matter how old she may be, I will be a wreck when Dakota leaves this life.

I guess only pet people might understand this. But our pets are a huge part of our family. Especially when they are all we have at times. They are living, breathing, have medical needs and psychological needs. They are an extension of us, just like our human family (and sometimes, even more so). 

I will never feel bad about how I treat my dog. She's listened to me complain, cry, laugh. She's dealt with me sleeping in, even when she's ready to get up. She's handled hours on end when I've been gone and she still loves me. I make sure she has food, water, treats, a warm place to sleep and lots of love. She has plenty of bones to chew and Greenies to look forward to. 

I don't know that I ever understood how much a part of my life she would be when I adopted her from the pound, but it's been worth every cent I've spent on her over the years. She is my family. 

Airing of the grievances!

Two blog posts in one day? I had forgotten earlier when I posted that today was Festivus (oops) and that I should probably do a post. Then I saw a couple of others air their grievances, and after my trip to Target earlier, I felt I should. While it won't be super entertaining, they're definitely some things that have been on my mind.

1) People that can't park: There's a couple of drivers in my building that can't seem to park their SUV/sedan/whatever they drive in between the lines. I constantly come home to having to park even further away because someone can't park. Or the walkway to the door is blocked because someone thought they should park over it. I also dealt with it at Target today, but not in the normal way (someone parking on the line). When I parked, there was a spot open next to mine. I drive a Saturn Aura, so it's a sedan. When I came back to my car after being in the store for about 30 minutes, I found another Saturn Aura in the spot next to me - parked across two spots, diagonally. WHAT?! Are you kidding me? Who does that?

2) That person who likes to hear themselves talk: I REALLY experienced this in class this past semester. While there were a few people that would tend to talk a lot, there were one or two students that just talked without having anything productive to add to the conversation (or kept talking once they stopped saying anything productive). I've also been in a number of meetings where this has occurred and of course, the result is the meeting goes too long, to the annoyance to everyone.

3) Dust and dog hair (and my hair too): Holy cow, how much of this have I had to clean around my apartment? Between me and my dog, I'm surprised either of us have any hair left, considering how much we both shed! And the amount of dust that accumulates is pretty crazy.

4) Incompetence: 'Nuff said.

I know there are more, but these are at the forefront of my mind. What are your grievances?

Starting all over...again.

2012 has been a year of starting over for me. Right now, before the end of the year, I find myself having to start over again.

I did my last training run on December 10. It was to run for 15 minutes. I did awesome on the treadmill and posted my fastest time ever.

Tuesday the 11th, I ended up having to skip my run and decided to do it on Wednesday. Except that when I woke up on Wednesday, I could barely walk because my back hurt so bad.

I've had this type of pain before and figured it would go away in a day or so and things would resume as normal. But, not so fast...

I could still barely walk on Thursday. Friday brought a bit less pain but still having trouble walking. I brought my heating pad to work on Thursday, and worked from home on Friday after a meeting so I could ice and heat my back when I wanted (the freezer at work doesn't work right, so keeping an ice pack there has proved problematic). I spent most of the weekend on the couch or at home, either icing/heating/stretching/moving around.

Sunday I woke up feeling much better. Monday was a bit worse, and Tuesday was a bit better. I didn't run at all until Tuesday, when I thought I could try a little bit. Having not run in a week, I had no idea what I was in for. I got on the treadmill and last 5 minutes.

Ugh. Are you serious? 5 minutes? I was actually doing 7 minute intervals before the pain and posting decent times (well, decent for me, still slow for lots of others).

Wednesday took me to the injury clinic at Playmakers, and the diagnosis is problems with my piriformis. Apparently, this muscle that's under the glutes is tight and causing pain across my back. I need to try to loosen it up, and that's not particularly easy.

So, I started over yesterday. I went on my first run yesterday. And man, was that rough. My lungs are protesting and I'm carrying around extra weight that packed on during the holidays (with no exercise to neutralize it). My back still has a small amount of pain, but I'm sure that'll go away once I can loosen up my piriformis.

During my run today (which is off schedule, but I want to try to get back up to where I was), I had a couple moments where I thought I was ridiculous for thinking I can run a half marathon when I can barely run 2 miles.

But, here I go again, starting my training over again this week before the new year.